Not sure about trusting my buddy...

[redstilettos]

Let me start out by saying I am a really new diver (second season, and only about 18 dives or so), so I am not in any way trying to make it sound like I know it all. I certainly do not. Here is my dilemma or concern.

I was certified last year with my BF, but I do not feel he is the safest diver out there. He thinks he is a great diver. I have continually voiced my concern about his buddy skills. He swims much farther ahead than me, rarely looks back (at least from what I can see), doesn't think it is a good idea for getting into the habit of safety stops if we are only down 40' for shorter periods of time, and thinks our communication is super. I disagree.

I feel as though I am on my own down there. On a few shallow dives with just the two of us in inland lakes, there were times I couldn't see him at all, and had to surface 4 times on a 25 min dive to find him. I try to explain I prefer for him to dive next to me and not in front, or at least be within an arms length from me, but he keeps insisting he is doing that. Well I have good vision, and with medocre viz I think he needs to stay within eye contact.

He is an airhog, and uses a larger tank to keep our dive about the same. Recently we went and did a dive in the Bahamas. He was running very short on air (I still had 1400-1500), so we signaled to the DM we were heading back. I indicated we would still do a safety stop. He was not happy, but finally settled down until our minutes were up. By the time we surfaced, he was down to less than 100#. He started to take off without me, ran out of air on the surface, and was only about 1/2 way to the boat. I kept swimming as fast as I could to get up to him, but he wouldn't stop. He basically did a back float to the boat. I still had tons of air for the two of us left.

Once I got on board and caught my breath I tore into him (just us were on there other than the capt). And he still couldn't figure out why I was upset. I had PLENTY of air for the two of us to have a normal safety stop as well as a leisurely swim back to the boat. But he doesn't listen to me.

My concern in the back of my mind is he really is just a loose cannon down there, and I am not really sure how good of a safety buddy I have with him

Do I have reason to be concerned, or am I just nervous because I am new?
help?

 

[dkktsunami]

You are a much better diver. Diving is a thinking man's endeavor and he isn't doing his part.

 

[Teamcasa]

First, you are right to be concerned. However, your BF is also a new diver right? His air use and his buddy skills will improve - if you talk to him and clearly state your worries AND he really wants to learn.

If he does not listen, find a new buddy and maybe even a new BF.

 

[D_B]

Dave is correct, and so are you Red , you have valid concerns
... A dive buddy is more that just someone your diving with , a good buddy is a thinking tool kit that can utilize that thinking and the things at his (her) disposal to help if needed, or to head off a problem before it becomes one
Those skills and tools are not available if your buddy, isn't your buddy

Safety stop with one diver low on air, other with plenty, is a great time to practice air share and it will also have the low on air diver at the surface with enough air for contingencies

 

[AZFlyingDiver]

First, you are right to be concerned. However, your BF is also a new diver right? His air use and his buddy skills will improve - if you talk to him and clearly state your worries AND he really wants to learn.

If he does not listen, find a new buddy and maybe even a new BF.

+1
And the disregard for safety stops because dives are shallow and short is a little disconcerting - safety routines are your "other buddy" and knowing as buddies that you ALWAYS do certain things together such as a dive plan, pre-dive checks and that boring safety stop is not only a good habit to get into, it can be life-saving. I suggest talking to him about that and at least coming to an agreement on the very basic, no-matter-what, stuff.

Another quick thought - encourage diving in a way that you are both "smelling the roses" - great diving isn't about racing from one spot to the next. Great diving is like great kissing - slow, long and savored

Good luck, and remember you're doing this to enjoy yourselves!

 

[Doubler]

I am assuming that you are both young men. I am saying this because I am and old man and it isn't unusual for a young man to act as your buddy is acting. Indestructible and great at what ever you do. He'll grow up eventually but you have to make a choice. What he is doing is going to get someone hurt, probably him as you seem to be mature and think out the situation. Buddy distance in the water is directly related to visibility. If you can't see him you are diving solo, if you can't cover the distance between him and you on one breath you are diving solo. As you have stated he is a gas hog and does not seem to understand the concept of buddy diving, which leads to my conclusion that he is going to get hurt or worse. The best thing you can do is insist on side to side buddy configuration. Single file is the worse with someone with buddy skills as you describe them. If he continues find a new buddy.
I have made hundreds of dives without safety stops with no problems. When I learned to dive safety stops were not taught. With getting rid of my tables and switching to a dive computer I do them all the time now. Safety stops are not mandatory but are just good diving safety habits. Habits are learned and it sounds like your buddy is not in the learning mood.

 

[Dana Kay]

I share some of your issues. My dive buddy tends to leave me behind but doesn't do it on purpose. He does look for me often. We are still new as well. Less than 20 dives. I was told, the more you dive together the more you will learn each others habits. We share the same issues with air too. He runs out long before I do. We are working together to correct our issues.

If your dive buddy does not recognize your concerns and his very own short commings, maybe you could ask your instructor for some adivce or even a casual "by chance" meeting somewhere. Have him/her bring up new divers and the importance of buddies staying together.

At any rate, a concerened diver is a safe diver. Don't ever be afraid to question situations or the diver you are with if you are not comfortable.

I don't want to sound like I know everything, Gog only knows I don't, but that would be my approach.

 

[Bonairetrip]

He swims much farther ahead than me...
He is an airhog...
He started to take off without me, ran out of air on the surface, and was only about 1/2 way to the boat...

Your dive buddy/BF is also, I assume, a newer diver. That make his air consumption higher. He is a guy and that also typically makes his consumption higher. But he also seems to zoom around a great deal. Slow, deliberate and streamlined (IRRC, doubling the speed requires quadrupling the energy) is the way he should dive.

There are dive buddy dynamics going on as well as BF/GF dynamics going on. Perhaps if he could take a class like Fundies? Or find a super solid local diver (who would mentor him) to dive with a few dives? To be blunt: He probably needs someone other than you to tell him he really needs to improve his diving skills.

 

[redstilettos]

Doubler, I am...and always will be...a 100%, heel wearing woman...hence the nick Redstilettos But yes, my BF is a man. And we are both still young....if early-to-mid 40's is young. LOL

In response to the rest of the posts: I have repeated told my BF about my concerns. The DM's we have gone with have always done a good job in going over basic points such as being a good buddy, the problem is more with him in thinking he already is and doesn't have to listen to it.

typically all I get is "yes, dear, it's all fine".

As for diving the plan...we always make one, and once he is below the water, that seems to go out the window.

When diving with a group, I watch other partners and can see the difference in the pairings, and even point out those points when we are top-side, but I am met with indifference. Even when I get upset he just smooths things over, promises to take care the next time, but then we run into the same situations the very next tank.

Is just...distressing

 

[Bob DBF]

This is where formal dive planning and debriefing of the dive could put you both on the same page over time. I have a slate with my gear that I note info before and after dives to keep track of objectives as well as other info. It dosen't intefere with the dive but reminds me how task loading can change a dive.

I am an air hog. The main reason is that I move fast and cover ground which comes from a hunting background. Work eats air. When I dive with my daughter it is much more leisurely as she pokes around and takes pictures and my tank seems to last forever.

Bob
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