"My wife won't let me ..."

[offfi]

I came to SB, read 12 pages of a silly gender / relationship topic and suddenly I want to become a pilot (okay, I thought about it before).
As if SCUBA wasn't expensive enough.
Great. Thank you!

Wow. Lots of interesting comments. My husband & I had been married 10 yrs with 3 preschoolers when he said to me one day, "I'm thinking of learning to fly & making a kit plane". I remember thinking, "Wow! Where did this come from?", (although the fact that when I met him, he was jumping off cliffs with a hang glider maybe should have tipped me off that something like this might come up someday). We discussed fatalities in small, private aircraft & all the ramifications for our family. My only stipulation was that he pick up an insurance plan that would include coverage should he be killed while flying, thereby immediately making me a widow with 3 children. He began building a kit plane in our garage, & as I observed the fiberglass construction, (lol) added another stipulation - that neither the kiddos nor I would be flying in THAT particular plane, but HE was free to do so whenever he wanted - if he dared. (We also would need to increase our insurance coverage, as the likelihood of me becoming a widow had just increased). Then I suggested that he look into buying a REAL plane (with rivets) & we would all happily fly with him. He then admitted to me that he had also begun to wonder just how safe that kit plane would be upon completion. He sold the kit "as is" and we purchased a small (real) plane that would accommodate our young family (shuffling $$ in our budget, making do with less in other areas). Flying became our family "thing" & he increased his pilot training & flight time experience. Fast forward 15 yrs and one day I mention to him out of the blue, "I would like to get scuba certified - Would you like to be certified too - then we could fly places & go diving when we get there?" (The flying was the lure). He could see the possibilities & so rather promptly agreed. (I actually first suggested that we either try scuba OR take extended "couple" dance lessons - because I'm not stupid). Ten yrs later the kids are mostly gone. As a family, we have had some amazing adventures together, pretty much ever since we got rid of the "kit plane" in the garage. And the last 10 yrs, flying & diving together has been fantastic. My husband would like me to get better trained as his co-pilot/navigator, so I guess that is the next step in our journey. It has definitely been win-win so far.
I like to think I maybe prevented him from killing himself in the early days (encouraging him to consider buying a plane rather than build one) without limiting his desire for adventure. . And I am truly thankful we shared our private dreams, discussed, compromised, & shuffled the budget to make it all work. (My husband's best friend got his pilot license just before he did. His wife would not fly with him, nor allow their small kids to fly. I watched the husband's dream fizzle & always thought it was a shame. She could not get passed her own neurotic fear of flying. I am afraid of heights myself, & sometimes experience more than a fair amount of trepidation during unusual turbulence, but have decided that we will do what we can to make it as safe as possible & then after that, well sometimes s**t happens - even crossing the road in front of the house. . . I think perhaps some spouses are unable to deal with that lack of control of the situation).
Somewhat recently, my husband suggested we think about flying over open water (a big deal in our 1952 Bonanza v-tail) to Cayman Brac for a diving trip (my lure). So we again talked about the risks, gave it the go-ahead & 3 yrs ago took the leap. It was a looong haul, but again a very big win-win. We have returned twice since then. My husband sometimes goes out west "skiing with the guys" or I do something with my sisters, but our most memorable trips (at least mine) are the ones we do together.
Piloting a small air craft is considered a fairly high risk & a somewhat costly sport/hobby, very similar to diving.
So "My wife won't let me" - is possibly truth (really too bad); also a possible excuse (and ok, I get that). Cheers!
(A rather long response. Sorry. But one of the few woman's perspectives posted).

 

[Flutter]

@Francesea , I actually thought for a moment that my husband just might pick the dancing lessons (because it would have been soooo much cheaper, & easier to "check off the DONE list". Plus, he's not as avid about the water as I am) but I got lucky - in more ways than one. Now, as you've said, the dance lessons would come in handy.

@offfi , too true. Ha!! You should see what we do Without! to keep the scuba & flying both current. We definitely "Make Do" in all other areas not diving or flying related.

And as an aside - my husband's best friend from HS (who's wife couldn't handle him flying) was the guy my husband was jumping off cliffs with, when we were first dating. They asked me if I wanted to jump too, but I passed. Watching was sufficient. Someone might have to call the EMTs.

 

[Trace Malinowski]

Even the most macho diver ever used his wife as an excuse:

"Sometimes being Mike proved a burden. Dorothy Bridges, Lloyd's wife for more than 50 years, said, 'The first time we went to Hawaii was at the height of Sea Hunt. In our hotel, there was a message from the admiral of the 7th fleet addressed to Mr. and Mrs. Mike Nelson: If we wanted a tour of Pearl Harbor, the admiral's yacht was at our disposal. Commander Nielsen was in charge of UDT there and he said, 'We're thinking of buying new regulators and would like you to look them over.' Lloyd said, 'Commander, you're pulling my leg.' Commander Nielsen turned to the other officers and said, 'See, I told you Mr. Nelson would be a modest man.' He was serious. It was like he refused to believe there's no Santa Claus. They later asked Lloyd to join in a demonstration of a 100 foot free ascent and I told them I never let him swim after lunch.'"

Lloyd Bridges in his own words

 

[Storker]

My wife and I have told our children that if there's something they don't want to take part in, but can't think up a good excuse not to do, they're free to use their uncool parents as an excuse. They've taken us up on the offer a few times.

And I like to joke that if I go and get myself killed doing something stupid, my wife would be thoroughly pissed off at me. I don't want her to be pissed off at me, so I try not to do stupid things that might kill me

 

[Flutter]

@Storker , the better trained, experienced, & competent my husband is in any area & the less wildly crazy I believe his actions will be; the more likely I am going to say with no apprehension "have a great time; Enjoy!" so - agreed.

 

[Saniflush]

My wife and I have told our children that if there's something they don't want to take part in, but can't think up a good excuse not to do, they're free to use their uncool parents as an excuse. They've taken us up on the offer a few times.

Love, love, love this.

Am going to try to remember to instill this in my 9 and 7 year old when needed.