pilot fish:
It's more that I feel, if these careful divers can persih, then it must be more possible for me to get into trouble.
That's the attitude you need to work on. From your statements similar to this one I believe you're an emotional person and you must control that. To say that once or twice I can understand, but you have said similar things many times and to me that says you've got a hidden fear you need to master.
That hidden fear can come to the front at a time that's bad and will cause problems, that's why I'm suggesting you figure out what's going on. Fear has no place in our sport, but a healthy understanding of our sport is good because that teaches proper procedures. But to question your abilities based on others who have more skills is just flat out wrong. You are not them, you may or may not have made the same choices at the same times. You can not compare your skills on an even board, don't even try because it will not work.
I look at AG Pilots and say those people are crazy flying like that, I'd never be able to do that type of flying and I know that the reason is I do not have the training. I know that if I flew that plane in that manner that I might make one or two passes and crash, but I do not think when I hear of one of them dying that because they're better than me that I too risk death flying. Why, I'm not doing the flying they are and if I was I'd have the training to do it safely.
You should not be thinking that because those better than you pass away that you risk it more so, they're diving dives that you would never in your right mind attempt because you do not have the training to do them, and you know it. Therefore from a risk assessment point of view you're not able to compare things. You're talking apples and oranges and just don't believe it deep down. You believe you're talking apples only and you're not.
Does any of my ranting here make sense? It's a hard subject to speak well on for me, probably others.
The largest problem is that I don't believe that there's a much larger number divers with experience dying, but rather with the Internet we hear of it now and before we didn't. Plus, with more divers around now we have more people taking advanced training and doing more risky dives and therefore there will be some increase in accidents.
Proper training will go a long ways, and as long as you stick to your skill level and not push it you're fine. We all risk death every day, but we don't all dwell on it.