Why are so many female divers codependent?

[Jayde323]

I was a co-dependant diver. My husband wanted to dive, not me. When we first started out, my husband did everything. He is much more mechanically inclined than I am. At the time, my plan was just to get certified and thats it. The equiptment looked too hard for me to learn and I was afraid I was going to kill myself if I didn't set it up properly. Now we are completing our divemaster certification and helping out in classes, I am totally hands on. The only time my husband touches my gear is the buddy checks (and the heavy lifting of course). I do not regret having been a co-dependant diver, it takes me a little more time to build confidence in something new like this. My husband knows this and also knows when it's time to rip off the training wheels so to speak.

 

[gNats]

I had absolutely no idea that Christ was such a factor in getting women to dive!

Hahahaha - yep. You have me there. I stand corrected - should have written "... because of her significant other." <grin>

Of course I also want her to be intelligent, drop dead gorgeous and have a substantial trust fund. I guess that explains why I've never experienced co-dependency and dive solo.

Funny, I am looking FOR THE EXACT SAME THING, in the male variety. If I meet any of those women, I'll be sure to pass them along to you. Think you would do the same for me? <grin>

 

[drbill]

It's a deal gNats!

 

[Splitlip]

LOL.
Come over this way. No shortage of independent female divers!

These gals will give any man a run for his money.

Yahoo Group for LadyGaDivers - Spearboard Spearfishing Community

In my experience, it is really difficult to find female divers who are independent. The husband or boyfriend brings her into the shop, saying he wants her to learn to dive. The man picks out the gear. The man assembles the gear. The man carries the gear. I seen many women who have no idea how to put a reg on their tank. My husband has even had a male customer who is using his hoseless AI computer to moniter his wife's air while her computer was hooked on her ankle! :11:

How and why does this happen? Here are some of my observations/ theories:
-Dive gear is "mechanical" and most women tend to think that mechanics are Men's Stuff. The men continue this problem by assembling gear for women and even by doing things in the water like reaching out and inflating/ deflating the woman's BC for her and by adding and subtracting weight for her. Although women learn in class how to assemble their own gear (hopefully) they probably forget if it is always done for them after OW.
-Men want to protect their wives. We were all taught at a young age that the men are the Protectors. When women are diving, they become too protective and actually inhibit the female's independence.
-Women have a natural tendency to be more conservative than men. All extreme sports show an abundance of male participants. I guess this is an instinct we have evolved to stay alive and raise the babies; continue the human race. The men were the ones stupid enough to go chase mammoths with spears! We picked roots and berries. Anyways, this natural tendency toward conservatism is something we are trying to overcome by our participation in scuba diving.
-We don't look awesome with mask lines and snot on our lips. Lots of women don't want to be seen in a wetsuit. Well, they're just missing out, but honestly there are some women who are just too vain/ high maintenance for scuba.
-Many instructors do not encourage female independence. Often the husbands begin their overprotective, take-charge attitude in OW class and the woman never has a chance to learn to dive without him. He hovers over her, sets up her gear, and then pulls her around underwater. This is the same problem instructors have with parents and children - they need to seperate the spouses and keep them separated so the women can learn. We tried this method with a class recently and had success with the women being more independent and comfortable with their skills.

I don't think either sex is doing this purposefully, it is a cultural issue. We have been raised this way. But we need to break the mold. My husband is now going to seperate the men and women for every class until the last dive. I am seeking women to buddy up with. I am encouraging new girl divers to come out to the lake with me, without the spouses. I am thinking of setting up a Girls Only Dive Club. Would you believe, in my husband's last class, a poor girl had to ask him if she could dive with a tampon? She must have been so embarrassed! But that's something important that should be included in our dive training. Agency curriculum does not address Diving On Your Period or How To Fit Your Boobs In A BC. How can women learn to dive independently if the agencies, instructors, and diving community do not address our feminine needs?

 

[Zieg]

...Here are some of my observations/ theories:
-Dive gear is "mechanical" and most women tend to think that mechanics are Men's Stuff. The men continue this problem by assembling gear for women and even by doing things in the water like reaching out and inflating/ deflating the woman's BC for her and by adding and subtracting weight for her. Although women learn in class how to assemble their own gear (hopefully) they probably forget if it is always done for them after OW.
-Men want to protect their wives. We were all taught at a young age that the men are the Protectors. When women are diving, they become too protective and actually inhibit the female's independence.
-Women have a natural tendency to be more conservative than men. All extreme sports show an abundance of male participants. I guess this is an instinct we have evolved to stay alive and raise the babies; continue the human race. The men were the ones stupid enough to go chase mammoths with spears! We picked roots and berries. Anyways, this natural tendency toward conservatism is something we are trying to overcome by our participation in scuba diving.
-We don't look awesome with mask lines and snot on our lips. Lots of women don't want to be seen in a wetsuit. Well, they're just missing out, but honestly there are some women who are just too vain/ high maintenance for scuba.

I don't think either sex is doing this purposefully, it is a cultural issue. We have been raised this way. But we need to break the mold. My husband is now going to seperate the men and women for every class until the last dive. I am seeking women to buddy up with. I am encouraging new girl divers to come out to the lake with me, without the spouses. I am thinking of setting up a Girls Only Dive Club. Would you believe, in my husband's last class, a poor girl had to ask him if she could dive with a tampon? She must have been so embarrassed! But that's something important that should be included in our dive training. Agency curriculum does not address Diving On Your Period or How To Fit Your Boobs In A BC. How can women learn to dive independently if the agencies, instructors, and diving community do not address our feminine needs?

Thanks to the latest post I re-read the original post. There were several things that came to my mind when I finished reading.

I do not know if it is me or my environment, but the women I've always associated with have never fit into any co-dependent category.

Some years ago I had some friends over for a weekend of diving. They brought along another person who liked to dive. She was a single mother raising two active sons. I fell in love. Talk about independent. When she was putting on her dry suit, I tried to help her with the zipper and nearly lost my hand. She had a device for pulling the zipper across her back and didn't need anyones help. She doesn't need any help with her gear and is quite capable of dealing with any problems on her own. I know it makes my live easier, I don't worry about her.

Mechanical? Well, my wife is an engineer. She was a bridge inspector. She currently works for the Navy in Panama City dealing with underwater vehicles.

Chasing Mammoths? My wife would have been leading the pack, heaving the first spear. She hates roots. She says, "If it doesn't have a face, I don't want to eat it". Then again, she has her own spear gun and gets her own fish.

Awesome? My wife does look awesome with mask lines and snot on her face. I believe that is because at that moment she has just finished a dive and is the happiest she can be, with a smile plastered on her face that will light up the midnight sky. She would live in her wet suit if she could.

As for "Agency curriculum does not address Diving On Your Period or How To Fit Your Boobs In A BC", I would hope that any woman would already know how to adjust or fit her boobs. No agency curriculum I know of addressed "Fitting Your Testicles In A Wet suit Or BC With Crotch Strap".

Perhaps it has something to do with not finding co-dependent women attractive, therefore I don't really notice them. The women in my life have always been very independent. I've dove with a large number of women over the years. When I think back, quite a few of them were married and the husbands stayed home. There was one who's boyfriend started diving because she was diving.

 

[drbill]

Good points Zieg. Although I normally dive solo, I have a few buddies who I dive with when they are available. Almost all are females with husbands or SO's that don't dive. All of them are very independent and a pleasure to dive with. They dive because they love to do so. Sigh, if only one of them were single!

 

[Soakedlontra]

I hope I did this reply correctly

I LOVE MY SUUNTO. I took my OW classes using the D-9 wrist computer. Very cool piece of technology, loved the bells and whistles, but the face of the computer was very small and very hard to read. I gave that back to its rightful owner and bought the Cobra.

Here is my research: The Gekko is very similar to the Cobra. The biggest difference (other than a few $$$), was the PC-download. The Gekko does not seemlessly connect to the Suunto Dive Manager software. Being a computer geek, it was important to me to download my dives to a laptop.

I love the ease to use, the clarity of the display module, and the preference settings. Same with the compass. It is very easy to read and is as stable as possible under the conditions.

The Cobra II has a few more bells and whistles, but it is even more $$$ than the Cobra and has the electronic compass. The D-9 had the same compass, and it was incredibly hard to read and use. My advice would be to save the money on the Cobra II and opt for the Cobra with analog compass.

I didn't start to "get" the Cobra until after the first dive. Of course, mine was new so I didn't have any dives in the history. But, I had to first play, then read the manual, then compare the computer against the manual and then dive again.

The manual was written pretty technical, and you have to hunt and peck for the right graphics, but once it starts to click a bit, it all falls into place.

If you like the Gekko, but want the PC download ability, you will really like the Cobra. If you don't need the PC download, then the Gekko is a great computer. About $200-$300 dollars less than the Cobra.

I hope this helps. Happy diving and good luck as lead diver.

Thanks!

I will keep it in mind when I am able to afford one.

In the meantime I console myself thinking that my air consumption is over the roof still and a computer right now would not help me to give me more bottom time, I like the challenge of learning the proper ascent rate without looking at a screen and rely solely on a gadget and I want to learn how to use my buddy's computer as well...

Happy SAFE diving

 

[TSandM]

Soaked, when we dive in a couple of weeks, I'll bring several different computers for you to have a look at . . . Peter will have a Cobra and a Vytec, and I'll bring a Mosquito and an Aladin Tech 2g, and a Liquivision that everybody can drool over.

I saw this thread during the weekend. We were running an entire emergency room at top speed with an entirely female crew, docs and nurses. No dependent people of any kind there!

 

[gadiva]

I think this is wonderful, except for the fact that I don't have a Theo or an Ana's husband so I can be lazy once in a while.:439:

Marsha, Marsha, Marsha (yet, again)

Look it up in urbandictionary.com

 

[Veronica]

Okay, I did beleive that if you can't gear up or carry your own gear that you should not be diving, but like the person above me said..everyone needs a little help.. My old instructor geared up a paralegic and gave him the chance of a life time..HE HAD A BLAST. SO THAT WAS A ONE TIME THING. It is very importent to know your gear, how it works and if you can not take care of yourself... How are you going to help your partner out if need be? I am = to my dive buddy.. We or all three of us knows that we are solid divers. No ???? here.
Sometimes a man ie: boyfriend or husband beleives that they must do things for you and it's hard on them to let go or except the fact that your as good as they are if not better. I'm just your average diver..keep learning, keep paying attention and never take anything for granite.. Spell Check?