I am having 'issues' with my spouse over wanting to continue scuba diving (long)

[scubadog76]

What would really helps to put things in perspective for your husband would be to ask what would make his life less complicated, not interfering with your hobbies and you being in a good mood, or getting in your way and you being in a foul mood. Normally I would not turn my back on my brothers and side with the ladies, but I had a lady-freind that would put up resistance to hunting, fishing, scuba and anything else that was fun for me. Life is too short to have someone else live it for you!
yours truly, s.dog76

 

[Royal Frog]

I've seen my boyfriend swim. Once in 7 years of our relationship. Very jerky, unconfident, not a happy bunny in the wet stuff. He's come on diving holidays to 'tag along' and when I go diving for the day, he goes on his day trips on his own with his beloved camera. When we first met and became 'an item', I showed him my dive cylinders and told him what they were for and that those and myself came as a package. Not seperable. I don't kick the arse out of dive weekends and go only if it doesn't clash with his weekend off, or a family birthday etc. He is always invited on trips, weekends etc. We're going to Malta in March, I'm diving, he already has a list of things he wants to do! However, I will be up early as poss, dive and be finished for early afternoon to spend the rest of the day with him so he doesn't feel too left out. Respect, thought for each other and a little moderation seems to go a long way. I hope he does make it into the water, good luck - but don't force him. My other half simply doesn't have the desire to dive.

 

[GeekDiver]

I had the same problem, my wife doesn't dive or like water. I made a resort dive and it hooked me. I had to try and figure a way to get into this sport without causing grief for my wife and a way to pay for it that I could explain and have my wife understand and agree with.

This is how it worked for me

When I started I had the diving bug real bad, getting cert was all I could think of or talk of and I wasn't sure how I could afford it. My wife wasn't a happy camper about my new interest or the expected drain on money. She made comments like we could pay off this bill or that bill or go on vacation for what it would cost to buy gear and get cert. My reply to this was that a vacation would only last a few days while diving and gear will last me many years and as long as I didn't add any debt or bills I didn't see how she could object. The current bills were already there and we were fine with the state that they were in before I started this. As long as I figured a way not to add to them or affect the way they were being paid they was no reason why diving could impact our current bills.

After a lot of thought I made the decision to cash in some stock to buy my gear and start diving. I cashed in $3500 worth. This was money I was losing due to the current market. This meant that I could save my investment losses and could redirect it to buy gear. Since this money was already spent and was losing value redirecting it to buy my gear didn't cost me any new additional funds and protected me from future stock price losses.

I bought all my gear up front to offset the cost of renting. The LDS gave me my class for free as well as discounting my AOW by half since I bought a complete set of gear from them. I also factored in the cost of renting vs. the cost of buying. As an example to rent a tank would cost me $10 plus any additional air fills or I would have had to rent additional tanks if air was not aval. My tanks cost me $170 ea the cost which equaled the price of renting tanks 17 times. With each tank I received an air fill card for 20 fills. 20x$6 is $120 so my tanks actually cost me $50. I made over 30 dives last year so I if you look at it as a long term investment it more than offset the cost of buying my eq vs. renting. Renting a complet set of gear would be $50 x 30 or $1500 now factor in the cost of my classes $150 for BOW plus $75 for AOW and I'm up to $1725. It will take me another year to offset the tot cost of all my eq but now the only real expense I have is gas, mileage on my Truck and time(I still have free air fills for a bit longer). The more diving I do the more it offsets the cost of diving in the long run. Since it doesn't cost anything for me to dive now my wife can't argue about the cost.

The only argument now is the time and talking about diving. My wife doesn't like it when I talk about diving so I save those conversations for divers I run acrossed or the board. I only talk about diving to inform her of my plans of when to dive. I let her know in advance of my trips so she is prepared. I set my goals of diving at leat once a month. One weekend a month is 2 days and when a month is 30 days long 2 days no longer seem to be excessive. If there is a conflict I rearrange my diving as not to conflict with her schedule or family events. Although I haven’t had much success in including my wife/kids on my diving weekends I try to encourage her that we can make it a family event. She and the kids can swim or hang out while I dive and for surface intervals we can have lunch and picnic. I took her on my trip to Mexico (I won this trip so it didn't cost me a dime) She was a bit board as the place was very remote and not much to do but I think she enjoyed the peace and the time we got to spend alone together with out the kids.

My advice to all this. I would try and talk to your husband explain the long term investment of buying as a way of offsetting any future costs. Be supportive over your husbands concerns and work with him to address how you can pay for diving expenses and in a time frame that he can agree with. This will keep your husband involved and he will feel better knowing he has a role and a say so in planning the expense. Try to tie in your diving with a family event. An event with activities for non divers while your diving and activities you can all do together this will keep your husband envolved but not upset your relationship.

Hope this helps,

Geek

 

[PnL]

Still going, and going, and going without any more input from Victoria.

I wonder if there has been any resolution to this ... Victoria, how about an update since this thread is stilll going? I hope everything worked out well and your family has reached a good compromise that makes everyone happy.

 

[O-ring]

...make me glad I found diving (and my other time/money intensive hobbies/sports) before I found a spouse. At least this way she can get used to how I am during courtship, right? And I won't have to change much, right?

 

[PnL]

O-ring once bubbled...
...make me glad I found diving (and my other time/money intensive hobbies/sports) before I found a spouse.

I hope my wife doesn't read that My wife has had to endure my expensive hobbies and toys since we've been married, but she's supportive. The diving was a mutual endeavor, but it was on the condition that I gave up another expensive hobby (and selling the parts), which I gladly did as I didn't have the time for the other hobby and its something that can wait.

O-ring once bubbled...
...At least this way she can get used to how I am during courtship, right? And I won't have to change much, right?

LOL!! You're going to be in for a shock if you think getting married isn't going to change you Mind you, it could all be good change, but things will definitely change

 

[O-ring]

ScubaKims once bubbled...
LOL!! You're going to be in for a shock if you think getting married isn't going to change you Mind you, it could all be good change, but things will definitely change

Well, me and my various sports gear will be very happy for eternity then..

 

[Blue Space]

if she loves she will take you for what you are and what you do. Things are going to chang no doubt about that but they should all be good changes. Thats what being married is all about. ( I think)

 

[Ontario Diver]

O-ring once bubbled...
And I won't have to change much, right?

Hrrmf

snort, cough

giggle

tee hee

Chortle, chortle

chuckle chuckle

Harf Harf

Har de Har Harrrr

Bwaaaa Haaa Haaaaa

Yeah, not much change RIGHT!

 

[DiverBuoy]

Just make sure you don't think you can change someone... start with a diver and go from there (from Personal Experience). Please see attachment