Funniest Diving quotes you have heard

[Joe-Diver]

An unnamed user on this board once said:

"When dealing with a panic'd diver on the surface, hold them under until they submit."

 

[ZzzKing]

An unnamed user on this board once said:

"When dealing with a panic'd diver on the surface, hold them under until they submit."

And another one said:

"EXACLTY..
And with integrated weights, I dont feel any of it ever.. Its all in my BC. I didnt even notice when I lost a pouch on a night dive in Cozumel. I was still able to dive and goof off and be annoyed in the morning when it was missing.."

 

[AbyssalPlains]

Overheard a conversation between a customer and the rep at my LDS the other day.
Rep:
"What can I help you with?"

Customer:
"I bought this mask from you guys, for snorkeling, and I guess I made a mistake. I took it on a scuba dive and the strap buckles broke off on both sides."

Talk about the cringe factor.

 

[cajunscuba]

Ok, new diver here but I would think the reason would have to do with depth and bottom time. Am I correct?

I just thought I would share a funny dive quote i heard on the boat last weekend when i was diving and wanted to see some other funny/stupid comments they have heard on scuba boats.

This advanced open water diver surfaces from his second 100+ foot dive of the day and says, "These new dive computers sucks, they put me into deco when I still had 1500 psi."

Luckily we found out he came out of deco as he surfaced but we couldnt believe a AOW diver didn't know the reason behind deco or even what deco mode was on a computer! He had too sit out the final dive.

 

[Teamcasa]

A non diver asked me yesterday, "How deep is the ocean where you dive?" I told him it averaged 60-80 feet. He asked if the whole ocean was that deep?


This is the best post ever.
http://www.scubaboard.com/forums/3443054-post47.html

 

[CoyKoi]

Yep. In a nutshell: the amount of nitrogen that has built up in your body from your dives that day determines how long you have to wait and at what depth you must remain there before surfacing.

Good catch. Guess we won't put you in the same category with that Darwin diver who make the deco comment.

 

[BGF]

had a dive buddy the other day, as we're gearing up for a shore dive and he'd just finished tightening the cam bands on his tank " aww damn, I thought I brought my filled tank but I don't have any air left." the rest of us kinda look at him and ask how he overlooked what the pressure was in his tank. A minute or two later " oh, I guess I have to turn the tank all the way on"

 

[Dan Watkins]

My brother went on a cruise recently with his wife who is not a Scuba Diver, so they were going to do a snorkling excursion.

The guide starts handing out masks, fins, and snorkles. A minute later my brother hears all this gurgling and gasping behind him. He turns around to see a young lady taking her mask off and gasping for air.

The young lady proceeds to raise her hand and pose the question to the guide... "I think my mask is broken. This nose part here is where you are supposed to breath from right?"

 

[charlesml3]

On a six-pack in Cozumel a couple of years ago. Some woman sitting beside me:

Me: When did you get into Cozumel?
Her: Yesterday morning but we can't dive the day we get here.
Me: Why not?

Her: Because that'll make our dive computers shut down.

She actually believed her computer "knew" she'd been flying that day and would shut down if they made a dive. Both of them believed this.

 

[ruready7]

I like....you should always dive with a buddy...if you have an equipement problem buddy can help....if you run out of air buddy can help....if there is a shark attack your odds are now 50-50 instead of 100%