Funniest Diving quotes you have heard

[TONY CHANEY]

After several mistakes by the student after briefing and rebriefing the dive training plans again and again, the cave instructor asked, "Are you on drugs?"

Another cave student was staying with us while he was going thru his class. He had failed before and was trying it again. So conversation went like this:
Student: "the diver that they paired me up with was going too fast for me to keep up."
Us: "so what did you do?"
Student: "I kept going until I caught up with him."
Us: "So why did you fail your class?"
Student: "becuase I broke the rule of thirds."
Us: "and you don't see the problem with that."
Student: "I only broke it a little."
Instructor: "that's like being a little pregnant!"
Student...no other reply

OBTW...he failed again!

---------- Post added November 27th, 2012 at 05:31 PM ----------

For some divers on here, if I may quote myself, "You should have more dives than posts."

---------- Post added November 27th, 2012 at 05:32 PM ----------

really enjoying this thread

 

[TreyR]

After several mistakes by the student after briefing and rebriefing the dive training plans again and again, the cave instructor asked, "Are you on drugs?"

Another cave student was staying with us while he was going thru his class. He had failed before and was trying it again. So conversation went like this:
Student: "the diver that they paired me up with was going too fast for me to keep up."
Us: "so what did you do?"
Student: "I kept going until I caught up with him."
Us: "So why did you fail your class?"
Student: "becuase I broke the rule of thirds."
Us: "and you don't see the problem with that."
Student: "I only broke it a little."
Instructor: "that's like being a little pregnant!"
Student...no other reply

OBTW...he failed again!

---------- Post added November 27th, 2012 at 05:31 PM ----------

For some divers on here, if I may quote myself, "You should have more dives than posts."

---------- Post added November 27th, 2012 at 05:32 PM ----------

really enjoying this thread

Boy Mike was PO'd at that guy! I remember the look on his face as he sat there rocking.

 

[Mustard Dave]

Luckily we found out he came out of deco as he surfaced but we couldnt believe a AOW diver didn't know the reason behind deco or even what deco mode was on a computer! He had too sit out the final dive.

I was on a train a while back. I was sat at a table reading 'Deco for Divers' - an excellent book by TDI instructor Mark Powell. The lad sat opposite me asked what I was reading before telling me he was an 'advanced diver'. Fore those not familiar with BSAC, 'advanced diver' is one of their higher sports diving grades but I correctly guessed he meant PADI AOW.

As I explained what the book was about, he then asked me what decompression meant!

 

[vladimir]

For some divers on here, if I may quote myself, "You should have more dives than posts."

I guess that depends on how long it takes you to compose a post. Did you struggle a long time with that one?

 

[Ghanguss]

First open water dive of my OW course:

Student: What do we do if we see a shark?

Instructor: If we see a shark I will do this signal -
Left hand finger pointing up, right hand palm down fingers pointing down, touches LH finger to palm of RH

Me: Realising Ive never seen this hand signal before, get ready for some cool secret to avoiding shark attacks

Instructor: If you see this signal it means students, gather around your instructor

 

[debajo agua]

South-East FL Diver: "The viz is horrible, it's less than 30 feet out there."

 

[Absolutbill]

Boat captan- the little orange lift raft will float free if we sink, so if you see the dive master and I hanging on to it and no boat after you surface please enjoy your next dive on Pompanos newest wreck.


Sent from my IPad using Tapatalk

 

[g1138]

While demoing a giant stride entry off the 15ft high dive.

Me: Also for the guys, be sure to close your legs before impact.

One student amongst the laughter: "Why's that?"

Me: Well......ahh you'll figure it out.

 

[TONY CHANEY]

I guess that depends on how long it takes you to compose a post. Did you struggle a long time with that one?

Less time than it took for you figure out if you use the long hose or the short hose to hook up your pee valve or second stage!

 

[psiborg1812]

I was doing a student recruitment at my university's bookstore when a guy and his wife came by and revealed that they were divers. The guy claimed he was an instructor also, and we swapped some stories. This one was too much though:

Me: So was it you who got your wife hooked"
Him: Oh yeah, I took her on her first dive when she was about 7 months, you should have seen her trying to get into that wetsuit!
Me: ....she was pregnant....?
Him (laughing) Yeah, like a big balloon, I had to put two weight belts together to fit around her, she needed about 30 pounds to get under!
His wife: Yeah, you should have seen him yanking me down the line! (Laughing) I almost bounced back up a few times!
Me: Wait...really? Are ya'll messing with me?!
Them: (Bewildered looks) no...why?

GAAAH. It was one of those "I'm not sure if you are really this stupid or if i am having a stroke" moments.