Wife Trouble.....help!

[Darnold9999]

Just spent two weeks diving with people that dive way too fast for my liking so my first reaction was like others to tell you to slow down. Diving is not a race. Let the current work for you not against you.

However you may want to revisit her weighting and position in the water. Newer divers are often overweighted and instead of swiming through the water head first are pushing through the water somewhat vertically. Stand off a few yards and watch her swim. Reposition weights so that she is horizontal without swimming. Then ... slow down and think rather than power through the water. Make the initial part of the dive against the current and use the current to return you to your starting point if at all possible - or don't dive in current for a while.

 

[Diver0001]

Thanks for the advice..
I guess my biggest question is .... Do all of you out there that dive with your spouse have a unusually high level of stress and anxiety over worrying about your spouse? I mean,.. I cannot keep my eyes off of her because I worry so much about her safety... Its not that she is a bad diver or dangerous or anything... I just worry so about her so much I find myself bound up in knots.... I guess this just subsides with time and practice??

Samson-

It's hard to judge if you're getting that feeling because you're not feeling secure with *her* abilities or if you're not secure with *your* abilities....

It's a good question to meditate on because generally speaking as ones ability to assist someone improves then the anxiety level regarding the other generally subsides.

Maybe spending some time doing skills like air sharing etc. would help. IN any case, for your blood pressure I think I would advise to keep the dives easy and shallow until you're feeling more secure about diving with her.

R..

 

[ligersandtions]

It sounds like you either need to pick different sites (current-independent sites) or time your dives better (so that you're on slack tide and there's not as much water movement). There are a TON of people who dive regularly up in the PNW....they would be a GREAT resource for you to learn the ins and outs of dive sites, gain experience, and increase your selection of dive buddies in case your wife can't dive one weekend when you're dying to get out. They are really great people....I came and visited a couple weeks ago and they practically outfitted me for some diving....with the only thing in return being that they get to show off the beauty of PNW diving to a socal diver.

There's really not much of a reason that you should be diving in so much current that you wear yourselves out trying to swim against it. I know my hubby swims faster than I do, and we've worked that out....after many dives of him taking off too quickly and me not being able to get his attention until I was thoroughly out of breath, we got it figured out. Your communication skills will get better....and you'll figure out when to dive particular sites....everything about diving gets better with experience. So get in the PNW subforum and ask some questions!

 

[Melicertes]

Thanks for the advice..
I guess my biggest question is .... Do all of you out there that dive with your spouse have a unusually high level of stress and anxiety over worrying about your spouse? I mean,.. I cannot keep my eyes off of her because I worry so much about her safety... Its not that she is a bad diver or dangerous or anything... I just worry so about her so much I find myself bound up in knots.... I guess this just subsides with time and practice??

Samson-

Hi Samson,
I dive with my wife all the time, and yes I also have a higher than normal level of concern for her safety than what I probably would have for an instabuddy. It's only natural that we are afraid of seeing something bad happen to someone we love. That is not to say that I don't have concerns for safety with instabuddies but when you add loving someone into the mix it intensifies significantly.

One of the things that took us a long time to sort out is patience with one another and good clear communication, above and below the surface. In the beginning (edit: and I sometimes still have to be reminded a little) I tended to expect the same level of performance from her than what I knew I was capable of and it took me a while, and several heated surface floating arguments, to learn that I cannot expect her to do things my way all the time or even to do them at the same intensity that I can. Not that she was less capable but more because I was in better shape fitness wise than her at the time.

Get her some decent fins as Walter suggested. Start a decent exercise program with her, focusing specifically on her needs for stronger calf exercises for improving finning power. Don't neglect the cardio workouts either. I have recently discovered an excellent book from another thread here on SB for diving fitness and I'd highly recommend getting yourself a copy (see Better fitness means better diving.) and working through it systematically. Once you know you are both in good physical shape for diving more rigorous conditions you will find that you're more confident in both your as well as her skills. Improving your bodies' cardio fitness levels also has the nice benefit of lowering anxiety and panic levels because the body is able to energize itself much more efficiently under stressful conditions.

The rest of it is psychological. Slowing down, relaxing, calming down sometimes takes a conscious effort to do. Try to figure out exactly what it is that you are concerned about, are your concerns realistic/justified, are there things you can do to mitigate them (exercise, better gear, equipment streamlining/configuration)? Try to figure out the thought patterns that lead up to your panic and worry thought spirals; learn to recognise the thought habits as they start and learn to redirect them positively to avoid falling back into the worry spirals.

A lot of it has to do with comfort, confidence, and ability. Comfort has to do with gear, exposure protection etc. Confidence has to do with experience, proper training, and frequent diving; and ability has to do with physical and emotional preparation and development. Balance these three and you should be a lot closer to finding a solution for your worrywortiness (justified and unjustified).

Edit: Just remember, you most likely go diving to relax and enjoy nature right? Your'e not doing BUDS training so don't make it harder that what it needs to be. Make careful choices about dive locations, times, etc. Go out and have fun.

Good luck.

 

[boulderjohn]

Last year I was teaching a class in which one of the students, a young woman, swam the entire swmming test in a beautiful, strong, confident crawl. When done, she stepped out of the water without a hint of heavy breathing.

Less than a year before that, she had taken a Resort Dive (Discover Scuba) course in Australia. It was a disaster. She nearly drowned because she panicked. She panicked because she really couldn't swim. She cried in humiliation throughout the entire boat ride home, and she vowed nothing like that would ever happen to her again.

So she took swimming lessons.

Not long after she was the strong and confident swimmer I saw in my class.

 

[captron]

Be glad she dives, Do not discourage her, you do not what her to quit. pick dive that she can do!

 

[RAWalker]

Have her take a Peak Performance Buoyancy specialty. This will help with streamlining and trim considerations. A change of fins may or may not help get her some more thrust from her kicking. Using a kickboard in a pool may help some also. A buddy line may at least allow you to drag her a bit more efficiently.
I also move more efficiently underwater than my wife. I don't mind waiting for her and at times when I'm using a camera it gives me a few seconds to compose a shot. Take up underwater photography and it will slow you down.

 

[seaducer]

I know my hubby swims faster than I do, and we've worked that out....after many dives of him taking off too quickly

There is an easy way around this. When my GF was going to get certified, I decided to pre-empt the typical new diver race syndrome. I told her I am a photographer, so that means I dive slow.

In addition to the camera, I have the compass and the car keys. So if she wants to find the exit, and get a lift home, she needs to stay with me!

 

[Air On]

Does she have a Scuba Board account, is she missing out on all the good information and resources here at Scuba Board?

I'm waiting for the part where he allows her to login and express her take on this.
Sorry but you sound a bit selfish and self centered from how I'm taking what I read by you.

She is probably even more stressed then you are as a newbie diver trying to learn SCUBA with a speed boat dive buddy who keeps leaving her behind . Then making her feel bad because she can't keep up and being physicaly dragged around underwater by you.

As pointed out MANY times here, count yourself lucky she enjoys diving and is willing to do it.
Count yourself doubly lucky she keeps doing it with what it sounds like your putting her through.

Invest in getting her a propulsion vehicle at least, if you want her to follow you faster... thats going to add another level of complexity and equipment to manage for her though.

Appart from no current dives...
The best bet is to depart on your dive AGAINST the current and then let it return you both to your starting point. As the more experienced diver... Thats your fault for poor dive planning and execution. Your also doing her a disservice as a new diver by NOT showing her the proper way to dive plan.

If you just can't deal with the stress of working with a slower more inexperienced diver, Then let her buddy up with some people more her speed so she can enjoy her dives and develop at her own speed.

What was your dive buddies like when you started out?

I don't think your really looking for our answers here, it looks like what you really want is for someone to help you justify the way your treating her and back up your oppinions.

Send her on a dive trip to someplace like San Carlos, Mexico or another location with warm water and little to no currents. Just so she can see what its like to have a more relaxed dive trip and see the differnce.

Even if she wasn't your wife, YOUR job as a dive buddy is to help keep her calm. Sure thats her job too but your the one who is more expereinced and your the one here complaining about her.

Think about that a bit...not cool man.

 

[MaxBottomtime]

My enjoymet for diving increased exponentially when I began taking pictures. I was amazed at how much I saw by spending ten-fifteen minutes in an area rather than covering 1/4 mile in the same time. As for surface swims, I used to have to wait for, and sometimes tow my fiancee until she got a Freedom backplate from Eric Sedletzky and sold her BC. She calls it a racing plate because now I can't keep up with her.
Streamlining gear by removing useless gadgets and using a backplate rather than a traditional BC has made her diving much more enjoyable.