Divemaster touching me

[ShakaZulu]

That's pretty f'd up. That is truely at the top of A-hole posts.


What if this had happened to your wife/mother/daughter?

Geezuz, I was just kidding....hence the smiley face???? You guys are so uptight, go run around in the snow and cool down a bit.

All she had to do, was to open her mouth and tell him his advances were not acceptable....what is the big deal? why not get a lawyer and sue him?

....
Now, you had a bad experience, and you handled it badly. I hope that it has not turned you off of diving or travel, but that it will help you handle yourself and others in the future. I hope this makes you stronger. Good luck.

 

[h2odragon1]

This is a pure case of sexual harassment. He should have signed your logbook, and it should have his instructors #. Write a letter of complaint to PADI, or whatever agency he has his license with, complain to them, get his instructors license taken away! There is someone out there who will think his advances are enticing and she could end up in worse shape than you when he is done. Flirting is NOTpart of the job.
GET HIM.

 

[sibermike7]

I have been trained in sexual harassment and sexual abuse numerous times. The DM was abusing his position and touching me very inappropriately. Period. I am disappointed in my reaction at the time

Greetings waaterpal. How in the world did he get your gloves off?
Holy Toledo! I can hardly get mine off after the dive on shore! When you let him do that you gave him a BIG GREEN LIGHT!!! GO!
I honestly think that you are more upset with yourself for not slamming the guy than you are at the DM for coming on so strong. I deal almost every day with troubled marriages and communication is the biggest problem. If 2 people that speak the same language, love each other, and have the same culture can have difficulty communicating, how in the world do you think this macho DM read, "NO!!!" from you reactions?

It would have been really easy to stop him from his initial advances (like removing your gloves) and you should have done it if you found his actions inappropriate. He only continued because you let him (your own admission, not my opinion.)

I think that the best thing learned is that if you're a female that doesn't want to have to take forceful steps to ward off an unwanted advance, then as tiggr said, dive in a group or at least keep another pair of divers in close proximity and aware that you want them to "keep an eye on you."

 

[Arizona]

The DM's position was not one of authority over you.

I disagree as she was uncomfortable and with a more experienced diver in the lead position. He was the guide and on his own turf not her usual dive spots. Compound that with being underwater and the DM has the upper hand.

 

[trixiegirl1970]

it sounds a little out of hand here. I have felt the same - not quite sure if it was inappropriate or not or if I were over reacting - well, nothing happened above water - he didn't continue to pursue you. All the things you mention, save the hand on the face, could be attempts to make sure you are relaxed and comfortable. While sexual harrassment is defined as Unwelcome sexual advances, requests for sexual favors, and other verbal or physical conduct of a sexual nature constitute sexual harassment. You really don't see that. massaging of hand - relaxing behavior - mask to mask - did he blow a kiss? Did he grab an ass or breast?

Seriously- we aren't victims.

 

[ShakaZulu]

it sounds a little out of hand here. I have felt the same - not quite sure if it was inappropriate or not or if I were over reacting - well, nothing happened above water - he didn't continue to pursue you. All the things you mention, save the hand on the face, could be attempts to make sure you are relaxed and comfortable. While sexual harrassment is defined as Unwelcome sexual advances, requests for sexual favors, and other verbal or physical conduct of a sexual nature constitute sexual harassment. You really don't see that. massaging of hand - relaxing behavior - mask to mask - did he blow a kiss? Did he grab an ass or breast?

Seriously- we aren't victims.

Exactly, sometimes these things get blown out of proportion, maybe she needs more sexual harrasment training....different culture, maybe he was just a bit caring.

 

[sibermike7]

The DM's position was not one of authority over you. You were not in a course, and he had no power over you. you were the paying customer and he was the dive guide. You were the boss in this instance.

You have to be an independent, intelligent woman in all places. I have never had any problems that weren't easily handled by being very clear immediately. Firm and clear always works.

Now, you had a bad experience, and you handled it badly. I hope that it has not turned you off of diving or travel, but that it will help you handle yourself and others in the future. I hope this makes you stronger. Good luck.

Nice post Zen

 

[spoolin01]

... I didn't want to cause a problem and was in denial. Guys, you may think this ridiculous but I am sure that many women can relate to this conditioning.

I don't think it's ridiculous, subsequent regret for being 'polite' and not speaking up when you're uncomfortable with someone's actions happens often enough. Of all of those reading this, only you were there to have gotten all the 'signals'. You seem confident that this was an unprofessional overture, and your evaluation has to be respected. However since there apparently wasn't any follow-up, either the man got the message, or perhaps it wasn't a come-on at all. Could he have thought he was taking charge of the situation in order to re-assure a nervous female diver? On the face of it, I couldn't classify the method employed as clearly astonishing in all contexts. It seems he did shephard you quite closely for a long time, unless you think you continued to be, or appeared through his misreading of your signals to be, overtly apprehensive through the dives, that is hard to read from afar. His female colleague spoke in his defense, but again, only you were there to weigh her statements.

Even we neanderthals can relate to your experience. Diving should be a serene experience, sorry for this unpleasant one.

 

[ZenDiver.3D]

I disagree as she was uncomfortable and with a more experienced diver in the lead position. He was the guide and on his own turf not her usual dive spots. Compound that with being underwater and the DM has the upper hand.

She is a grown woman. She hired him. He was pushing for a tip, and let's be honest. It is quite common for older women to go to places in Mexico looking for some action. I am not saying all do or that she did, but he does have that reference. And he will get big tips if he shows them a "good" time and flirts and is attentive. Unfortunately, those women who do that, make it harder for those who just want to dive. Which is where the OP must be smart and assertive.
If you don't want to be touched and fondled, quit letting him go further and further....
For God's sakes, stand up for yourself.
And she has 50 dives. She should know how to dive by now.

 

[fairybasslet]

Question - women - has this ever happened to you?

Yes. But I never let it get further than I wanted it to.

Just how common is unsolicited physical contact from a DM?

In Latin countries, pretty common

Any advice as to how to handle this with the dive shop?

I, personally, would not involve the dive shop. If the guy is ruining my dive vacation, I tell him to leave me alone. If he doesn't take no for an answer, then I might complain to someone higher up, but I've never had to that. Most of the time this is harmless flirting.

The Dm is an experienced and long-time employee (and, as far as skills as a DM, he was excellent). I don't want someone to lose their job...but I feel molested.

I have to play devil's advocate here. Yes, the guy may have been out of line but you did nothing to let him know that his behavior was not appreciated. Simply pulling your hand away when he was holding it would have been enough. Especially if he went to grab it again and you shook your head "no."

NEXT TIME>> I will clobber anyone who tries this! I am 53yrs old, a strong professional woman and totally shut down in this.

So you would go from being shut down to physically assaulting someone? Those are two very extreme reactions. I think you should get more training, dive more with people you feel comfortable with, get some confidence, develop your skills and then you would not feel so vulnerable and dependent underwater. Of course, there are always SI's to deal with.