Your Help Is Urgently Needed

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Location
Minneapolis, MN
# of dives
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Since September 11, 2001, Americans and Canadians have come together as never before in our generation. We have banded together to overcome tremendous adversity. We have weathered direct attacks on our own soil, wars overseas, corporate/government scandal, layoffs, unemployment, stock price plunges, droughts, fires, mad cow, SARS, high gasoline prices, and a myriad of economic and physical disasters both great and small. But now, we must come together once again to overcome our greatest challenge yet.

Hundreds of Professional Hockey players in our very own nation are going to be locked out, living at well below the seven-figure salary level. And as if that weren't bad enough they could be deprived of their life giving pay for several months, possibly longer, as a result of the upcoming lockout situation. But you can help!

For only $20,835 a month, about $694.50 a day (that's less than the cost of a large screen projection TV) you can help an NHL player remain economically viable during his time of need. This contribution by no means solves the problem as it barely covers the annual minimum salary, but it's a start, and every little bit will help!

Although $700 may not seem like a lot of money to you, to a hockey Player it could mean the difference between spending the lockout golfing in Florida or on a Mediterranean cruise. For you, seven hundred dollars is nothing more than a month's rent, half a mortgage payment, or a month of medical insurance, but to a hockey player, $700 will partially replace his daily salary.

Your commitment of less than $700 a day will enable a player to buy that home entertainment center, trade in the year-old Lexus for a new Ferrari, or enjoy a weekend in Rio.

HOW WILL I KNOW I'M HELPING?

Each month, you will receive a complete financial report on the player you sponsor. Detailed information about his stocks, bonds, 401(k), real estate, and other investment holdings will be mailed to your home. Plus, upon signing up for this program, you will receive an unsigned photo of the player lounging during the lockout on a beach somewhere in the Caribbean
(for a signed photo, please include an additional $150). Put the photo on your refrigerator to remind you of other peoples' suffering.

HOW WILL HE KNOW I'M HELPING?

Your NHL player will be told that he has a SPECIAL FRIEND who just wants to help in a time of need. Although the player won't know your name, he will be able to make collect calls to your home via a special operator in case additional funds are needed for unforeseen expenses.

YES, I WANT TO HELP!

I would like to sponsor a locked out NHL player. My preference is
(check below):

[ ] Forward [ ] Defenseman [ ] Goaltender [ ] Entire team (Please call our
900 number to ask for the cost of a specific team - $10 per minute) [ ] Jaromir Jagr (Higher cost: $32,000 per day)

Please charge the account listed below $694.50 per day for the duration of the lockout. Please send me a picture of the player I have sponsored, along with an Jaromir Jagr 2001 Income Statement and my very own Bob Goodenow
(Executive Director of the NHLPA player's Union) pin to wear proudly on my hat (include $80 for hat).

Your Name: _______________________

Telephone Number: _______________________

Account Number: _______________________ Exp.Date:_______

[ ] MasterCard [ ] Visa [ ] American Express [ ] Other

Signature: _______________________

Alternate card (when the primary card exceeds its credit limit):

Account Number: _______________________ Exp.Date:_______

[ ] MasterCard [ ] Visa [ ] American Express [ ] Other

Signature: _______________________


Marc
 
BTW, ScubaBoard has graciously accepted to be a clearing house for these transactions... just forward your checks to me and I'll see that they get them.
 
Some of us are not laughing about this. About 1/3 of my annual income may be lost because of these fools.


I'm one of the people who you do not see, but without us you couldn't watch a sports telecast.
 
Do you get a Bubblehead (or how are the called) figure too? :D
 
I am signing up as we speak. I can afford to send 700 indian rupie's a day to them!

Paul
 
Boy, that's good news and a real relief! I though there for a while we'd take our usual approach to a crisis and pass some noble-sounding resolution in a joint session of congress which later turned out (after the media had buried the story in page B13 or abandoned it altogether) to be highly symbolic but ultimately devoid of any real ideas or funding or for addressing the root causes of the problem.

Wait, that sounds negative, and I don't mean it to. I honestly believe with that founding father dude that "that government is best which functions at the most symbolic level and lets us get on with our lives, already."

FLL: thanks for a good chuckle. I needed that just now.

-Bryan

"You live and learn. At any rate, you live."
-- Douglas Adams, 1952 - 2001
 
I will withdraw my contributions from those people in Africa, the homeless and orphans, so i can devote enough money per day to cover Jaromir Jagr for this season, cant see good talent get taken down due to a pay dispute - i think this is far more worthwhile! :wink:
 

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