peter
Guest
Could you tell me what the tide times are for that particular sunday. And will there be food ?
"Men's Secrets"
- Thread starter Natasha
- Start date
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Abby ................I guess I hadn't thought that far.
Oops .... another male secret out of the bag.
Now, Natasha about this Sunday afternoon bit HMMMMMMMMMM!!
Nope, definitly dive. I have two teenagers and the making love part is now few and far between. We have to set them up on a date now for the Mrs and I to do the ________ well you know what I mean.
Butch
eace:
Oops .... another male secret out of the bag.
Now, Natasha about this Sunday afternoon bit HMMMMMMMMMM!!
Nope, definitly dive. I have two teenagers and the making love part is now few and far between. We have to set them up on a date now for the Mrs and I to do the ________ well you know what I mean.
Butch
eace:
ScubaBaby
Contributor
Butch....trust me when I say...Men not thinking is not a male secret...women have known about it for years!!!
OP
Natasha
Contributor
Peter,
While I got a good laugh out of that, I'll give some specifics. This Sunday would either be the best love making of your life, or the best diving and food of your life.
Now pick! Ha!
MJC no cheating here! And Butch, I understand, I have two teens too.
:sunny:
While I got a good laugh out of that, I'll give some specifics. This Sunday would either be the best love making of your life, or the best diving and food of your life.
Now pick! Ha!
MJC no cheating here! And Butch, I understand, I have two teens too.
:sunny:
Since my feet are usually in my mouth anyway . . .
Here are all of our secrets:
1) The trick to a good second marriage is that we have learned that logic plays no part in argueing with our wives.
2) We could pee without getting it on the seat and floor, but that is one of the things that seperate us from you.
3) It's true most men don't like bowling, but where else can you sit behind behind a good lookin women and stare while she bends over and plays with a ball and not get in trouble.
4) If we say you are right it is because we know there is no hope of explaining the complex nature of the true answer anyway, besides the couch gets lonely when we are right.
5) When you get all dolled up to go out, we'd rather stay in and see how come you don't look the same when you take off all those tight clothes.
6) If you are good looking and smart and logical, we don't want you because you are probably a drag queen.
7) The Antichrist is a shape-changing being, just ask any divorced man and he will tell you he was married to the antichrist, but then ask for a physical desription and you will find discrepancies.
8) It's true when we are driving our 4x4's down flooded streets it is impossible for us to resist the urge to fly through the puddles sending water spraying.
9) We are scared of your driving, we really aren't that comfortable holding onto the dash, and the handle above our heads and trying pray all at the same time.
10) If women came from man, now whe know what god was thinking, Lets get rid of the bad. Unfortunately she grew and procreated hehehehe
11) Shaving is not a fun thing to do, so it is itchy when we kiss, but there are other places to kiss when you tell me to go shave.
12) We love to be with you, especially when you are quiet, accept we run the remote and accept that "movies for guys who like movies" does not include Dirty Dancing. If you want dirty dancing, we can arrange that with no TV or remote.
13) If we fart in bed it is just a reaction to you giving us the cold shoulder when we want more and you have a headache. Studies have shown that farting in bed raises the temperature by almost 3 degrees for 3 minutes.
14) If you want to know the true secret of men and sex, yes it is true we like to go to bed afterwards, I mean after being satisfied we don't want to talk about your trip to bloomingdales.
15) Making the bed is acceptable, adding all the comforters and pillows, and teddy bears is a total waste, since we are hoping you will be in there with us having sex before the day is through.
16) Reading in the bathroom isn't the best place but it is one of the few places that when it smells you won't come in and nag us about the trash. (Should I tell her about the fart spray we all have under the cabinet?)
17) If we are in the car singing, it is a a good indication we want you to be quiet.
18) I do want to know all about your day, but lets havesex first before you remember how bad it was and get another headache.
19) Of course we don't want to be the ones having the babies, what do we look like fools.
20) If we turn off the lights during sex it isn't because we don't want to see you, it's just that we are tired and don't want to have to get up when we are done.
The views and opinions expressed here are not my own, as my wife could read this. The real me is hidden from view so I can stay happily married, but since you asked.....
Here are all of our secrets:
1) The trick to a good second marriage is that we have learned that logic plays no part in argueing with our wives.
2) We could pee without getting it on the seat and floor, but that is one of the things that seperate us from you.
3) It's true most men don't like bowling, but where else can you sit behind behind a good lookin women and stare while she bends over and plays with a ball and not get in trouble.
4) If we say you are right it is because we know there is no hope of explaining the complex nature of the true answer anyway, besides the couch gets lonely when we are right.
5) When you get all dolled up to go out, we'd rather stay in and see how come you don't look the same when you take off all those tight clothes.
6) If you are good looking and smart and logical, we don't want you because you are probably a drag queen.
7) The Antichrist is a shape-changing being, just ask any divorced man and he will tell you he was married to the antichrist, but then ask for a physical desription and you will find discrepancies.
8) It's true when we are driving our 4x4's down flooded streets it is impossible for us to resist the urge to fly through the puddles sending water spraying.
9) We are scared of your driving, we really aren't that comfortable holding onto the dash, and the handle above our heads and trying pray all at the same time.
10) If women came from man, now whe know what god was thinking, Lets get rid of the bad. Unfortunately she grew and procreated hehehehe
11) Shaving is not a fun thing to do, so it is itchy when we kiss, but there are other places to kiss when you tell me to go shave.
12) We love to be with you, especially when you are quiet, accept we run the remote and accept that "movies for guys who like movies" does not include Dirty Dancing. If you want dirty dancing, we can arrange that with no TV or remote.
13) If we fart in bed it is just a reaction to you giving us the cold shoulder when we want more and you have a headache. Studies have shown that farting in bed raises the temperature by almost 3 degrees for 3 minutes.
14) If you want to know the true secret of men and sex, yes it is true we like to go to bed afterwards, I mean after being satisfied we don't want to talk about your trip to bloomingdales.
15) Making the bed is acceptable, adding all the comforters and pillows, and teddy bears is a total waste, since we are hoping you will be in there with us having sex before the day is through.
16) Reading in the bathroom isn't the best place but it is one of the few places that when it smells you won't come in and nag us about the trash. (Should I tell her about the fart spray we all have under the cabinet?)
17) If we are in the car singing, it is a a good indication we want you to be quiet.
18) I do want to know all about your day, but lets havesex first before you remember how bad it was and get another headache.
19) Of course we don't want to be the ones having the babies, what do we look like fools.
20) If we turn off the lights during sex it isn't because we don't want to see you, it's just that we are tired and don't want to have to get up when we are done.
The views and opinions expressed here are not my own, as my wife could read this. The real me is hidden from view so I can stay happily married, but since you asked.....
Hey man you had me and a couple of the guys here in the office in tears. Great material.
Gals, believe all the quotes, they are true.
We have a motto in our house (that is the kids and I ) " If mom is happy, the whole family is happy".
Butcheace:
Gals, believe all the quotes, they are true.
We have a motto in our house (that is the kids and I ) " If mom is happy, the whole family is happy".
Butch
eace:21) We don't like to make comments about women, but when they are flaunting it is our duty as men to point out how distasteful that is that she is wearing her pants so tight, all the time going, dang that's sweet.
22) When we say that girl has been ridden hard and put away wet, it is our way of cheering for the man that got her there, not our way of saying she has bed hair.
23) The ideal woman . . . (I'll get back to this)
24) If men were as bad as women say the devil would have to have lots of twins.
25) I don't want to criticize dieting, but if you are on a diet, why do I get deprived of my twinkies?
26) You are not fat just because the pants you are wearing won't zip up. Here, let me help you out of those.
27) A pregnant woman is truly beautiful right up till the point you realize you haven't gotten any for a week
28) Having been married twice I have to wonder about the story we get told about that time of the month. Both of mine have had it on and off during the month, and no matter what if I spend 5 hours watching football, you know today is going to be one of those days.
29) I shouldn't bash marriage, after all my next one might turn out to be a charm, or it could be three strikes I am out...
30) Men find women attractive for the inside eventually, but come on we barely want to know your name before we get to the first time.
31) Men don't really make love, our idea of foreplay is getting undressed.
32) Timing is everything to a man, so if you want to please him limit all sexual stimulous to the 2 minutes 30 seconds when the commercials are running. Then when dirty dancing is re-running on tnt you can have us for 2 whole hours.
33) We don't like sappy womens movies. Our idea of a womens movie involves women and nudity, no crying necessary.
34) Romance is good, usually for a few months or so until you realize your woman is no longer dressing up for you, wearing makeup and lays around in a full length terrycloth robe.
35) We would love to buy you more roses, but if we did that we would have to cut down on other things like sporting events, diving etc...
36) Cards are good. I like to give my wife a card at least once a year. Sometimes it is even near my anniversary which is like a bonus.
37) Orgasms, here's the biggie. We got the shaft so to speak, you get multiple, we get strokes and heart attacks during sex.
38) The 5 minute rule applys to sex, if you are not finished in 5 minutes after we are done, the lights and TV go back on. Why should we suffer.
39) I can't wait to get home to be in the arms of my wife, unfortunately she has my honeydo list waiting at the door.
40) I would rather spend a quality day with my wife than going to a stock car race..... YEAH RIGHT!
22) When we say that girl has been ridden hard and put away wet, it is our way of cheering for the man that got her there, not our way of saying she has bed hair.
23) The ideal woman . . . (I'll get back to this)
24) If men were as bad as women say the devil would have to have lots of twins.
25) I don't want to criticize dieting, but if you are on a diet, why do I get deprived of my twinkies?
26) You are not fat just because the pants you are wearing won't zip up. Here, let me help you out of those.
27) A pregnant woman is truly beautiful right up till the point you realize you haven't gotten any for a week
28) Having been married twice I have to wonder about the story we get told about that time of the month. Both of mine have had it on and off during the month, and no matter what if I spend 5 hours watching football, you know today is going to be one of those days.
29) I shouldn't bash marriage, after all my next one might turn out to be a charm, or it could be three strikes I am out...
30) Men find women attractive for the inside eventually, but come on we barely want to know your name before we get to the first time.
31) Men don't really make love, our idea of foreplay is getting undressed.
32) Timing is everything to a man, so if you want to please him limit all sexual stimulous to the 2 minutes 30 seconds when the commercials are running. Then when dirty dancing is re-running on tnt you can have us for 2 whole hours.
33) We don't like sappy womens movies. Our idea of a womens movie involves women and nudity, no crying necessary.
34) Romance is good, usually for a few months or so until you realize your woman is no longer dressing up for you, wearing makeup and lays around in a full length terrycloth robe.
35) We would love to buy you more roses, but if we did that we would have to cut down on other things like sporting events, diving etc...
36) Cards are good. I like to give my wife a card at least once a year. Sometimes it is even near my anniversary which is like a bonus.
37) Orgasms, here's the biggie. We got the shaft so to speak, you get multiple, we get strokes and heart attacks during sex.
38) The 5 minute rule applys to sex, if you are not finished in 5 minutes after we are done, the lights and TV go back on. Why should we suffer.
39) I can't wait to get home to be in the arms of my wife, unfortunately she has my honeydo list waiting at the door.
40) I would rather spend a quality day with my wife than going to a stock car race..... YEAH RIGHT!
keralucu
Senior Member
*OH....PLEASE!!! ROTFLMAO* Syruss, you're killing me :all:
(And Mario... what you said in reply to making love and/or diving... that was exactly what I was thinking.)
(And Mario... what you said in reply to making love and/or diving... that was exactly what I was thinking.
)
The Chairman
Chairman of the Board
That is too funny man... keep at it...
:tease:
:tease:
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