Challenging Poor Buddy Skills -

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I, quite a long time ago, gave up on depending on anyone but myself. I did the SDI Solo Diving training, got equipped, practiced the skills till they became a reaction. When I dive with someone else, which these days is admittedly almost never, I am in no danger if they wander off. Being self sufficient is the best buddy you will ever have.
 
I often travel without a buddy. But sometimes one of my friends (a newer diver) comes with. Our ongoing battle as buddies is that I keep expressing the importance of EACH of us having visual contact with one another but she seems to believe there is some safety in diving along looking at my butt. She claims she feels more secure being able to see the whole of me. Meantime I'm always cranking my head around or peering between my legs to ensure all is well. The convos during surface intervals are not always pleasantries. In any event, I think we've finally managed to get her out from behind me and understanding the point of diving within a kick's reach, eye contact, etc., while still each enjoying the dives and the company. Its been a struggle though especially since my preferred way to dive is so independent. T'would be even more irresponsible of me to encourage that in a new diver though, wouldn't it?

I hear you Richard.

Same problem here with my 'regular buddy'. After fruitless attempts to try to resolve this issue constructively, I gave up so now I am learning how to be an 'underwater contortionist'.
 
It seems to me there are two different levels to this issue.

One the Instabuddy

I have no problem being firm and/or refusing do dive with them again. In this case you do not have any emotional investment.

Two the friend/buddy

This is potentially a much harder thing to deal with. It is particularly hard if you have a prior commitment to dive with them over a specified period of time. This could be when you meet on a trip to dive together, you go to their location or they come to yours. I have found some times things just go effortlessly. Other times you have a bit of compromise and adjustment. The hard thing is if you can not find a mutual ground and you do not want to lose the friendship over it.

I am not sure that "buddy skill" is the exact right term in some cases it is more about commitment to the buddy concept of maintaining proximity/contact. The fact is evident in the way people have posted in this thread that there are many interpretations of buddy skills. We may all be using the same words but some times we find out too late that those same words have different interpretations. Unfortunately that may create an unpleasant surprise when we descend!
 
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Based on my experiences in popular vacation spots, vacation divers in high vis, guide-led conditions don't dive as a buddy team ... they dive as a herd, concentrating almost exclusively on the herd leader ...

... Bob (Grateful Diver)

On those dives, I wonder what happens when those with higher standards of buddies decide they want abstain from diving with someone who doesn't dive their way? Do they stay on the boat, while everyone else dives? Or just dive with no buddy affiliation?

Richard.
 
On those dives, I wonder what happens when those with higher standards of buddies decide they want abstain from diving with someone who doesn't dive their way? Do they stay on the boat, while everyone else dives? Or just dive with no buddy affiliation?

Richard.

I've only had that experience once ... in Bonaire. Cheng wanted to sit out a dive, so I got paired up with a German fellow who completely ignored the dive plan ... which was to descend no deeper than 60 feet, since it was the third dive of the day. I followed him down to about 95 feet, and at that point abandoned his silly arse and swam back up to 60 to hook up with the rest of the group. Apparently he wanted to go all the way to the bottom ... about 130 feet ... which he did. About 10 minutes later he came back up and joined the party. As soon as the dive was over I informed the dive guide (who saw what happened) that I was very uncomfortable diving with that gentleman. He said I didn't have to, and the next dive I didn't have an assigned buddy.

Next day, the German fellow asked if he could join me and Cheng. I said "no" ...

... Bob (Grateful Diver)
 
so has anyone had the experience that the poor dive buddy is a SO that protests diving with anyone else?
 
so has anyone had the experience that the poor dive buddy is a SO that protests diving with anyone else?

By SO you mean "partner", right?

I think most people who teach see a fair number of "partners" who take lessons and/or dive together. In *most* cases one of the partners is usually dominant to one degree or another. The worst ones are so dominant that their partner is literally held back from developing as a diver.

I know it's the "crappy" one that gets on everyone's radar because you see them being incompetent, but to me it's the dominant partner who is the real problem. Often when you separate them, the "weak" partner does just fine.

R..
 
This thread comes as a spin off from a long discussion elsewhere, and I think merits discussion it its own right -
The scenario involved a very experienced and competent diver (an instructor) who showed a tendency to 'wander off' and do their own thing during a dive and not maintain good buddy skills. In real life the scenario had a tragic ending.
Has this happened to you, what did you do, with hindsight what would you do different?
So basically three questions
1/ - "How do I confront an 'experienced' buddy about their behaviour"
2/ - "What can I do if the experienced diver is not open to feedback"
3/ - "How do I, as an experienced diver, remain open to feedback from my buddies"
Phil
One thing that happened over and over again to me:

During night dives the other divers of the group (including a dive instructor and my "buddy") were not in the slightest concerned with me staying behind (because I was taking pictures).
They didn't even notice. They wandered off so far that I could only find them back by covering my torch and looking out for the very faint glow of their lights, and swim into that direction...
Luckily we weren't deep, so my plan B in case of trouble was an emergency ascent, but still, what is even the point of having to deal with buddies when they are no use at all?!?

Another one of these useless buddies once refused to carry a marker light so that I could recognize her.
There were several groups of divers in the water whirling around in a very small area, so I never knew who and where my buddy was, during the whole dive.
Afterwards she told me she knew exactly where I was all the time - no surprise, since I was the only one with a fluorescence torch!
It's a bit like small kids who, when they cover their face with their hands, think that nobody can see them, because they can't see anybody - except it's the exact opposite in this case.
Nota bene: If you can see and identify your buddy (because he sticks out from the crowd like a lighthouse), that doesn't necessarily mean he can see and identify you, stupid!

Unfortunately I could not afford to lose my dives under these circumstances.
I had spent several thousand Euros to get there in order to test some new fluorescence equipment, which I could not test at home, it had to be a tropical destination.
But since we weren't deep and there was no apparent imminent danger (e.g. fishing nets, etc.), I decided to rely on myself and go on with my dives, with an emergency ascent as my exit option.

Later on I found people interested in the same technology I was developing, which allowed me to avoid these "flock diving operators" and their heavily tatooed chain-smoking customers altogether ever since.
Never had these problems again.
 
I have the same problem as chillyinCanada -- with my husband. My own fault. He spent years following me and my camera as I zigged and zagged around taking pictures. He always hung slightly above and in back of me so he could keep track of me, and keep out of my way. Now that I am camera-less, I want him next to me so we can point out things to each other. Have to remind him before each dive to stay next to me. He usually manages to hang right in my "blind spot."
 
These same questions and concerns apply to Instructors, especially Resort Instructors, who seemingly ignore their own advice in both pre-dive and in-water safety guidelines, and put not just their buddy at risk, but the entire dive party. This happened recently to me in Jamaica at a Five Star PADI shop and I reported two of them, including the Dive Master and Manger, to PADI.
 

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