Challenging Poor Buddy Skills -

[LarsB]

I think a pre-dive briefing/post-dive debriefing is an EXCELLENT idea! Dive agencies tell you to plan-your-dive/dive-your-plan, but don't really encourage anything more than that. Besides the obvious benefits, it would be a easy place to talk about buddy behavior without being confrontational. You could tell them you lost contact with them without pointing the finger. You could also see how they respond to feedback. This could simply be a "I need your undivided attention" for a couple of minutes before/after dives. There's a lot of good information you could get in a debriefing. I wish dive agencies would push this more.

I actually did "debrief" her, in a friendly way, and told her I never knew where and who she was among the crowd, and that this was precisely the reason why I had asked her to carry a marker light, during briefing, which she had refused.
Her reaction during the debriefing was something like, "Oh sorry, I didn't know".

I don't wait for the dive operator to encourage an individual briefing or debriefing, but will do it anyway if possible, even a very brief one some might not even count as briefing/debriefing.
But it is true many operators do not encourage it, or make it even difficult due to the way they handle things, e.g. when there is no time given between THEIR briefing, the order "everybody get ready" and the "dive dive dive", e.g. in a drift dive.
This simply doesn't give you a moment of calm with your buddy to agree on any additional arrangements/plans.

 

[fjpatrum]

This thread comes as a spin off from a long discussion elsewhere, and I think merits discussion it its own right -

The scenario involved a very experienced and competent diver (an instructor) who showed a tendency to 'wander off' and do their own thing during a dive and not maintain good buddy skills. In real life the scenario had a tragic ending.

Has this happened to you, what did you do, with hindsight what would you do different?

So basically three questions

1/ - "How do I confront an 'experienced' buddy about their behaviour"
2/ - "What can I do if the experienced diver is not open to feedback"
3/ - "How do I, as an experienced diver, remain open to feedback from my buddies"

Phil

1) As a newb this one is easy for me. "I'm not quite comfortable with that and may need a little more hand holding." If I were more experienced, I'd probably still say it in a similar manner. You can always couch it as "today I'm not quite..."
2) "Seriously, dude(tte) thanks for diving with me but it's time we part ways."
3) Pay attention to what they say before a dive and their behavior during a dive. Listen to what they say post dive and their behavior. Spoken as someone who is not an experienced diver but tries to be open to conversation about safety issues in any activity. Like it or not, this is a dangerous sport and people die doing it. Keeping that in mind makes it a lot easier to drop the defenses a little bit after a good dive that could have been less good if things had only gone slightly differently.

 

[Peter Southwood]

I think this whole 3 questions and this scenario are over thinking the situation.

If a buddy takes off, you follow them until you feel you're being put in danger, then you abandon them.

If you get a chance to see them again after the dive you confront them about their behavior. If they won't change it you don't dive with them again.

End of story, end of all the complicated what ifs and soul searching.It doesn't have to be any more complicated than that. If they take off you follow, you might not like, it they might be screwing up your dive, but that's tough, buddies stay together, if they break the rule that doesn't mean you do, you sacrafice your dive to stay with them. If staying with them turns dangerous to yourself, abandon them. All done. Confront them back on the boat and if they aren't going to change their stupid ways them them to F off and don't dive with em.

You dance with who you brought to the dance. You dance till the music stops. Then you can discuss how much they suck and you don't like em stepping on your toes, if they don't stop you don't dance with em again.

Spot on.
Cheers,
Peter