Political Advertising in my signature

[Walter]

BTW, I will only accept the nomination as candidate if Charlize Theron will accept the nomination to be my running mate.

If you can prove you were born before 1788, you're eligible to run.

 

[fairybasslet]

Well, if the blonde could figure it out, surely this L'Oreal light reddish brown could.

 

[trigfunctions]

Quimby? Mayor Quimby supports revolving-door prisons. Mayor Quimby even released Sideshow Bob, a man twice convicted of attempted murder. Can you trust a man like Mayor Quimby?

Vote Sideshow Bob for Mayor!

Vote Quimby

 

[micklock]

Quimby? Mayor Quimby supports revolving-door prisons. Mayor Quimby even released Sideshow Bob, a man twice convicted of attempted murder. Can you trust a man like Mayor Quimby?


Vote Sideshow Bob for Mayor!

While Mayor Joe Quimby may not be the most moralistic man on the planet, at least he gives his constituents what they want. Release an attempted murderer? Sure. Outlaw sugar? No problem. Give us humor and outrageous behavior over genuine politics any day.

Full Name:
Joseph Fitzpatrick Fitzgerald Fitzhenry Quimby

Biography:
"Diamond" Joe Quimby, as he is known, was born February 9, 1950. He is a modern family man, sharing his life with a wife, at least two illegitimate children and a chowder-eating nephew named Freddy. Though he was called an "illiterate tax-cheating, wife-swapping, pot-smoking, spend-o-crat" by radio host Birch Barlow Quimby maintains that he is no longer illiterate.

Education:
Joe will ensure that no child graduates high school without such basic skills as knowing how to mix a dry martini or how to hide an unconscious showgirl in the maid's quarters.

Mistresses:
Quimby has probably seen more action at the office than JFK and Bill Clinton combined. He's been spotted at the Sleep Easy Motel seen on videotape in his own car heard singing at the Maison Derriere and caught in his own bed by his own wife.

Money:
Mayor Quimby may not be very trustworthy with tax dollars. He once said Springfield only had $2 million rather than the actual $3 million for a monorail. He admitted using the city treasury to fund the murders of his enemies. On two occasions he has taken bribes from Mr. Burns. And he takes kickbacks from Springfield's small businessman.

High Technology:
Al Gore may have invented the internet but "Diamond" Joe Quimby invented the Accu-Grip "personal comfort device" available through mail-order ads in the back of most major adult publications. Quimby is committed to high-technology investing $100 billion to build a satellite based defense system that can also descramble porn.

Gun Control:
Diamond Joe Quimby knows that guns don't kill people - the bullets do. That's why he would limit each American to 25 bullets a year. Under this plan, Joe predicts a 15% reduction in shootings, and a 25% increase in pistol whippings, which the Mayor has always considered the coolest-looking form of personal assault.

Health Care: If elected Joe's first major legislative goal will be to provide free penicillin shots to anyone suffering from venereal disease or as he calls it "The fire down below." As he stirringly declared in his campaign kick-off "With enough will, we can end crabs in our lifetime."

Vote Quimby! He'd Vote For You​

 

[Land Locked]

Don't think he stands a chance against Paulsen! Paulsen only supports guns for fishing!

THE BIGGEST LOSER - OR WAS HE?

Pat on his motivation…. “I’m often asked why I travel around the country talking politics. Is it for humanitarian reasons, community spirit, or is it for the money, the limosines or the girls? The answers are: no, no, yes yes yes!” 2-o1

I would do very well as President. I would not be meddling in the affairs of state. I’d be off golfing in Bermuda. The trouble with these guys that get in as President– they think they have to do something. A President is just a figurehead, someone t o go to funerals. Let the Vice President disappear. I’d do the funerals. I’m more suited to be President than those other guys because I’ve been through it. I know what it’s like– bankruptcy. I’m more of an American.
If elected, I will keep the “In God We Trust” sign on the dollar bill, but I would add a list of people’s names that I don’t trust, like certain congressmen and a few others.

 

[The Chairman]

If you can prove you were born before 1788, you're eligible to run.

He's already busy rewriting the ToS for the USA.

 

[diversteve]

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