How to piss off a Divemaster?

[TMHeimer]

If this scenario really is bothering you, the Vindicator valve knobs at ~$16 seem like a no-brainer. . .

Vindicator Handwheels for Scuba Valves - Dive Gear Express

Interesting device. But no, the scenario has never bothered me. In fact I can't think of a time a DM touched my valve. In just following what Mike said, I'm curious as to how a DM turns air off without the diver noticing.

 

[tep]

I'd like to summarize the last 12 pages, for anyone who has just arrived:

Sometimes, people are dicks.

Don't be a dick.

The thread can be locked now...

Yup, Wheaton's Law applies, and would have prevented most of the issues I've seen while reading this entire thread

 

[Skittl1321]

Boat policy is what it is -- if they insist on physically touching my valves after I explain that I'm prone to tearing the arms off people who touch my gear and endanger me by potentially turning off my air, then I'm stuck doing as you suggest. Strangely enough, though, once warned about my quirks everyone I've met has found some other way of verifying my gas was, in fact, on before I splashed off their boat.

Funny ole policy, innit?

Maybe you shouldn't dive on boats that have a policy of checking valves? When you go to book your spot, ask if they do this- if they do, go somewhere else.

 

[gekodivebali]

Have other DMs do things I don't like underwater

 

[Eric Sedletzky]

Maybe you shouldn't dive on boats that have a policy of checking valves? When you go to book your spot, ask if they do this- if they do, go somewhere else.

I really don't see what the big crisis is if a DM on a boat checks the tank right before I jump off. It's their job and it's automatic. I see them doing it to every diver before me so it's not a surprise. I'm sure they know which way to turn the knob.
A DM that doesn't know which way to turn a valve? Oh, come on!
Absolutely rediculous.

 

[bowlofpetunias]

If you know your tank is open, no dive master or boat crew is going to turn it off without you know it right? So what's all the bitch'n about?

Opening or closing a tank isn't digital, the crew or DM isn't going to quickly push a button on your tank as you walk by without you knowing it, he's going to be turning your tank valve for quite enough time for you to realize he's closing an already open tank. There should be no surprise to what is happening or danger to it since you know it's happening.

I "caught" the DM reaching for my valve and told him... Leave it .. it is already on. While he kindly steadied me while I got my fins on he decided to ""check anyway. He turned it all the way off and back a quarter. Breathed fine the "test" breath I took on the boat. Didn't breathe so well once we started getting deeper! I can tell you I was not impressed and the next one can watch me turn it on but take back a bleeding stump if I can't them messing with it!

I think most DB's are long suffering and if you make it clear you are really willing and prefer to set up your own gear they respect it!

Back to the regularly scheduled topic.. what Pisses off DM's????

 

[Belmont]

I am a Divemaster and I have plenty of stories about clientele, but that is between them and me. However, I have witnessed an insidious aspect repeat itself for Divemasters on vacation trips I have been part of.

I submit: "The Unrepentant Complainer"

This is the person, that no matter what, nothing is good enough.

In fact, the complainer is so disappointed that they spend endless time telling everyone, searching for nonexistent commiseration.

The person will dwell on any issue and drag down anyone who will listen. This can begin to create a sour mood for a few people in a large group.

Drag the unrepentant complainer scenario out for an entire week of diving and it becomes embarrassing. Multiple divers even attempt to elevate the mood of the complainer to no avail.

(bear in mind the following examples are in a third world country)

A minor delay of 45 minutes due to an engine problem is fuel for days of acidic complaining.

Apparently it is a crime that the dive facility does not open up at the crack of dawn, 9 AM is ridiculously late for The Unrepentant Complainer while on a tropical vacation.

The complainer chose to dive Nitrox, but did not bring an analyzer. So, having to wait for the available analyzers to make their way to him/her is apparently insanely unprofessional.

All of the above is the absolute fault of the DM's according to the complainer and he/she will even petition other guest to withhold all tips at the end of a week long dive trip.

Its amazing how everyone else loved the trip.

I entertained secret thoughts involving a cattle prod and blasting "The Unrepentant Complainer" off the dive boat.

I have seen this type of mentality manifest itself in larger groups of 70 people or so over the course of a week. Its insidious nature is found in one or two people in a group of that size.

In my previous line of work I would refer to that type of customer as the person who complained about and spit out his mother's milk.

 

[akdeepdiver]

How to piss me off? If i'm on my own recreational diving and you know i'm a DM, don't assume that I will work for you pro bono and use me to babysit your clients. That's what you have a DM for, or at least pay me. Long ago, I stopped using my DM card when signing up for dives because of more than once being paired up with a brand new diver because the shop didn't have enough employees to watch everyone. My favorite was being on one boat where the captain decided in the boat briefing to point out all of the DM's on board (even though I did not work for them and was there as a client) and stated that we were there to help out the passengers in any way they needed. Then I spent the rest of the charter getting the stink eye from the captain when I told some other divers that no, even though I was a divemaster, I would not change out their tanks and equipment for them. I told them that I would happily assist them, if they needed help, but it was not my job to be their boat butler (and yes, I was polite about it and not rude). At the end of the charter, the captain pulled me aside to complain that I was not helpful to his customers enough, and I told him that I would not be on his boat anymore and to pound sand.

 

[maniago]

How to piss me off? If i'm on my own recreational diving and you know i'm a DM, don't assume that I will work for you pro bono and use me to babysit your clients. That's what you have a DM for, or at least pay me. Long ago, I stopped using my DM card when signing up for dives because of more than once being paired up with a brand new diver because the shop didn't have enough employees to watch everyone. My favorite was being on one boat where the captain decided in the boat briefing to point out all of the DM's on board (even though I did not work for them and was there as a client) and stated that we were there to help out the passengers in any way they needed. Then I spent the rest of the charter getting the stink eye from the captain when I told some other divers that no, even though I was a divemaster, I would not change out their tanks and equipment for them. I told them that I would happily assist them, if they needed help, but it was not my job to be their boat butler (and yes, I was polite about it and not rude). At the end of the charter, the captain pulled me aside to complain that I was not helpful to his customers enough, and I told him that I would not be on his boat anymore and to pound sand.

We have a lot of these kinds of people where I live. They believe that you only are breaking the law if you get caught. Otherwise its everyman for himself. They have no problem putting upon you, but get all kinds of attitude when you push them back. Manners, they have not. Rude, they have in spades.

 

[SeaHawk12]

I'm am an easy going guy, and unless what you are doing will directly result in death or injury to you or another diver, it's rather difficult to piss me off. However, there are certain things which will internally annoy me, but not necessarily make me treat you like a problem child.

-100 dive divers. These folks annoy me to know end because they've usually done enough dives to be decent divers, but suddenly seem to decided they have mastered all there is to learn. They always know everything about anything in diving, and are dead sure what they learned at location A applies completely and utterly to location B. After all, how can my diving be anything but perfect after 100 dives?

-The traveled vacation diver. This is a personal pet peeve that carries over from non-diving into my diving life. What annoys me about these people is they do 2-5 dives in a location, and therefore are suddenly imparted with intricate knowledge of the diving in that entire region/ country. Additionally, this dive trip will never be as good as that one they did in location X...or Y....or Z.

-"Trust me, I'm a [insert professional rating here]" Simply put, no. I've meet plenty of incompetent DMs and instructors to know that a piece of plastic is just that.

-Scientific divers. These are a special case of the above. I know what it entails to be one, and I know the well trained ones are excellent divers. However, just because you're a pro with a measuring tap doesn't mean you can just disregard any and all safety information I may provide you. Please done just swim into the blue after we've repeatedly emphasized that this is NOT to be done.

-Finally, the most amusing and frustrating one, the underwater stoner. This is the diver that literally sits on the bottom and contemplates their breathing. This is fine if you are diving with a buddy on your own, but if you're in a course I'd like you to actually swim to where I indicate as opposed to giving me a lazy ok followed by nothing. It's always awkward when the instructor and I need to physically pick you up and move you to the platform.

Edit: wording for clarity