If you had your life to live over
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lovely, just lovely
grazie42 once bubbled...
Ok, I´ve read the previous posts and think most of them make a great deal of sense but as I agree with the "medium is the message" school of thought here´s my attempt to formulate my ideas about this subject and maybe make a few converts
Here goes:
I regret the things I haven´t done, not the ones I have...
my biggest regret is of course not having done more "things".
My approach is not to dwell on this but instead to try to do more things TODAY, or tommorow and I find that attitude helpful in getting over my regrets over past inaction.
I´m open to trying everything (well almost anyway) once and I think that helps me do things that I might otherwise not dare to do.
I also try to continuosly learn new things as I feel that helps me grow as a person, I wouldn´t go so far as to say that a person is the sum of his/her experiences but I think it´s pretty close to the truth.
I find it ironic that a lot of people live their lives as if they fear life more than death (even if they usually claim the opposite).
The theory of a multiverse is also a comforting thougt during those times when regret threatens to overwhelm me, that somewhere there is a version of me living the path of the different choices...
Any regrets? -Only my regrets!!
Jersey
Contributor
Hello Peg, and what an interesting topic. Ever seen the movie Sliding Doors w/ Gwyneth Paltrow? It asks the "what if?" Youth is wasted on the young. They will go out & make the same mistakes man has been making before written history.
My credo - "No regrets". Negative emotions destroy. Like Windwalker, my pain and EXPERIENCES have made me who I am. While I may not like the experience, or what I become from it, they are me.
OHDiver & DiverBrian- do you know me?? heehee! Loving myself IS the thing I would change. Martyr/saviour?? I wrote the book. Years of therapy. I lost my personhood, my identify. I'm still learning... Trying to get me back. I think it's partly a woman thing, think we can do it all, be it all, save everyone.
Aquabella - the flip side of your coin - when you are 40, your kids will be in HS or college & you will still be so young!! Enjoy them! God willing, you will have many years to share with them. You could be 40, childless, & unable to have any.
To those sitting there wishing they had waited till they 'found themselves' to get married, while this may sound horrible, I would probably have accepted a few earlier proposals even if I knew the marriage would end at some point, rather then waiting till my 30's & finding out 8 yrs later that things don't always go according to plan. But I don't even regret that, I learned a lot & helped a very good person w/ their own discoveries.
DrBill - may I congratulate you on finding your son? While you missed the first 19 years, your life experiences during that time have made you a more interesting person. Share that. New dive buddy perhaps?
Raviopoo - I'm so sorry reading your words "...I prefer the person I used to be, before I was molded by cruelty & betrayal." I too have been used, abused, etc. Experiences have left me harder, more compulsive, cynical, jaded, a little brittle. Please try to get some help to integrate these experiences. I've managed to send my lawyers & therapists kids through Harvard, why shouldn't everyone else!! (See - there is that cynic cropping up!)
Otter, I love A Road Less Traveled. I also like Leo Buscaglia & Brian Tracy for motivational writing. And Maslow for his work on self actualization. I agree, fear is what prevents us from becoming our potential. Sad.
But to answer the original question, I would have:
done more volunteer work,
adopted more pets sooner,
had a child,
taken more risks,
told someone I loved them,
started diving a lot sooner!!
My credo - "No regrets". Negative emotions destroy. Like Windwalker, my pain and EXPERIENCES have made me who I am. While I may not like the experience, or what I become from it, they are me.
OHDiver & DiverBrian- do you know me?? heehee! Loving myself IS the thing I would change. Martyr/saviour?? I wrote the book. Years of therapy. I lost my personhood, my identify. I'm still learning... Trying to get me back. I think it's partly a woman thing, think we can do it all, be it all, save everyone.
Aquabella - the flip side of your coin - when you are 40, your kids will be in HS or college & you will still be so young!! Enjoy them! God willing, you will have many years to share with them. You could be 40, childless, & unable to have any.
To those sitting there wishing they had waited till they 'found themselves' to get married, while this may sound horrible, I would probably have accepted a few earlier proposals even if I knew the marriage would end at some point, rather then waiting till my 30's & finding out 8 yrs later that things don't always go according to plan. But I don't even regret that, I learned a lot & helped a very good person w/ their own discoveries.
DrBill - may I congratulate you on finding your son? While you missed the first 19 years, your life experiences during that time have made you a more interesting person. Share that. New dive buddy perhaps?
Raviopoo - I'm so sorry reading your words "...I prefer the person I used to be, before I was molded by cruelty & betrayal." I too have been used, abused, etc. Experiences have left me harder, more compulsive, cynical, jaded, a little brittle. Please try to get some help to integrate these experiences. I've managed to send my lawyers & therapists kids through Harvard, why shouldn't everyone else!! (See - there is that cynic cropping up!)
Otter, I love A Road Less Traveled. I also like Leo Buscaglia & Brian Tracy for motivational writing. And Maslow for his work on self actualization. I agree, fear is what prevents us from becoming our potential. Sad.
But to answer the original question, I would have:
done more volunteer work,
adopted more pets sooner,
had a child,
taken more risks,
told someone I loved them,
started diving a lot sooner!!
carebear
Guest
Another vote for the road less traveled- also have any of you read wherever you go, there you are? It's another book that gets you thinking less about the daily grind and more about perspective.
More than regret, I wish I had the last 7 or so years of my life to live over, kind of a 'do over', just so I could go through my 20s again.
I'm very touched by all of your words. My heart goes out to those of you who have been hurt by the adversity of life. I too, suffered a difficult breakup recently and it definately had me questioning my view on life and my value as a person. It was without a doubt the worst time in my life. The fact that my ex was serious about another girl in about 2 seconds (if that ) didn't help matters any.
But let me offer any of you who have regrets the message I received from one of my close friends, who also had learned from the traumas of life. We are all a culmination of our life's experience, and we go through growing pains, but that is what led us to the person we are today! And really, where would we be without our experience and mistakes? Granted it would be nice to have the knowledge we have now back then but that's the irony of life and in reality that could lead us in yet another direction we would just be regretting something else. Most of us are still at least relatively healthy and have a lot of life and experiences left to mess up.
Life has a funny way of working itself out sometimes.
More than regret, I wish I had the last 7 or so years of my life to live over, kind of a 'do over', just so I could go through my 20s again.
I'm very touched by all of your words. My heart goes out to those of you who have been hurt by the adversity of life. I too, suffered a difficult breakup recently and it definately had me questioning my view on life and my value as a person. It was without a doubt the worst time in my life. The fact that my ex was serious about another girl in about 2 seconds (if that
) didn't help matters any.But let me offer any of you who have regrets the message I received from one of my close friends, who also had learned from the traumas of life. We are all a culmination of our life's experience, and we go through growing pains, but that is what led us to the person we are today! And really, where would we be without our experience and mistakes? Granted it would be nice to have the knowledge we have now back then but that's the irony of life and in reality that could lead us in yet another direction we would just be regretting something else. Most of us are still at least relatively healthy and have a lot of life and experiences left to mess up.
Life has a funny way of working itself out sometimes.
OP
keytofreedom
Registered
A "do over" of the twenties is the best idea I've heard yet. That was the most fun I ever had...not the most meaningful time of my life, but definitely the most fun for me. Maybe "do over" isn't the right term. More like the kids after a ride at Disney World, "One more time..PLEASE...just one more time!"
mofosaurus
Guest
have more sex definitely, definitely, more sex
carebear
Guest
Keep us updated on how your book idea is going!
Boogie711
Guest
Living life over knowing things, that is.
We will always have regrets. That's humanity.
I believe that life doesn't deliver failures, it delivers lessons. It's up to us whether or not we want to learn.
Those who learn look upon those experiences as opportunities, and realize that those experiences, while traumatic or scary at the time, have undoubtedly shaped who they are today.
Those who don't learn look back and say "Geez, I wish I could do it over again."
No offense to anyone intended or imparted. My experiences are who I am. To live life over again knowing what I know now just means I'd have to relive a whole lot of different "lessons" on a different life curve.
We will always have regrets. That's humanity.
I believe that life doesn't deliver failures, it delivers lessons. It's up to us whether or not we want to learn.
Those who learn look upon those experiences as opportunities, and realize that those experiences, while traumatic or scary at the time, have undoubtedly shaped who they are today.
Those who don't learn look back and say "Geez, I wish I could do it over again."
No offense to anyone intended or imparted. My experiences are who I am. To live life over again knowing what I know now just means I'd have to relive a whole lot of different "lessons" on a different life curve.
FreeFloat
Contributor
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...As for doing stuff over, I'll have to agree No Thanks. I have lived through some pretty tough things -- a medical professional once said "geez, you've lived twice as much as your years" -- but if I hadn't experienced the dark, how would I recognize the light?
It's sorta like watching a 'time travel' conundrum on Star Trek - you know that if the character changes anything, he'll affect everything that happens later. If I removed any of my past, I wouldn't be who I am today. And finally, I've figured out (mostly) who I am and I AM HAPPY.
I would take up a lifelong vow of celibacy at age 13.
May spare me a lifetime of liars, idiots, painfully inflated egos, meglomaniacs, worse-than-wastes-of-times, etc. etc.
May spare me a lifetime of liars, idiots, painfully inflated egos, meglomaniacs, worse-than-wastes-of-times, etc. etc.
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