I have to agree with the others on the bouncing text box. It is very annoying.
Also, the color seems to be weird in some clips, I am guessing that is your camera. Which one are you using? Did you have a red filter or color correct or both? (I always use both red filter and tweaking in editing)
Some of the clips are really really nice, but I think it would be better cut into two smaller videos. I try to keep mine under 5 minutes if possible. Sometimes they get longer than that, but I try to get 3-5 minutes as that is about the length of time most people are willing to sit and watch a video. YMMV.
robin