Not sure about trusting my buddy...

[Bonairetrip]

I actually give the BF a pretty good shot at becoming a better diver and a better buddy.

What seems more likely:
a) The BF knows that many of his dive techniques are unsafe. He knows he creates huge amounts of stress with his GF. He knows that if she ever has an OOA, he will have no air for her. He thinks it is OK for him to be OOA. He thinks it is fine to put him and his GF in an unsafe position.
b) He thinks he is a pretty good diver. He has dove in many different locations and has never encountered what would consider a real problem. He has done enough dives that he considers himself to be at least an intermediate (if not advanced) diver. He thinks his buddy is a bit of a nervous nellie but he is working hard to make her more comfortable in the water by stretching her comfort zone a bit. Besides, his OOA was her fault because she insisted on the safety stop. And have you really even done a dive if your legs don't feel like you have been doing a mile swim in the pool?

I suspect the BF would say B is how he dives. In other words, I think the key is getting to the BF to recognize his diving is really closer to (a) than to (b).

One approach is to get him to dive with super solid divers. I would suggest a GUE fundies class as one way. Another way is to find a solid mentor.

 

[redstilettos]

Jim, I never travel without a pair of heels. So if wearing my 'norm' gets me half off a class....count me in!

FnFalMan: I am 43 and BF is 45. Am glad not to be in my 20's. What would I do with all that firm skin and ability to recover quickly from a hangover?!?!

Lee: Yes you are right. Lots of good advice from the folks, and I plan on showing him not only this thread but the accident forum as well. I never thought of looking there myself, so I look forward to learning from mistakes of others. Am a pre-planner by nature, so that will be useful!

Gene, I just finished reading your buddy diving link/post. It was very good! I plan on emailing that to him tonight. Hehehe. May be single by morning...but hey.

 

[fnfalman]

FnFalMan: I am 43 and BF is 45. Am glad not to be in my 20's.

That's even worst, actually. Old farts who really think that they know something.

The only thing I can say is to reiterate that this guy needs to get a true heart-to-heart talk from you AND from some experienced divers.

 

[ZenDiver.3D]

I doubt that would be the result of setting him up with a new buddy. Most of us don't bother telling someone that we think they're irresponsible and that they have to change before we'll dive with them again. We just don't make that second dive. Ever.

She's got a relationship with him so she can't just walk away, but other people can, and they will.

I would bet they'd say something before they walked away. And in my experience, quite often you can say something a hundred times, and it have no effect, but a stranger says it once, and they take it to heart.

In any case, even if his buddy didn't do anything but walk away, She would get the chance to dive with a different buddy, hopefully a responsible one, and finally get to enjoy her dive. This may help her to stand up for herself even more.

 

[weitodive]

By giving him an ultimatum, you're going going to automatically put him on a defensive. Maybe try telling him you would love to be able to see the same things as he sees. Eventhough you're not at fault, tell him "Honey, you know I'm not the strongest swimmer and it's hard for me to keep up with you but I still want to share the same experience with you." He might be more receptive if he's not pinned against a wall. That or put some sand in his boots when he's not looking and he'll get blisters. Then he will have to swim slow.

 

[oldogre]

After 1 dive like that, I would say "quietly". I value my own life far too much to risk another dive like that, so I will find another buddy. So far this has not happened to me in diving, but it has in climbing.

 

[Andyblue]

My advice would be to simply not dive with him. I did my dive course with my partner and her and I both love to dive. If I couldn't trust her then I simply would not dive with her. It seems as though this problem is getting in the way of you actually enjoying your diving. I would say nothing to him and find a new dive buddy. Refuse any future dives with him and soon he will relise that you started diving together because you wanted something that you could enjoy together, and he has stuffed that because he was a fool. Without you diving with him he will feel somewhat at a loss and miss you. He should see the error of his ways and apologise and be a better buddy after the lesson learned. That's just how I'd react anyway lol goodluck

 

[D_B]

Re - dive buddy thread
Might want to consider again, DB -- Man OR a woman that doesn't give a rat's patoodie about his or her partner's wishes isn't much of a BF or a GF!

No, I think those comments are off base
I want him to see the recomendations in the thread concerning his diving ..

Don't think the wake-up call will do any good?

It might not, but it may ... but it certainly wont if he only can see, or focus on, is the ditch the BF parts ... there is more at stake than just her safety .. he needs to see that he needs to change his behavior for his and other divers safety too

A conversation I had with someone ... bold added by me

 

[daniel1948]

A lot of folks here seem to think that the OP's BF just needs to hear the message that his practices are unsafe. Some have suggested that the OP is just "too close" to him, and a stranger or an experienced diver would get through to him.

I disagree.

She has told him he is diving in an unsafe manner. She has told him that she feels unsafe diving with him because she is really diving without him when he is supposedly her buddy. He has pooh-poohed her concerns, telling her that she'll get used to it.

The underlying problem here is that he does not respect her.

He is turning their dive into a solo dive for each of them, he is surfacing with so little air that merely making a safety stop leaves him without any air, which means that in an emergency he would have insufficient air, and then when she confronts him with all this, he makes light of her concerns, and says that she's the one being unreasonable, as if they were in a department store and he's gone off to look at the power tools while she was still looking at the washing machines, rather than deep under water, dependent for their lives on tanks of air strapped to their backs and complicated regulators.

At 45 years old, this guy should know better! He should understand the safety issues, and he should be considerate enough of his GF to want HER to have fun, which she cannot if she is scared of being by herself in an activity that she knows must be a buddy sport. He is a dangerous dive buddy and a disrespectful boyfriend. He needs a good solid dope slap, and if that does not bring him around (as it is unlikely to) then the OP needs to pack up her high heels and find a guy who is worthy of her.

Diving can be a relatively safe sport. But the way this guy is doing it, it is dangerous, and the next dive could be the one that puts one or both of them in the recompression chamber, or worse.

Just my opinion.

 

[ZenDiver.3D]

What he said.