Not sure about trusting my buddy...

[RU4SKUBA]

He should be thrilled that you enjoy diving, period!

My girl will never dive, but I would do anything in my power to motivate her if I thought it would help her enjoy scuba. Shame on him...

 

[Teamcasa]

...The DM's we have gone with have always done a good job in going over basic points such as being a good buddy, the problem is more with him in thinking he already is and doesn't have to listen to it.

typically all I get is "yes, dear, it's all fine".

As for diving the plan...we always make one, and once he is below the water, that seems to go out the window...

If your assessment is that he's not a good listener, or he just doesn't take you seriously, or he's simply incapable of retaining a disciplined mindset underwater, then you need a new buddy. Maybe you need a new BF, too, but I'm not going there based on the info here.

One more option, try this. This is a picture of my lovely bride and I. Sometimes, It just makes her feel better knowing I'm not going to let her go. :blinking:

 

[BabyDuck]

^that's a good idea to try.

because i wouldn't dive with him again with this attitude. sit him down a bit before the next dive (like, not on the boat) and tell him, 'if your attitude to being a dive buddy isn't very different in these specific ways 1, 2, 3, on this next dive, i will not dive with you again. this is your last warning.'

you wouldn't take it from a non-loved one buddy & it's not something you have to put up with. you can both dive with other people if he's a good guy above water, and both be happier. or if he's this dismissive on land, dump him & add 'respects me & my wishes' to your what-i-want-in-a-guy list.

 

[Jim Lapenta]

Plain and simple show him this post. The slowest diver sets the pace of every aspect of the dive. Period. End of discussion. If he still insists he is not in the wrong get rid of him. At some point someone will get hurt. Physically, mentally, or emotionally. Better to find someone who actually cares about you sooner rather than later. He obviously does not. He is also obviously not skilled enough to be diving without a pro watching over him no matter what he thinks. I would also say that he sounds like an egotistical dick but that would perhaps be assuming too much. But if the shoe fits....well.

 

[ligersandtions]

Oh wow, I feel for you! My husband and I got certified together and for the first probably 20 dives that we did together (with no one else around), all resulted in either the silent treatment or someone yelling at the other on the surface at the end. We dive very differently, enjoy different things.

After about 50 dives together, I started diving with other people. We probably didn't dive together for about 50 dives. Then we took Fundamentals together and it was like marriage counseling for divers. We still have our moments (like yesterday ), but things are much better for the most part.

If possible, I'd suggest meeting other divers and diving in groups or just diving with separate buddies for a while. I find that the kind of crap your significant other pulls with you are often things that he'd never do around other divers. Maybe it will work for you as well.

Best of luck resolving this situation. I know how disappointing and difficult it can be.

 

[Jim Lapenta]

Come on up for my advanced class. I can give you the name of a couple who said that the amount of communication I require underwater AND on the surface improved their relationship. They clearly saw what each others strengths and weaknesses were and learned that in reality they complimented each other. When combined they made one hell of a buddy pair. One that I'd trust my kids lives with.

 

[SailNaked]

I was a bad buddy, then my wife explained that I was her safety and it was my job to make her feel safe in the water so that she could continue to dive with me. well having her dive with me was the most important thing., so we are now always within a few feet of each other. even after a few hundred dives. you should never be farther apart that one person is comfortable swimming while out of air.(assuming a failure because it is unacceptable to be out of air because you did not look at your gauge).

 

[daniel1948]

Most of the posters above seem to think that your BF will improve with experience. I disagree. SKILLS improve with experience, but ATTITUDE is unlikely to change. A little of what you describe (such as beginning the ascent with too little gas) is a matter of skill, but much of what you describe (leaving you alone, refusing to do a safety stop, etc) is a matter of attitude.

Scuba diving is a relatively safe activity when all safety procedures are followed but the risks carry severe consequences: DCI, AGE, drowning, etc. Scuba is a buddy sport, not because it's fun to share the experience, but because you are dependent upon highly technical equipment, and your buddy is carrying your spare equipment.

My advice, since you've already communicated your concerns, and your BF has demonstrated that he does not take you seriously, is stop diving with him immediately. Or dive in a group where you'll always be near one or more other divers. And if he shows you as much disrespect above water as he apparently does below the water, he may be a poor choice as a BF, as well as a poor dive buddy.

As for him swimming on his back because he was out of gas, I use my snorkel once I'm on the surface. I don't know how common diving without a snorkel is, but I was taught to use one, and I've been places where they required that we wear them.

 

[redstilettos]

Thanks to all of you for taking the time out to assure me that my concerns are not merely because I am newer to the sport. I am going to show him this thread, and if he still wants to talk about diving, then this will give him a launching pad to start anew from.

Jim, You sound like the kind of guy I would love to learn my dive skills from. Such a shame we are so far apart. But I will admit to always wanting to visit your fine state. Perhaps a weekend class or something could be arranged!

 

[Teamcasa]

Thanks to all of you for taking the time out to assure me that my concerns are not merely because I am newer to the sport. I am going to show him this thread, and if he still wants to talk about diving, then this will give him a launching pad to start anew from....

Sounds like a good plan.

BTW, You can bring him out here to SoCal as well. We will whip him into shape PDQ.

Love your username!