When is it OK for a dive buddy to leave another diver?

[DivemasterDennis]

Back to the original question- When is it ok to leave your buddy? In my book, and for all those I train, the answer is never, unless the buddy is trapped and you have no alternative but to leave and get assistance. My wife is my dive buddy if she is on the boat, and we have hundreds of dives together. If I am not diving with her, and have an assigned buddy, I always have a mini-briefing with my buddy beyond the dive boat briefing. In casual but pleasant conversation I learn their name, when they last dove, their experience level, whether they have any issues (problems equalizing, air consumption, etc.) and share the same with them. Too many people, especially on dive boat excursions led by a dive pro in the water omit this step and assume they will all just be together. They attach no meaning to having a buddy, and have no communication with them to speak of before the dive. That is bad. ALWAYS do a buddy plan- and if you are the new diver, like the OP, it is all the more important, for you and for your buddy. If a buddy has an ear problem, stay with them, even surface with them to be sure they are ok, and then proceed if you are up to it. A new diver may not want to go rejoin the group. The DM in the water should have had an awareness of the issue, but the new diver is still responsible for herself and her buddy. If a diver is feeling anxiety about the dive they sure better share it with the dive leader AND their buddy. So, everyone, be a buddy. Plan the dive with your buddy, get acquainted with you buddy before the dive, and be sure you have an understanding of what you will BOTH do in different circumstances. That's diving 101. Learn it and remember it and practice it. I have blog on this if you want a little more info. Divers are friendly peope- let's talk to each other before every dive.
DivemasterDennis

 

[Sabanist]

Never heard of someone aborting a dive because of equalization issues. But imo, in that circumstance it seems the budy alerted you to his issue. He likely couldve waited for your decision to carry on or abort with him. But ive been in the water and my budy had to surface without me. In that case i just buddied with the dm in the water.

 

[aquaregia]

I've aborted many dives because my buddy could not equalize. In each case, I accompanied my buddy back to the entry point.

A pony may be good peace of mind for someone who is concerned about running out of gas, but I don't think it's the right solution for a strong fear. I would (and do) limit my diving to what I feel I can handle with my buddy in distress. If this means more pool time or limiting yourself to 20' for a while, there's nothing wrong with this. If you need to blindly trust your equipment to prevent yourself from panicking underwater... I just don't see how that isn't a massive liability.

 

[TSandM]

This is why I don't like group diving.

When I get in the water, no matter how or where the dive is being conducted, I have a designated buddy or buddies, and we are a team. If someone has to abort the dive, we all do, and there's no confusion, because that is known before we get in the water.

So the situation described by the OP wouldn't have been a problem, because as soon as the buddy headed for the surface, I would have gone with him, whether he had communicated what the problem was or not.

If you are in a CLASS, and you are expected to perform certain tasks or skills, things might be somewhat different -- but in that case, the instructor should have been close enough for either of the divers to let him know what the problem was. Often, though, the "divemaster" for the dive is an instructor, but that doesn't mean that everyone on the dive has to do what he does.

My take on reading the original post is that the original poster has some serious fear and anxiety issues that need to be overcome, still. In the face of strong anxiety, it's very hard to process information. When I was a new and rather anxious diver, I understood about 30% of what people signed to me, and that ADDED to my anxiety. Sometimes, the best thing you can do is hire a pro (instructor or DM) to dive as your buddy, until you have enough time underwater to bolster your confidence. I, for example, could not dive with my husband for the first six months or so I was diving, because he would leave my sight and I couldn't cope with that. I found other buddies who were experienced and reliable, and dove with them until I could tolerate a little uncertainty.

I hope you can find some more benign situations to build your confidence. Although our students here in Puget Sound have a lot to cope with, with cold water, heavy gear, and low viz, they have the advantage of TONS of readily available, benign shore diving to gain experience and become relaxed. Places where the only options are boat dives are much harder for new divers, I think.

 

[mk706]

So. 20' down the rope, my buddy tapped on my tank, got my attention, pointed to his head & swam to the surface. I didn't know what to do b/c he didn't take me with him.

Your dive buddy got your attention, indicated a problem and swam to the surface. As a certified diver you should have been taught that a diver can abort a dive at any time for any reason. Additionally, you should have been taught that if your dive buddy aborts the dive, your dive is aborted. A caveat would be if another diver assumes buddy duties.

As I was new, it was my first dive

Ellie, you indicated that you were certified prior to executing this dive. From your story it sounds like your OW instructor certified you before you were ready. Prior to this dive, you should have completed multiple confined water sessions as well as four open water dives under the instructor's direct supervision. You should be confident and capable in the water prior to certification. Sounds like your OW instructor trained to time instead of standard. Your OW instructor certified you as trained & ready even though you lacked confidence and skills.

I was afraid & he had promised to hold my hand, being left wasn't something I factored in. So I just held onto the rope, breathed hard, started crying (hard to accomplish in a mask), didn't throw up but wanted to.

This was your second indication that the dive should have been aborted. Why did you continue the dive? Thankfully, you completed the dive without serious incident. A dive that starts out poorly rarely gets better. One key to completing a successful dive is knowing when to call a dive. A sense of panic - crying & needing to vomit definitely count as key indicators that completing the dive isn't worthwhile.

PS: I haven't dived since. The whole experience was terribly unpleasant.

Recommend not returning to open water diving until you gain the confidence required. Recommend finding a dive professional willing to work with you to improve your confidence and abilities. You would be well served by spending bottom time in a very controlled environment (e.g., pool) under a professional's supervision. Build from there. Consider hiring a DM to guide you through your next several open water dives. Keep them shallow. There's plenty of reef to see without going deep. You'll quickly realize your air consumption isn't that great, and that you can enjoy a good long dive on a tank without ever suffering an OOA incident.

Both of you were certified divers prior to executing this dive. You both should have discussed the dive prior to the day of execution. Sounds like the lack of communication went both ways. In the future, your pre-dive discussion should include topics like: gear configuration, communication & hand/audible signals, emergency procedures (e.g., OOA, CESA), et cetera.

Sounds like you're committed to diving. Recommend finding that dive professional to help you get back in the water and blowing bubbles as soon as possible. Once your confidence develops, you'll be a capable diver in no time.

 

[ItsBruce]

The only thing that I have to add is a comment about your fear of running out of air while underwater. I'd like to hear a bit more about it being an "irrational fear." While you may call it an "irrational fear," it may really just be a healthy concern. A healthy concern will help keep you safe.

For example, do you think you are about to run out of air? Do you have the feeling that you are likely to run out of air? Is this when you have a full tank at the surface? Or, is the "irrational fear" just an urge to frequently check of your gauge?

I do not mean to scare you, but running low on air at depth is not good. Running out entirely is very bad. I'm sorry, to have to say it, but it is so bad that running out of air is something that you should fear. Fortunately, avoiding either is not particularly difficult. Have a dive plan that includes heading to the surface when your air supply reaches a certain point and then monitor your gauges. A buddy may be helpful in the event of a catastrophic equipment failure, rare though that is.

So, really looking at what it is that constitutes an "irrational fear" may help you understand it and deal with it and may help you make it your ally and protector.

Sorry, but I lied. ... I have one more thing to add: One thing that I think might be very helpful is finding a really good dive buddy, one who will do remarkably easy dives with you and be right next to you during the dive. When I say remarkably easy, I mean go down the line and sit on the bottom with you for 5 or 10 minutes and then surface with you. If you feel like holding hands, then hold hands. My guess is that you will tire of just holding hands and sitting and that you will want to do something more. When that happens, swim a bit ... assuming you've discussed it as part of your dive plan. You will be amazed what will happen when there is no pressure on you to perform during a dive.

 

[Centrals]

It is never OK to leave your buddy under any reason.
If my buddy gives me signal to ascent for whatever reason, I will just follow. Communication under water is never easy even if you are "experienced".
A good buddy understanding needs time to develop.

 

[Blue Sparkle]

When I say remarkably easy, I mean go down the line and sit on the bottom with you for 5 or 10 minutes and then surface with you. If you feel like holding hands, then hold hands. My guess is that you will tire of just holding hands and sitting and that you will want to do something more. When that happens, swim a bit ... assuming you've discussed it as part of your dive plan. You will be amazed what will happen when there is no pressure on you to perform during a dive.

That might not be a bad idea. I was fairly anxious on my first few post-certification dives (even after my "refresher" OW cert), and I found that that really helped. I didn't have the buoyancy skill to hover, and I would feel a bit anxious about breathing and just the whole thing, and so we would just find a sandy patch near the boat and drop down and "sit" there. Once I was doing that there was nearly no task loading and I could just look around and enjoy the surroundings. It was very calming. Then, as you said, I found that pretty soon I was eager to get up and go have a look around.

I continued that for a half dozen dives or so, and by then I was over the worst "hump" of anxiety.

That's not to say the OP should just continue diving in the face of unbearable anxiety and fear, but I do like your idea.

Blue Sparkle

 

[EllieMay]

Did your instructor inform you that dive planning begins when you decide to actually go diving? Not on the boat, not on the way to the boat. But when you signed up for those dives you both should have started the process. He being the more experienced diver should have started going over the "what if" scenarios. What if you get really freaked? What if you cannot equalize? What if he cannot? What if you get to the bottom and decide that you want to go back up? What if one of you gets tired, seasick, cramps, etc? All of this should have been discussed before you stepped foot on the dock.

You both then would have went up until he could clear or if not both gotten back on the boat. At this time the instructor COULD have chosen to come see what the issue was if you were part of his class. If not he is under no obligation to check on you and leave his students.

Hey Jim
Thanx so much for feeback...to answer:
Did your instructor inform you that dive planning begins when you decide to actually go diving? No.
Not on the boat, not on the way to the boat. But when you signed up for those dives you both should have started the process. No. My buddy booked the dives. I didn't know it had even been done until it was paid for.

He being the more experienced diver should have started going over the "what if" scenarios. Do you mean the buddy or the instructor?? Neither my buddy or the instructor went over anything with me...either after booking the dives, during my certification, prior to getting on the boat, or being on the boat. There was a briefing on the boat but it didn't specifically cover what to do if your buddy wants/needs to abort the dive.

Hmm.

Does that shed any light?
EllieMay

 

[EllieMay]

I was on the transom getting my nerve up (had all my gear/reg/etc. in place) when from behind me where I couldn't see it coming, the DM pushed me in, saying something like "It's easier if you just go on." (Well yes, maybe, but not if you are pushed in by surprise.) I was immediately sort of angry/freaked out by that. And then while on the surface I felt that "I can't get a breath but if I just ripped all this gear off I bet I would feel free and be breathing easy" feeling. Nasty.

Hey Blue Sparkle - oh my god, what a shocker. I'm sorry you went thru that. Did you talk to the DM about it afterward?? If so how did it finish up? Thanks for sharing your story. For me, verbally hashing it out with my dive buddy on the boat in front of all the other divers felt public & intimidating & so I didn't say a word. I was overwhelmed enough with getting thru my first dive let alone confronting him about his actions. I wanted to say something, but no words would come. I swallowed them down & resolved never, ever to dive with that person again.