Jersey
Contributor
Long post...By history, my SO & I have been together on & off since 1988. First time for 4 years, we were young (mid-20's) & he liked other girls a bit too much, so I broke it off (we never lived together). I got married to someone else, that didn't work & we reconnected as a couple in 2001. In 2004 I moved into his house. I thought things were going well. We both have incredible jobs, no debt, no kids, one labrador retriever, share many of the same interests, but each also have separate interests.
In July he disappeared for a weekend. Friday @ 5:00 said he was going to the dive shop to get a new pair of fins, then to his office to check email as he had been off all week. At 9:30 I got a text -'...something came up, be home Sunday night.' Yes, I freaked, called, sent text to no avail. (Stopped at 1 call, 1 text, I am not psycho) Sunday night at 11:15 he strolled throught the door like nothing happened. Would not answer questions, except to say there are things I'm best not to know. Swore up & down there was not another woman, but wouldn't answer questions.
Things got back to fine. Last week he informed me he was going to a retreat Saturday into Sunday, starting therapy, wanted to be open & honest with me, offered to let me read about the retreat. Sunday he came home, we watched football, pretty normal. Monday morn I went off to work. He works 6p to 2a, so he was not home when I arrived. I generally wake around 3a when he gets home & Monday night was no exception. Except 3 came & 4..5..6. At 6:30 I called his office - no answer, call his cell -it's turned off, page him - no reply. At noon he texts spent night at friends, no worry. At 3a he does come home, I'm still awake. He doesn't want to pick a fight, just wants to sleep & off he goes to bed. I certainly can't sleep, pull on my suit, grab the dog & we spend the night driving. Dog & I went to work, I called my ex- to take the dog, packed up enough clothes to get me through the next month, left him a very nice supportive note & went to a single girlfriend with a big house. (He had started the wash before he left as Wednesday is sheets & towels day. I was kind enough to fold the laundry & put fresh sheets on the bed. I am that nice.)
My heart is breaking.
After almost 20 years I thought we were beyond this. I'm not the drama type, I'd rather talk than scream, nor am I the type to run from problems, but feel I can't win. And it doesn't appear at this juncture he wants to communicate with me. I can't live day to day wondering if he is coming home, or if he's injured or worse. I don't know if this was his intended consequence or not, but to give you an idea this is kind of outta-da-blu 3 weeks ago he booked & paid for our early 2008 dive trip to some warm wonderful island we both love. And yes, being a trust but verify girl, I checked with the dive shop, we are both signed up, our names are on the air tickets & he paid the bill in full. I am so full of pain & confusion...
What would you have done? (Other than call your therapist & make an appointment.)
I'm a proponent of therapy for life, consider myself a work in progress & find it easier to pay a professional to discuss my problems & issues rather than rely on friends who have their own set of issues. And yes, I have an apt with my therapist Sat morn... Until then I'd welcome thoughts & comments.
In July he disappeared for a weekend. Friday @ 5:00 said he was going to the dive shop to get a new pair of fins, then to his office to check email as he had been off all week. At 9:30 I got a text -'...something came up, be home Sunday night.' Yes, I freaked, called, sent text to no avail. (Stopped at 1 call, 1 text, I am not psycho) Sunday night at 11:15 he strolled throught the door like nothing happened. Would not answer questions, except to say there are things I'm best not to know. Swore up & down there was not another woman, but wouldn't answer questions.
Things got back to fine. Last week he informed me he was going to a retreat Saturday into Sunday, starting therapy, wanted to be open & honest with me, offered to let me read about the retreat. Sunday he came home, we watched football, pretty normal. Monday morn I went off to work. He works 6p to 2a, so he was not home when I arrived. I generally wake around 3a when he gets home & Monday night was no exception. Except 3 came & 4..5..6. At 6:30 I called his office - no answer, call his cell -it's turned off, page him - no reply. At noon he texts spent night at friends, no worry. At 3a he does come home, I'm still awake. He doesn't want to pick a fight, just wants to sleep & off he goes to bed. I certainly can't sleep, pull on my suit, grab the dog & we spend the night driving. Dog & I went to work, I called my ex- to take the dog, packed up enough clothes to get me through the next month, left him a very nice supportive note & went to a single girlfriend with a big house. (He had started the wash before he left as Wednesday is sheets & towels day. I was kind enough to fold the laundry & put fresh sheets on the bed. I am that nice.)
My heart is breaking.
After almost 20 years I thought we were beyond this. I'm not the drama type, I'd rather talk than scream, nor am I the type to run from problems, but feel I can't win. And it doesn't appear at this juncture he wants to communicate with me. I can't live day to day wondering if he is coming home, or if he's injured or worse. I don't know if this was his intended consequence or not, but to give you an idea this is kind of outta-da-blu 3 weeks ago he booked & paid for our early 2008 dive trip to some warm wonderful island we both love. And yes, being a trust but verify girl, I checked with the dive shop, we are both signed up, our names are on the air tickets & he paid the bill in full. I am so full of pain & confusion...What would you have done? (Other than call your therapist & make an appointment.)
I'm a proponent of therapy for life, consider myself a work in progress & find it easier to pay a professional to discuss my problems & issues rather than rely on friends who have their own set of issues. And yes, I have an apt with my therapist Sat morn... Until then I'd welcome thoughts & comments.
