Bullied under water

[halocline]

Wow, once again the lynch mob forms. None of us were there and I suspect there's more to this story than the side we're hearing about. Use a dive knife, really?

OP, does your brother in law treat others underwater like this or just you? A bully is probably going to treat lots of other divers badly. If he or someone else in the group were telling this story how would it be different? I realize you're upset, but having a chorus of strangers chime in to say 'get that bastard' is probably not the most useful approach.

 

[Lee Viathan]

WOW. Who died and made this a-hole king? How completely rude. I'd dive with a speargun if I were around the all powerful, all knowing undersea rectum.

What everyone's said so far is right on the money. This jerk needs to be pulled up by the short and curlies, and understand that his asinine behavior is endangering those around him. I made a decision a long time ago in a former career that I was always going to come home at the end of my shift. I don't suffer situations or fools who would prohibit my safe return. He falls squarely into this catagory.

That would be the end of my diving with them period. If your dive buddies have no regard for your safety, they really aren't your buddies, are they?

For inspiration, give the John Wayne movie "The Quiet Man" a watch.

Safe Diving and good luck in this situation

-Lee

 

[AfterDark]

Wow, once again the lynch mob forms. None of us were there and I suspect there's more to this story than the side we're hearing about. Use a dive knife, really?

OP, does your brother in law treat others underwater like this or just you? A bully is probably going to treat lots of other divers badly. If he or someone else in the group were telling this story how would it be different? I realize you're upset, but having a chorus of strangers chime in to say 'get that bastard' is probably not the most useful approach.

Bullies only bully those they believe or know will not push back. The OP maybe the only one that fits that bill for him.

 

[DennisS]

Sounds like a member of the self righteous, self appointed, scuba police

---------- Post added January 4th, 2014 at 09:39 AM ----------



---------- Post added January 4th, 2014 at 09:40 AM ----------

 

[Rich Keller]

His behavior underwater is a direct threat to your life so you should never dive with this a$$hole again.

 

[Storker]

does your brother in law treat others underwater like this or just you? A bully is probably going to treat lots of other divers badly.

I don't know how much experience you have with bullies, so I'll restrict myself to just say that that's not my experience. It's a lot more common that a bully finds a favorite victim and concentrates on him/her. To others he may very well be a really nice guy.

It's a lot easier to get away with bullying if only a selected few know that you're a grade 1 gold-plated bastard.



--
Sent from my Android phone
Typos are a feature, not a bug

 

[Jim Lapenta]

What Storker said is more often than not the rule when it comes to bullies. Sure there will be the a$$wipe who is bigger than everyone and lauds it over them. But quite often he or she is a person who is so insecure around others that in order to feel somehow better they find some one or a couple some ones to be superior over. This is often seen in families as well where dad or mom is a grade a prick and yet the entire community thinks they are the salt of the earth on the outside. Inside they terrorize the family.

The first time he grabbed you in that manner should have been the last. On the surface you should have simply told him to keep his hands to himself. The second time therefore you would have been justified in walking up and slapping him in the face and telling him to keep his goddamn hands to himself loudly and so as many people as possible were aware of it. And your husband should have a talk with him. One that makes it clear than if he touches you again he'll pull back a bloody stump.

It should also be said that your sister may be getting abused in some way at home. If not you should have asked her why the hell she was filming it and not sticking up for you. If she has no problem with it or thought her husband was ok doing what he did you just say to hell with her. Write her off and walk away. Family does not let stuff like that happen. If they do they are not family any longer. You lose nothing by cutting her and her bully out of your life. What you gain though is peace of mind and maybe some friends who are not so sucky as the ones you dumped.

 

[ctwreck]

I agree with what most have posted and I will not address the most important and serious issue.... which is the abusive actions of your brother in law. Instead, I want to express my opinion concerning shell collecting. No one needs to explain or justify collecting shells to anyone, including other divers, unless it is illegal, prohibited by law or by the dive boat captain. There are exceptions to this... local customs and practices... etc. However, your brother in law doesn't even come close to being an exception. As a matter of fact, if he pulled any of his stunts(verbal or physical) with me... he would receive an appropriate response in return.. and I will guarantee, he would not be comfortable(as I suspect you were not on many occasions).

I collect shells, including empty conch, because I enjoy it. My wife, a non-diver, enjoys seeing me clean and present her with shells for display and gifting. I also love to collect artifacts off of shipwrecks and from other aquatic environments. Other divers may not collect, for whatever reason, and that is fine with me. But I will not allow them to infringe on my enjoyment. I dive with many, many, many friends... new and old, who enjoy diving for what it is. There are a few divers out there that I will never dive with for the above reasons and otherwise... your brother-in-law is very close to the top of that list.

Dive, dive, dive and send me a picture of some of your treasure!

 

[uncfnp]

Just some thoughts and an attempt to bring some reality to your response since I doubt you will be taking a knife to him.

There is some obvious complications:
1) He is family
2) No one else sees a problem in his behavior
3) No one is standing up for you

I really don't have any personal experiences to draw from so none of this maybe helpful. Since you obviously can not change his behavior, he has no incentive to change, you have to change your response. It sounds like you have tried to reason with him to no avail. Perhaps a stronger response (short of lead) may make him realize you are serious (unlikely). The other option is changing your response to him. This could mean no longer diving with a group you otherwise enjoy and probably alienating your family. Or lastly, adapt your response to his behavior. Do not let it stress you and put you in a dangerous place underwater. Go with the flow. Do not give him drama or the pleasure that he obviously gets from his dominance.

I know this seems counterintuitive and certainly not my gut response but given you situation may be an option...

 

[Scared Silly]

You can pick your friends, not your family. Just cause the are family does not mean they are friends. Being a friend is something that is earned. IMHO it sounds like it is just time to move on to another dive group sans other family members.

If at some point in time your sister asks why they have not seen you be perfectly clear and state again that while you have great appreciation and respect for the underwater world you have found her husband's actions objectionable and that you do not feel comfortable in social settings. I.e. acknowledge his view point but state your feelings. Then be done with it. Life is too short for family BS.