HUMOR: How do these people survive?

[TexasMike]

(This bit of humor was sent to me via email, and I thought I would share it with you. I did not create this and the name of the original author was not included in the original email. I hope you enjoy it! --TM)

Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half-dozen nuggets.

"We don't have half-dozen nuggets.", said the teenager at the counter.

"You don't?" I replied.

"We only have six, nine, or twelve.", was the reply.

"So I can't order a half-dozen nuggets, but I can order six?"

"That's right."

So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets.

The paragraph above doesn't amaze me because of what happened a couple of months ago. I was checking out at the local Foodland with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those Dividers that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed. After the girl had scanned all of my items she picked up the Divider looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it. Not finding the bar code she asked me, "Do you know how much this is?" and I said to her, "I've changed my mind, I don't think I'll buy that today." She said OK and I paid her for the things and left. She had no clue to what had just happened.

MAKES YOU WONDER HOW THESE PEOPLE CAN SURVIVE!!!

A lady at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly. When inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM thingy.

%%%%%%

I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. "Do you need some help?", I asked.

She replied, "I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door UN-locker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenient store) would have a battery to fit this?"

"Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm too?", I asked.

"No, just this remote thingy" , she answered, handing it and the car keys to me.

As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, "Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk."

%%%%%%%

Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, "I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?"

"Just use copier machine paper", the secretary told her.

With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five blank copies.

%%%%%%%

I was in a car dealership a while ago, when a large motor home was towed into the garage. The front of the vehicle was in dire need of repair and the whole thing generally looked like an extra in "Twister". I asked the manager what had happened. He told me that the driver had set the cruise control and then went in the back to make a sandwich.

%%%%%%%

Sign in a gas station: Coke -- 49 cents. Two for a dollar.

%%%%%%%

Police in Radnor, Pennsylvania, interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine.

The message - He's lying - was placed in the copier, and police pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth.

Believing the lie detector was working, the suspect confessed.

 

[carlislere]

Some of these folks qualify for Darwin awards!

 

[earlj]

Unfortunately, they don't qualify as they have not yet left the gene pool. What's that word that comes after Common ?????

 

[The Chairman]

Some of those are urban legends... I know the one about the car remote has been recycled many times.


Of course this reminds me of a former colleague of mine who called my extension to ask how she should price a tire.
"Take the EDL (Everyday Low Price)...
"Yes..."
"And double it."
"OK..."
"Now, you can give them a fifty percent discount off of that!"
"Cool, I always wondered how you did that so fast... thanks!"

The following day I was verbally and physically accosted for making fun of her. From what I gathered though, the customer left just knowing they had gotten a 50% discount out of her.

On my way to a Boy Scout campout with my son, I got an urgent call from a laywer whose PC has developed a new virus. It was after four, but waiting till Monday was not an option. So I headed downtown in my Scout Uniform to deal with this "catastrophe". I walked into hi office and the screen was maximizing and minimizing quite rapidly. As I sat down to type, I saw that the retractable keyboard carry had trapped one of the F-keys under a small screw. I moved the keyboard a 1/2" and the "virus" disappeared. The anal lawyer walked in and was astonished at the speed with which I had rectified the problem. When he ask what it was, I told him with the straightest of faces that it was an ID-TEN-T virus, and that there were a lot of them in this building (A huge high rise with zillions of law offices). Of course that’s how we pronounce it... its actually written ID10T. Yes, I charged him for an off hours service call.

 

[MnLakeDiver]

Pete,

we see alot of the PEBKAC virus.

Problem
Exists
Between
Keyboard
And
Chair

 

[carlislere]

I fixed three of those this morning. Two from the same space.

 

[Rooster1]

Like I say with some people "The lights are on, but nobody's home".
My personal peave is when you ask an a or b question such as....
do you want red or blue? and they reply yes.
Go figure.:bonk:

 

[TexasMike]

Two of my pet peeve customer questions at my auto recycling yard are (we take dead cars and resell the good parts):

(after I have given them all the information to make a buying decision) "Is it okay if I call you back?" (What am I going to say...."No." ???)

and

"Do you sell auto parts?"


I have even had someone call and ask if I had parts for her red car. Being a smarty, I answered, "No, we are only selling parts for blue cars today."

To which she replied, "Oh. Sorry to have bothered you." --click--


Another time, someone called and said that they needed one of those things that went round and round on their car. Having no clue as to what they really wanted or what car it was for, I answered, "Sure! I have one of those for you, and I'll give you a good price at $35!"

Customer shows up and wants a fan blade that I usually sell for $10.


And I can't tell you how many times a customer will walk up to the counter as I am having a phone conversation via my headset and think I'm talking to them.


Finally, there was the 75 year old grandma that stood just inside of the door and got my attention by saying, "Young man! Can you come out side so I can show you my car? I need something to cover my nuts." (what she wanted was a hubcap)

 

[SunshineFish]

Stupid People

Stupid people should have to wear signs that just say, "I'm Stupid". That way you wouldn't rely on them, would you? You wouldn't ask them anything. It would be like, "Excuse me...oops, never mind. I didn't see your sign."

It's like before my wife and I moved. Our house was full of boxes and there was a removalist truck in our driveway. My friend comes over and says,"Hey, you moving?" "Nope. We just pack our stuff up once or twice a week to see how many boxes it takes. Here's your sign."

A couple of months ago I went fishing with a mate of mine, we pulled his boat into the dock, I lifted up this big bunch of flathead and this idiot on the dock goes, "Hey, did you catch all them fish?" "Nope - Talked 'em into giving up. Here's your sign."

I was watching one of those animal shows on the Discovery Channel. There was a guy inventing a shark bite suit. And there's only one way to test it. "Alright Jimmy, you got that shark suit on, it looks good... They want you to jump into this pool of sharks, and you tell us if it hurts when they bite you." "Well, all right, but hold my sign. I don't wanna lose it"

Last time I had a flat tire, I pulled my car into one of those
side-of-the-road petrol stations. The attendant walks out, looks at my car, looks at me, and I SWEAR he said, "Tire go flat?" I couldn't resist. I said, "Nope. I was driving around and those other three just swelled right up on me. Here's your sign."

We were trying to sell our car about a year ago. A guy came over to the house and drove the car around for about 45 minutes. We get back to the house, he gets out of the car, reaches down and grabs the exhaust pipe, then goes, "**** that's hot!" See? If he'd been wearing his sign I could have stopped him.

I learned to drive a semi trailer in my days of adventure. Wouldn't ya know I misjudged the height of a bridge. The truck got stuck and I couldn't get it out no matter how I tried. I radioed in for help and eventually a local policeman shows up to take the report. He went through his basic questioning..ok..no problem. I thought sure he was clear of needing a sign....until he asked..... "So..is your truck stuck?" I couldn't help myself! I looked at him, looked back at the rig,and then back to him and said "no, I'm delivering a bridge... here's your sign."

 

[budgy]

Hi Tex,
Great jokes, and sunshine look behind you and you can see there is a bit of me and you there to.