Need a boost a faith for the wife and diving

[jebsurf]

i would also hire an instructor..

If your relationship is like ours, your wife will listen to someone else before she will listen to you...

My wife is VERY opinionated and stubborn... I can't tell her to do anything, but let someone else tell her and she's OK with it.

I think we may have the same wife

Liability? Who gives a crap .. it is his WIFE... He kills her he is going to be "in trouble". I suspect that your wife had the typical abbreviated scuba course. Then she goes with the husband (a non-professional) who she probably doesn't view as "a professional" and this may add a lot to her stress level. I wonder if she would have been more comfortable "in the hands of" the people she was taught in the pool with? Maybe, maybe not?

If it were me, I think I would demand that she go back for some more pool practice and then if and only if she really wants to do the dives, let the instructor take her. If she wants you there, maybe the instructor would allow it. I would then take her in the pool and train her myself in no-mask buddy breathing.... they don't teach that stuff anymore... but it will be a good method to guage her comfort and skill level...I would do all this before letting her go in open water.

If you are typing that "maybe she is not cut out for scuba".. then you are probably sending the same message to her and this type of "lack of confidence" can easily be enough to tweek someone from uncomfortable to panic.

Yeah. Good point. We shall see

 

[herbdb]

Jebsurf, you have taken a real beating here. I admire you for fessing up to a mistake, asking for and accepting advise.

Let us know how it turns out.

Good Luck.

 

[jebsurf]

Awwww no beatings . I'm not new to forums and the negative people that just have to make themselfs be heard. I can tell the difference between the ones who care and the ones who are just being trying to be A*****es. I don't get my panties in a bunch too much. and thanks. I talked to her and she is off thurs and Friday so we are going to get her two full days in the pool and go from there

 

[Imla]

Now.. I have only skimmed the posts here... But being a girl... In a close to all male environment, and working as a dive master in an area where we train new divers in cold/freezing water I know just a slight bit about sensory overload, and the damage it can do if the student does not have the proper attentive instructor.

I am sorry to be blunt, but sunshine.. You screwed the pooch!
You really need to back off your wifes training. Write her a note with a great big apology that she can take to her instructor, and do her the BEST SERVICE you can do in her diving career... Drive her TO the dive site/diveshop, ask her when she wants to be picked up, and DRIVE AWAY!!

When she gets certified... Tell her to ask the instructor if he knows of a diver who would be willing to act as a Mentor for her. (This should NOT be you.)
Let her develop confidence at her own pace, and whenever she is ready to dive with you, SHE is the boss.

I apologize again for being blunt, but in my experience, men like you are the the reason why some female divers never have the chance to learn and experience how to be proper self-reliant (NO, not talking Solodiver) self-confident divers.

Trust the instructor to do his job!

 

[flots am]

Trust the instructor to do his job!

The current instructor apparently was ready to take the new diver to her open water dives when she clearly wasn't ready.

Trust isn't always appropriate.

flots.

 

[Oldbear]

Jebsurf,


I totally understand your point of view and desire to "be there" for your wife.


My GF of many years has watched me develop my dive career and now she is interested in starting her own. This past weekend she did her Discovery Dive and had a blast. For me, I got to ride the pine pony (bench) and watch from the side of the pool; something she has done many a time for me. I cannot tell you how much I wanted to be in the water sharing this experience with her, but this time my place was just as an observer. She did great with the instructor...better than some of the other participants.


To the contrary there was one couple in which the BF claimed to be a DM and was over bearing on his GF. The mistakes or short-cuts this guy did definitely made her Discovery Dive miserable for her and I would be surprised if she took up diving in the near future. He felt she needed a larger mask, instead of letting her pick one that fit HER; thus her mask was constantly flooding. He did not recognize that she was not descending in the pool because of her breathing and added too much weight and she dropped like a rock. In the end she had a horrible time which was quite different from my GF’s dive. For my GF the Discovery Dive was so much fun; she swam thru the hoops in the bottom of the pool, she played with one of those torpedo darts with another diver, she experimented with her descents and equalizing and tried different attitude positions, e.g. rolling over on her back, sitting position etc. AFTER my GF's dive we discussed everything that happened and how excited she was to begin her OW class. I am so glad I let her have the great diving experience that she was able to share with me later on.


I will teach my GF underwater photography and videography, fish ID, ocean conservation, boat diving, shore diving, search and recovery skills, etc., but I will not teach her OW, Peak Buoyance, Deep Diver, Wreck, Cave/Cavern or Rescue etc. There are classes/courses that enhance our diving experience and then there are courses/classes that work on diving proficiency...the later I do not want to be an obstacle in her learning, regardless of my intentions.


Sometimes the best thing you can do for a loved one is not to be directly involved, yet still be there for them.


Jebsurf, if your wife and you feel that her instruction/instructor is a good one, I would back off and let them do their part; if not look for different instruction/instructor until she and you find that confidence. As her beloved husband, either consciously or subconsciously she will view and interact with you differently (just like you will with her) than she would on her own with an instructor and it is possible this could (and did) hinder her education and diving experience. This is her time to learn to dive and find her confidence; your place should be supportive of her…


~Oldbear~

 

[Imla]

The current instructor apparently was ready to take the new diver to her open water dives when she clearly wasn't ready.

Trust isn't always appropriate.

flots.

Was she clearly not ready to take her first dive with a person who was NOT an instructor, or was she not ready to follow the course?

There is a BIG difference in having your first OW dive with a NON-instructor, than with a qualified professional.
As I read the OPs first post, HE, the non-instructor, took he wife out on the boat and for a dive BEFORE she had had her first OW-dive with the instructor.

We have absolutely no indicators that the original instructor has been at fault here. She should have had her first dive WITH an instructor and not a paternalistic husband-diver...

 

[maristu]

The current instructor apparently was ready to take the new diver to her open water dives when she clearly wasn't ready.

You don't know that. Maybe it would've been different if she'd had her first OW experience with her instructor, who had trained her in the pool and knew what she was comfortable with and what she might have problems, and who had already created a trust bond with her. Maybe he would've known what to say and how to explain what the dive would be like and what she should expect. I agree with Imla. And not to be all feminist (cause I'm really not) if it were an experienced female diver intruding on her male companion's training, reactions would be different.

Again: the instructor was trained to do this. You chose him/her. Let him/her do their job.

 

[dbulmer]

Jebsurf,
At the risk of annoying you ( ) Imla gave some good advice but missed something.
Imla said:-
"You really need to back off your wifes training. Write her a note with a great big apology that she can take to her instructor, and do her the BEST SERVICE you can do in her diving career... Drive her TO the dive site/diveshop, ask her when she wants to be picked up, and DRIVE AWAY!!"

The bit she missed was: And don't come back It's character buillding

Sorry had to bring in a little levity as I suspect we need to remember that while diving has a serious dimension which others have alluded to there is also the fun factor and the advice others have given is to enhance the fun factor rather than hang the messenger.

 

[maristu]

Ok, here's a question that hasn't been asked: did your wife actually ask for help, or allude to having difficulties during her pool sessions? If she did, I understand your reaction, although I would've gone for extra pool sessions and not OW...

anyway, the point of the post was to ask what to do... I'd leave it to your wife, she should decide. Support her in whatever decision she makes, and hopefully in a couple weeks you'll be able to dive together