Worst Christmas Present...

[Fish_Whisperer]

Actually, for Christmas, one year, I got a "Percussive Vascectomy" in the form of a Murray Beach Cruiser ten-speed bike. I'd outgrown my little BMX-style bicycle, so my parents bought me this tank-like monstrosity. The seat was very slippery and my legs were too short, so I ended up repeatedly slipping off the seat and banging my nacho on the crossbar. It happened so many times in the first week of having that bike, that I was pretty sure I would never be able to have children, and that I had succeeded in turning my prostate into something resembling a lemon that had been stomped on with golf cleats.

I later had a truly horrific crash on that bike that broke my front teeth, scraped the entire right side of my face off, dislocated my jaw, and lacerated the inside of my lower lip, requiring four hours in the ER, having bits of gravel and asphalt picked out, and 14 sutures.

I'd say that qualifies as the most awful Christmas present I've ever received. Thanks, mom and dad...

*sob*

 

[Wristshot]

My sister once gave me xmas wrapping paper and scotch tape for Christmas. And she wrapped the packs of wrapping paper and tape using her own wrapping paper and tape. She gave my brother the same thing.

Now you need to understand that my brother has always been pathetic about gift giving, but I have usually been an outstanding gift giver. So if my brother got wrapping paper and tape we would assume that it was a hint. But I got it also.

To this day we are mistified.

Runner up would be at the gift exchange here at my company in 1983, one guy from some foreign country bought perfume for a guy from another different foreign country. Giver didn't understand the difference between perfume and cologne. Receiver wanted to kill giver. Not a pleasant sight, not in keeping with the holiday spirit. Funny as hell to all but the cowering gift giver and the furious receipient.

Honorable mention for me would have to be my sister giving me another empty photo album this year, even though she knows that I have gone digital. Bless her heart, and thank goodness she lives 800 miles away.


Wristshot

 

[Wristshot]

. . . and then there was the girlfriend that broke up with me for my birthday. Not what I was hoping for, and a far cry from what had been promised !