Post Your Pretty Funny Stuff Here

[pidgiepoo]

After being married for thirty years, a wife asked her husband to describe
> her

> He looked at her for a while ... Then said, "You're A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H,
> I, J, K."

> She asked ... "What does that mean?"

> He said, "Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Foxy, Gorgeous,
> Hot.”

> She smiled happily and said "Oh, that's so lovely ...What about I, J, K?"


> He said, "I'm Just Kidding!"

 

[mobeeno]

[h=5]A young executive was leaving the office late one evening when he found the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.

"Listen," said the CEO, "this is a very sensitive and important document here, and my secretary has gone for the night. Can you make this thing work for me?"

"Certainly," said the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.

"Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO, as his paper disappeared inside the machine. "I just need one copy..."[/h]

 

[pidgiepoo]

An elderly married couple was at home watching TV.
The husband had the remote and was switching back and forth between a fishing channel and the porn channel.
The wife became more and more annoyed and finally said:
"For god's sake! Leave it on the porn channel. You already know how to fish!"

 

[pidgiepoo]

Teacher asks the kids in class: "What do you want to be when you grow up?"
>
> Little Billy: "I wanna be a billionaire, going to the most expensive clubs, take the best bitch, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Copacabana, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel through Europe, an Infinite Visa Card and to make love to her three times a day".
>
> The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with the bad behavior of the child, decides not to give importance to what he said and then continues the lesson . . . . "
>
> And you, Nancy?"
>
> "I wanna be Little Billy's bitch!"

 

[Doc Harry]

The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident, an Anchorage man answered the door to find two grim-faced Alaska State Troopers.

"We're sorry Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your wife." said one trooper...
"Tell me, please! Did you find her?" Wilkens shouted.

The troopers looked at each other. One said, "We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news. Which do you want to hear first?"

Fearing the worst, an ashen Mr. Wilkens said, "Give me the bad news first."

The trooper said, "I'm sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found your wife's body in Kachemak Bay..."

"Oh my God!" exclaimed Wilkens. Swallowing hard, he asked, "Well, what's the good news?"

The trooper continued, "When we pulled her up, she had twelve 25-lb. King crabs and six good-size Dungeness crabs clinging to her and we feel you are entitled to a share in the catch."

Stunned, Mr. Wilkens demanded, "If that's the good news, what's the great news?"

The trooper said, "We're going to pull her up again tomorrow.."

 

[ScubaTigress]

The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident, an Anchorage man answered the door to find two grim-faced Alaska State Troopers.

"We're sorry Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your wife." said one trooper...
"Tell me, please! Did you find her?" Wilkens shouted.

The troopers looked at each other. One said, "We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news. Which do you want to hear first?"

Fearing the worst, an ashen Mr. Wilkens said, "Give me the bad news first."

The trooper said, "I'm sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found your wife's body in Kachemak Bay..."

"Oh my God!" exclaimed Wilkens. Swallowing hard, he asked, "Well, what's the good news?"

The trooper continued, "When we pulled her up, she had twelve 25-lb. King crabs and six good-size Dungeness crabs clinging to her and we feel you are entitled to a share in the catch."

Stunned, Mr. Wilkens demanded, "If that's the good news, what's the great news?"

The trooper said, "We're going to pull her up again tomorrow.."

HAAAAH!!! Ouch..... Baaaaaazingaaaa!!!

 

[Adam Grose]

The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident, an Anchorage man answered the door to find two grim-faced Alaska State Troopers.

"We're sorry Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your wife." said one trooper...
"Tell me, please! Did you find her?" Wilkens shouted.

The troopers looked at each other. One said, "We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news. Which do you want to hear first?"

Fearing the worst, an ashen Mr. Wilkens said, "Give me the bad news first."

The trooper said, "I'm sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found your wife's body in Kachemak Bay..."

"Oh my God!" exclaimed Wilkens. Swallowing hard, he asked, "Well, what's the good news?"

The trooper continued, "When we pulled her up, she had twelve 25-lb. King crabs and six good-size Dungeness crabs clinging to her and we feel you are entitled to a share in the catch."

Stunned, Mr. Wilkens demanded, "If that's the good news, what's the great news?"

The trooper said, "We're going to pull her up again tomorrow.."

WOW!!!! Wrong on SO many levels!!!!!

Adam

 

[Jax]

 

[pidgiepoo]

A woman goes out shopping with her husband and spots a pair of boots she
loves. The husband says: ?”No chance love, they’re way too
expensive”



Later on in bed, the wife is just falling asleep when the husband
tries his luck and places his hand on her hip.


She turns to him and says. ”I don’t think so mate. If you’re not
prepared to shoe the horse then you sure as hell aren’t riding
it”

 

[Jax]

Bitch, please . . .