I need a reality check

[dmoore19]

I think addressing the accident itself here is a good idea. Not diving with that person again until there is an understanding of what is expected is good advise. The personal life aspect is for another time and place.

 

[Jim Lapenta]

"At the surface, I scream my lungs out at spouse. "What the h$&@ was that about??? Don't you EVER take any weight off my rig. I don't want to ever dive with you again. You compromised my safety. There is no excuse for that.""

That is an overreaction - not saying that what was done here was OK - it wasn't for a whole bunch of reasons, but if you need to scream your lungs out at your spouse to get their attention there are far more serious problems than their diving behaviour. IMHO

Exactly, he is a potentially dangerous individual towards her and now there are plenty of witnesses to that fact. Smart move on her part when it comes time to file the PFA.
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[violamama]

I'm never sure how to respond to posts like this or conversations like this whether IRL or online. If it were me, we would be in counseling or some kind of class for better communication. It seems to have very little to do with diving, and it sounds like you have some serious work to do.

Every relationship has a few bumpy spots. From one written description of a ten-minute period in a marriage of unknown length (I have not read responses, I'm sure they are all over the map depending on folks' personal experiences), it's extremely difficult for anyone to give you valuable or appropriate advice.

Not listening and not feeling listened-to are both marriage killers. When you feel he's not listening in a situation where that is a requirement for your safety, there seems to be a serious problem. But again, I'm responding based on only what you've written here and your specific request for opinions. You should also be talking face to face to those you respect in your actual life, and be ready to act on their answers.

Adding:
50 feet- you had just descended. Could he not thumb it, slowly ascend (maybe even hand hold position to keep him slow) and 2 minutes later get some more lead from the boat? I don't get him taking yours. Like I said, it seems very odd to me and you seem to have more than a diving problem...

 

[crabbyfiddler]

Ravie,

I would agree with most posters here. Diving can be a life threatening and life ending sport. Being cavalier regarding diving safety, procedures and protocol is a huge warning sign. It sounds like some professional assistance is in order. It also sounds like your husband needs further dive training. Impulsive, thoughtless or lackadaisical behavior is just begging for a traumatic event.

 

[Storker]

"At the surface, I scream my lungs out at spouse. "What the h$&@ was that about??? Don't you EVER take any weight off my rig. I don't want to ever dive with you again. You compromised my safety. There is no excuse for that.""

That is an overreaction - not saying that what was done here was OK - it wasn't for a whole bunch of reasons, but if you need to scream your lungs out at your spouse to get their attention there are far more serious problems than their diving behaviour. IMHO

Dafuq? Overreaction? No effing way.

Anyone stealing my gear underwater without my expressed consent would definitely be chewed out, in public and in excruciating detail, as soon as I had my reg out of my mouth and could get enough surface air to vocal my sentiment properly. Be it my child, my spouse, or a person of authority. I'm with the OP.

 

[tracydr]

After being married to a dangerous diver for a long time, I can say that your decision not to dive with your spouse is a good one. Some people just don't have the mentality to be safe.
my new husband is an instructor and we get along great both on shore and under the water. He watches out for me and I watch out for him. No more dives with bolting to the surface because my buddy used all his air and all of mine!
it scares me to relive those long ago dives, now that I'm more experienced and fully understand some of the dangerous situations that he caused.

 

[Diver0001]

Dafuq? Overreaction? No effing way.

The message isn't necessarily an overreaction but with most people you don't need to deliver it with a bazooka. I think that's what he was saying.

Anyone stealing my gear underwater without my expressed consent would definitely be chewed out, in public and in excruciating detail, as soon as I had my reg out of my mouth and could get enough surface air to vocal my sentiment properly. Be it my child, my spouse, or a person of authority. I'm with the OP.

A buddy of mine removed one of my integrated weight pockets when we were crabbing one day. I had a rented BCD and I had rolled up the mesh bag and stuffed it in the pocket. Once under water I had trouble reaching it so I motioned to my buddy to take it out of the pocket for me. He signed, "ok" and the yanked the weight pocket out and handed it to me. I motioned like, "defuq"... and he got this look in his eyes like, "oops....".

After the dive I asked him what part of me pointing at the side of my BCD made him think that I wanted him to remove my weights. He said, "I didn't know *what* you wanted. You pointed at the side of your BCD and made a pulling motion and that was the only thing that seemed logical at the time." Ooops.

In other words, **** happens. In this case it was resolved with calm discussion. We went home and drank beer and ate crabs together.

R..

 

[Adventure-Ocean]

I assume you left the gender out for a reason. It doesn't matter. I think you are seeing things correctly and like a lot of us you may see this differently over time. You are creating an opportunaty for your spouse to learn more about underwater safety behavior. Until you have reasons to believe diving with your spouse will be enjoyable and relaxed, I wouldn't dive with them. You need a partner that respects dive safety as much as you do. Adventure-Ocean

 

[OkByMe]

Taking liberties that would not be taken with anyone else... where does it end? Just because you are married to the clown does not mean that proper respect for person or property should end. You NEED another dive buddy for 2 reasons. One, so you have someone safe and respectful. Two, to show the spouse that they are not indispensable and can be replaced in ANY role. Something will surely give. After all... Horseplay and lack of propriety can kill. How much did you say your insurance policy is worth?....

 

[Storker]

In other words, **** happens. In this case it was resolved with calm discussion. We went home and drank beer and ate crabs together.

One thing is a buddy misunderstanding or not understanding my hand signals (and since I've been in that situation more than once, I always carry a slate these days). Quite another thing is a buddy deliberately stealing my gear without any signals to misunderstand, and without my consent. The former calls for a calm post-dive debrief and discussion, the latter for a well-deserved chewing out and possible dismissal as a future buddy.


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