Incident at 30 feet with humorous outcome

[Bert van den Berg]

The wife was following me in the dinghy while I was lobster hunting solo at Great Barrier Island, New Zealand.

There was the largest lobster I've ever seen sitting on top of a rock at a depth of 30 feet. Too easy except in the ensuing battle somehow the lobster turned on me and grabbed me by the face, mask and regulator. He had all of his legs firmly wrapped around my head. Visions of the movie Aliens went through my mind as I tried to figure out what to do. Finally bit the regulator hard and head butted the lobster till it let go. The hoodie took the brunt of the attack and other than a small cut I was shaken but unhurt by the incident.

After telling my ex dive partner, Terry McMahan, about the incident he wrote a song about the adventure to be sung to the music of "Kiss from a Rose" by the Seals: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w7y19ED6Vrk.


Kissed on the Nose


There used to be a craying diver alone in the sea,

He became attached to a cray by the hoodie,

Love remained, as they waltzed the time away

But did you know,

That when it grows

It’s claws become so large, that

The light of your torch can’t be seen;

Baby,

Let me tell you ‘bout a kiss on the nose from a cray,

Oooh, the more I get of you

The sharper it feels, yeah

Now that your nose is in-claw,

Your eyes will be watering for sure.

………I’ve been kissed on the nose by a cray,

….yeah, I’ve been kissed on the nose by a cray

 

[gcarter]

But did you get to eat it?

 

[Bert van den Berg]

Yup. It also won the Western Underwater Dive Club "Cray of the Year" award.

 

[The Chairman]

2 phreakin phunni! You should https://www.scubaboard.com/community/threads/divers-song-parodies.3237/out my favorite thread of all time: Divers Song Parodies

 

[Altamira]

It is too bad you did not have a buddy with a video camera. That would have been a YouTube hit.

 

[Bert van den Berg]

Since you seem to be enjoying this misadventure... there were a few more words from Terry McMahan that I did not include in the original post:


"Bert, perhaps the big cray thought YOU were dinner! Maybe it was giving you a cray-hongi. Were you making faces at it? If I was there I think I’d have had a laughing fit. Next time that happens, if you put your whole head into the catch bag the cray might hop off. Or you could surface with the bag (and crays) over your head. Maybe you would catch more big crays by putting your head in the holes with a sprat attached to your mask!

Should we call you the ‘cray-whisperer’? Do you recommend any facial-massage techniques? What tunes were you humming at the time – something from ‘the Feelers’? What about ‘close to you’ by the Carpenters? Or ‘Wrap your arms around me’ by Agnetha from ABBA? Or there’s a really OLD song you’d be familiar with, ‘I only have eyes for you’. Will this become a new ‘craze’? We could call it ‘cray-surfing’. Put some music to it e.g Johann Strauss and call it ‘Cray Waltz’. And then the movie, ‘Revenge of the killer Cray’. Peter Jackson could do something there.

OK seriously now, those big killer claws could cause some damage, so I guess the hoodie did a good job. There might be merit in manufacturing an anti-cray suit shaped like a Tuatara, with horns on the hoodie.

Just thought of another wee ditty, rhyming with ‘In Flanders Fields’. I think you’ll feel a connection with this, Bert:-

Tail of a Dead Cray

In Barrier’s Seas the kelp-heads blow,
Among the rocks, down below
That hold our crays; and in the sky
The seagulls s**t; we know not why,
We hide amidst the gunge below.

We are dead crays’; short days ago we lived;
Felt Bert’s rubbery head, basked in the torch-glow
Loved and were loved to eat, a tasty treat
In Barrier’s seas

Take up our quarrel with Bert,
To you from flailing legs we hurt
We just wanted to be gay
But to our incredible dismay
We are pot-bound,
In Barrier’s seas"

 

[The Chairman]

This has gotten a bit cray-zy!

 

[Marie13]

It's cray cray!

 

[Freewillow]

No picture nor measurement of that monster?

 

[Bert van den Berg]

5.5 lbs.