I was just involved in a fatal snorkeling accident.

[Schwob]

It took me 2 months and a friend encouraging me to get back in the water
I had my wetsuit hanging in the back porch and it took me over a month to put it away
The feel and smell of neoprene I couldn't do it

I get it. I do.
I had a situation, driving, not diving related, being first at a bad scene, tryi g to save what could be... that gave me an awful lot to think about in terms of live and death for a looong time... probably a live time...
So, however many baby steps it took you to get to the point to put that wetsuit back on, that first time you did put it on might have been quite a stride... I think...
...
but above I was just making a silly pun --- maybe insppropriately, maybe OK so in the sense of lightening this a bit --- about those giant strides we divers do do at times to get in the water...

 

[Littlerayray]

I get it. I do.
I had a situation, driving, not diving related, being first at a bad scene, tryi g to save what could be... that gave me an awful lot to think about in terms of live and death for a looong time... probably a live time...
So, however many baby steps it took you to get to the point to put that wetsuit back on, that first time you did put it on might have been quite a stride... I think...
...
but above I was just making a silly pun --- maybe insppropriately, maybe OK so in the sense of lightening this a bit --- about those giant strides we divers do do at times to get in the water...

No I got your pun and laughter does help
I've reached out to @Aloha Joe
With no response i pray he is doing well
Giant strides is funny thanks for the humour
I'm just letting the man know what I went through and how I worked through it and still am
It's a big hill to climb

 

[Aloha Joe]

I appreciated the ‘giant stride’ comment, although it took longer for me to get than I care to admit!

I believe I’ll be ready to giant stride my neoprene covered butt back in the ocean by Sunday. I was just messing around with weight checks in the pool

 

[Seaweed Doc]

On counseling, and FWIW, I'll relate this story. I had to shelter in place once during an active shooter situation at work (1 fatality, 2 wounded before a hero took out the shooter with a tackle and pepper spray), in a building where I formerly had my office. (Coincidentally, I was near the dive locker when I was told to shelter, so that's where I went. Whoever came through that door was going to be met with some 11.5 pound molded lead dive weights, followed by a steel 120 cylinder.....)

Although I was far enough away to never be in any danger, I took advantage of a free group counseling session offered at work. It helped me understand that some of my thoughts in the days that followed (e.g., looking for escape routes and heavy objects to hurl when in public spaces) was normal. It also helped me understand that nobody else who wasn't there will ever understand, put the people who were with you will get it. That helped when talking through what happened with my family later, knowing that no matter what words I used, they couldn't possibly get it. And that's OK.

Aloha Joe: Might be worth an hour of time just having somebody walk you through the kinds of reactions you might be having and why you're having them. I never prior or since have seen a therapist, but as an analytical kind of guy it helped me understand what was going on between my ears.

 

[joe10540]

While laughing may not always be appropriate due to timing it is definitely needed. People who have high stress jobs always seem to have dark humor, not because we find death or dismemberment funny but because more often than not if we weren’t laughing we’d be crying.

Like we say in the ER “Laughter is always the best medicine. . . Unless you have diarrhea!”

 

[Mat K]

Aloha Joe - I echoe the sentiments of those who have posted; well done for posting and reaching out for support. As a psychologist, I can say that all of the things you’re describing are absolutely normal. The flashbacks can be very distressing, but are normal. It’s your minds way of trying to process something so unusual and horrific. They are ‘normal’ and, in all likelihood, will diminish in their frequency and intensity. Reconnecting with your previous therapist is a good idea and will probably help the processing.

In the aftermath of something like this, it’s usual to start making decisions to make changes (more training etc). It’s a way of trying to ‘make up’ or compensate in some way. My advice is to take your time before commiting to anything just yet. As the weeks go by, things will seem calmer and you’ll probably make wiser choices.

 

[Aloha Joe]

Somehow it feels like this happened a long time ago. I’m feeling much better and am signed up for the manta night dive tonight and a 2 tank morning dive the following day. I spent the past 24 hours with friends and it seems like the more I talk about what happened, the more separation I feel from the event. And somehow my gut is keeping my brain from rehashing things and wondering what could have happened - like I’m protecting myself from an unhealthy trap.

 

[RayfromTX]

A well functioning human brain is a magical thing. You seem to have one on many levels. Talking about it here was one really good sign of that.

 

[Littlerayray]

The scene playing over and over especially when you close your eyes does stop
I went to my victims wake and funeral
His wife at the funeral saw me in line stopped the whole process of the wake and came running up to me gave me a big giant hug brought me up to personally meet her/his family I felt like an honored guest even at the funeral all his friends wanted to thank me
That was big for me when it came to closure

 

[Norwegian Cave Diver]

Oh man, feel sorry for you. But don't be hard on yourself. Long, long time ago, my best friend died in my arms while I tried to get him to the side of the pool when he was suddenly too ill to swim.
Once laying on the white tiles, people from the fire department (who were training there at the same time), tried to revive him. With no succes. It all took less then a couple of minutes for him to pass away. They did cpr for more than 30 minutes though.

As it was my best friend, I was well informed afterwards about the cause. An underlaying, non-visible medical condition was to blame. Me nor anybody else could have helped him, otherwise than being his friend or help at the very last moment.

You will probably never know what caused this lady to die, and that's a pitty. But often in such cases, nothing can be done. People just die, and when it happens at old age, snorkeling in Hawai, they can be considered lucky in some way. I hope it will happen to me when my time has come, but I hope it won't ruin the vacation of the young lad who tried to help me.
I'm sure the lady would whish you the same thing: have a nice vacation young boy, and thanks for trying to help me.

Great answer!!