AnnV
Registered
WOW! I can not imagine someone doing that. Dude has a big problem and I would not want to be underwater with him anywhere near me. If someone did this to me, my husband would his worst nightmare family or not.
Bullied under water
- Thread starter Tritonette
- Start date
Please register or login
Welcome to ScubaBoard, the world's largest scuba diving community. Registration is not required to read the forums, but we encourage you to join. Joining has its benefits and enables you to participate in the discussions.
Benefits of registering include
- Ability to post and comment on topics and discussions.
- A Free photo gallery to share your dive photos with the world.
- You can make this box go away
OP
Tritonette
New
Unfortunately my sister is supporting her husband because she herself likes to be controlled and is somewhat like him now after 25 years of marriage. He too has yelled at her for hermit crabs accidently brought out of the water etc... she is in a cycle. What bothers me is that he pretends he is a rescue diver which he has his certification and justifies that he was using this credential but reality is that he was guarding the fish and not me. I wonder why others continue wanting to dive with this controlling man? He can be funny but that laughter is always making jokes about others and circumstances. Sad. With all this support we will move on and find some other divers here. Thanks so much!
---------- Post added January 3rd, 2014 at 05:49 PM ----------
My husband is more passive but I really tried to talk with the brother in law myself but my sister now blocked me from FB and upset that I talked with the group about them. I needed to speak up for myself. I let it go too long. It has been a year with three incidents.
---------- Post added January 3rd, 2014 at 05:49 PM ----------
My husband is more passive but I really tried to talk with the brother in law myself but my sister now blocked me from FB and upset that I talked with the group about them. I needed to speak up for myself. I let it go too long. It has been a year with three incidents.
maderadiver
Contributor
I would just start diving with your knife in hand that should get the point across
LowDrag
Contributor
I agree with the others, find yourself a different group to dive with. I wouldn't put up with that crap. Especially if it was happening to my wife. If I ever saw anyone yank my wife like that there would be a serious problem that would be dealt with. That kind of action is uncalled for above water and should be considered completely taboo underwater. Good luck in finding a new dive group.
OkByMe
Contributor
- Messages
- 599
- Reaction score
- 202
- # of dives
- 500 - 999
If that were my wife and my brother was doing those things to her and continued beyond her objections... I think I would employ something more proactive - ass whipping anyone? Sometimes that is the only thing that will get a brothers attention, at least my 3 brothers anyway.
He would not be driving mine away from her group. However, if it were an acquaintance rather than family, I would warn once before the ass whipping took place. He should find another group that could tolerate the antics. But then that is just me, Ex-Marine syndrome taking care of an Eco-nut.
He would not be driving mine away from her group. However, if it were an acquaintance rather than family, I would warn once before the ass whipping took place. He should find another group that could tolerate the antics. But then that is just me, Ex-Marine syndrome taking care of an Eco-nut.
Where is your husband in all of this? He should be supporting you and telling your brother in law to f... off. He has no right to grab you underwater or be abusive to you at all! You need to let him know that you won't tolerate that crap any more... and mean it! Being passive/polite to someone who is abusive only invites more of the same behavior from them. You need to be strong and firm. Your husband needs to find some big round ones.
As everyone has said, find new buddies. Diving is for fun. Tell your idiot BIL that you didn't ask him to be your scuba guardian.
As everyone has said, find new buddies. Diving is for fun. Tell your idiot BIL that you didn't ask him to be your scuba guardian.
kerrycorcoran
Contributor
I don't really see this as a dive related issue. From the tone of that you have presented of your brother in law it would seem he has this same attitude with you outside of diving. If that is the case you really need to take a stand for yourself and involve your husband if needed. Hopefully after you tell your brother in law how you feel he'll back off.
- Messages
- 17,334
- Reaction score
- 13,743
- # of dives
- 100 - 199
Joining the chorus of DTMF (dump the mofo). He's a serious a$$hole, and you have no obligation to associate with a$$holes.
This isn't "only" a bullying issue, it's also a safety issue. His behavior is making you stressed and insecure underwater, and that has a negative impact on your diving safety. DTMF ASAP, don't ever look back.
Edited to add:
If you find it difficult to tell your group that you're not diving with him, ever, again, the safety argument can work to your advantage. To be safe under water, you shouldn't be stressed. His behavior - regardless of whether or not the rest of the group accept that kind of assholish behavior - is impacting your safety. If they're reasonably competent and experienced divers, they should know that there's always some people who shouldn't dive together. It doesn't have to be anybody's fault, it can be just a personality clash.
This isn't "only" a bullying issue, it's also a safety issue. His behavior is making you stressed and insecure underwater, and that has a negative impact on your diving safety. DTMF ASAP, don't ever look back.
Edited to add:
If you find it difficult to tell your group that you're not diving with him, ever, again, the safety argument can work to your advantage. To be safe under water, you shouldn't be stressed. His behavior - regardless of whether or not the rest of the group accept that kind of assholish behavior - is impacting your safety. If they're reasonably competent and experienced divers, they should know that there's always some people who shouldn't dive together. It doesn't have to be anybody's fault, it can be just a personality clash.
You are doing the right thing. This guys issues run deeper than you might think.
AfterDark
Contributor
Personally if someone did that to me, they'd be feeling around for their mask. Bullies need to be confronted and put in their place. The sooner the better. I'm not a big man and was a small kid that bullies tried to pick on, once. After that we were either friends or not.
Similar threads
