ScubaDoo67
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Greetings, all. I'm not really sure where to start. I've been diving for 9 years, and have achieved certification through PADI Rescue Diver as well as several specialty certifications. I consider myself a competent diver.
I also happen to suffer from mental illness, specifically bipolar disorder and PTSD. While the diagnosis for BD and PTSD occurred after my initial certification, I have suffered from both disorders for decades.
In the past, I have not had issues with my illnesses - since my diagnosis, I have become quite aware of when I am symptomatic and know not to dive when my mental state is compromised. I find diving to be therapeutic, the tranquility of the underwater environment is quite soothing, and the training gives me something positive to focus my energy on.
While my PTSD does have mild dissociative features, I have very well-understood triggers, none of which could be encountered during diving. My bipolar disorder is fairly mild and is controlled with medication and therapy. I have been medically cleared to dive by both my physician and my mental health provider within the last month.
Last week, I had an event that has created a lot of self-doubt. I was on a dive vacation - I spent the first day shore diving (which was great), and the second day on a dive charter (which was also great). On the third day, I went on another charter (same operator and crew as the previous day) and had some issues. I was buddied with an insta-buddy, someone I was not very comfortable with - he spoke English poorly, was a recent OW certified diver, and admitted that his skills were not very good. He actually wanted to dive solo. I had a choice to buddy with him, or to not dive. I chose to dive.
Although we were diving off a boat, the site had a short surface swim against the current to reach the buoy and descent line. Ordinarily, such a swim would not pose any challenge, but when I reached the buoy, I found myself out of breath and under a fair amount of anxiety. At that point, I terminated my dive. Insta-buddy continued on without me (I did not think this was a good idea, but the operator allowed it, and it was not my place to stop him, of course).
Since that anxiety attack, I've had a lot of self-doubt. I ask myself whether it's safe for me to continue diving, whether there is a heightened risk for anxiety interfering with my ability to dive safely, and whether I am putting those I dive with at risk. I'm well aware that anyone can experience anxiety during a dive, even with hundreds or thousands of logged dives. However, I think that my condition demands a higher level of vigilance.
Am I making something out of nothing? Should I be as concerned as I am?
I also happen to suffer from mental illness, specifically bipolar disorder and PTSD. While the diagnosis for BD and PTSD occurred after my initial certification, I have suffered from both disorders for decades.
In the past, I have not had issues with my illnesses - since my diagnosis, I have become quite aware of when I am symptomatic and know not to dive when my mental state is compromised. I find diving to be therapeutic, the tranquility of the underwater environment is quite soothing, and the training gives me something positive to focus my energy on.
While my PTSD does have mild dissociative features, I have very well-understood triggers, none of which could be encountered during diving. My bipolar disorder is fairly mild and is controlled with medication and therapy. I have been medically cleared to dive by both my physician and my mental health provider within the last month.
Last week, I had an event that has created a lot of self-doubt. I was on a dive vacation - I spent the first day shore diving (which was great), and the second day on a dive charter (which was also great). On the third day, I went on another charter (same operator and crew as the previous day) and had some issues. I was buddied with an insta-buddy, someone I was not very comfortable with - he spoke English poorly, was a recent OW certified diver, and admitted that his skills were not very good. He actually wanted to dive solo. I had a choice to buddy with him, or to not dive. I chose to dive.
Although we were diving off a boat, the site had a short surface swim against the current to reach the buoy and descent line. Ordinarily, such a swim would not pose any challenge, but when I reached the buoy, I found myself out of breath and under a fair amount of anxiety. At that point, I terminated my dive. Insta-buddy continued on without me (I did not think this was a good idea, but the operator allowed it, and it was not my place to stop him, of course).
Since that anxiety attack, I've had a lot of self-doubt. I ask myself whether it's safe for me to continue diving, whether there is a heightened risk for anxiety interfering with my ability to dive safely, and whether I am putting those I dive with at risk. I'm well aware that anyone can experience anxiety during a dive, even with hundreds or thousands of logged dives. However, I think that my condition demands a higher level of vigilance.
Am I making something out of nothing? Should I be as concerned as I am?