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Death of my Son, I need some help

Discussion in 'Passings' started by Superlyte27, Jan 31, 2019.

  1. chillyinCanada

    chillyinCanada ScubaBoard Supporter Staff Member ScubaBoard Supporter

    My heart aches for you. Long time friends lost their teen boy in a car accident this past fall. He'd only had the car for two days.

    When the mother of that boy was younger, her older (but still young and strong) brother died suddenly.

    At some point, their aunt contacted a wild animal rescue and rehabilitation center and sponsored an owl in his memory. A couple of months later, on the day that glorious, healthy, huge bird was to be freed back into the wild, we were all there. A protective leather glove was put onto D's father and that heavy bird was set upon his forearm. Then the father raised his forearm and the owl spread its huge healthy wings and lifted off into the sky. We watched until it was out of sight.

    It's very difficult to explain but it wasn't just the owl that flew free. Everyone watching was freed from their pain, just a little bit that day.

    My wish for you and yours is that you'll find some bit of comfort too someway somehow.
    zixzax, Chidiver1, drrich2 and 4 others like this.
  2. bowlofpetunias

    bowlofpetunias Oh no, not again! Staff Member ScubaBoard Supporter

    # of Dives: 500 - 999
    Location: Sydney Australia
    :hugs:I wish there was some way for us to ease your pain. Losing someone you love is always painful and there is a element of disbelief that is especially hard to break through when it is a sudden death. When life changes in an instant you can't possibly absorb it or adjust to it for some time. Special days and events just open the wound again. I hate to say "this is normal" because there should be nothing normal about a loss such as yours! My best friend's husband died in a car accident and when I walked into her home it was like I had stepped into a time warp. The expressions, reactions and emotions of the family were exactly like my family when my 19 year old brother was killed by an impaired driver years before. One foot in front of the other is all you can do. The only reassurance I can give you is that today is just another day you will conquer and you will win through in the end! I am so sorry you are going through this.
    chillyinCanada and RayfromTX like this.
  3. Reelman1

    Reelman1 Angel Fish

    # of Dives: 500 - 999
    Location: Rocky Mountains
    I hear you loud and clear my brother... please don’t forget in the darkness what you learned in the light...a long time ago a Father ( a lot like you and I) lost His son... in fact we’re remembering that event all over the world this weekend...because of that, you and I will see our kids again...I know that’s small comfort at times ( like now), but you and I both know it’s true... you’re right to hate it, it is BS... but it’s not final...you and your family remain in our thoughts and prayers, everyone here would do anything to spare you this...but here we are... you, me, the Chairman and all the others - waiting for things to be put right again...it’s good to have each other to lean on...
    drrich2, caydiver and Addicted2H2O like this.
  4. Skittl1321

    Skittl1321 Loggerhead Turtle

    # of Dives: 25 - 49
    I hope you can find some moments of peace today. It's no doubt it will be a hard day.

    4 months is a short time. I think those moments of disbelief will likely always be with you. They will hopefully just lessen over time so that they are not debilitating.
  5. Alvin Slovinsky

    Alvin Slovinsky Nassau Grouper

    It will take time to heal from your loss think of the memories you had together and look at some picture albums. Everyone has to find their way to cope with a loss hopefully this will bring you some comfort. I couldn’t imagine what your going through but you have my deepest sympathy. You will grow stronger and find a way to move forward talk to your friends and family. Your not alone.
  6. mhattenhauer

    mhattenhauer Divemaster

    # of Dives: 100 - 199
    Location: Arkansas
    I lost my daughter 2 years ago when a so called friend of hers put a .45 to her forehead and pulled the trigger. You never heal and you never get over it. What you do is pull yourself together and find something In you to keep going. My lifeline was that she was a track star so I started running to feel closer to her. I was angry and in a dark place for a long time. I have only in the last 3-6 months dug out of the abyss of darkness and hate and have been able to be happy again. It takes time but you learn to live with the pain. It never gets easier but you get stronger. Just don't give up.
  7. Superlyte27

    Superlyte27 Cave Instructor

    # of Dives: 5,000 - ∞
    Location: Florida
    My mom died Monday at 67 years old. I stay grumpy.
  8. RayfromTX

    RayfromTX Student Of Gas Mixology Staff Member ScubaBoard Sponsor

    # of Dives: 200 - 499
    Location: Cozumel while the cruise ships are gone
    So sorry for your loss. It has been a very hard year for us as well. I had a year like this in 1999 but I'm really hoping this is all for awhile. Best wishes for better tomorrows.
  9. melanie.

    melanie. Barracuda

    # of Dives: 200 - 499
    Location: Ontario, Canada
    I have been watching this thread for a while, and it has taken me a long time to figure out what to write.

    There is nothing right to say. There are not enough platitudes, warm thoughts, or condolences that make it better.

    So I would just like to say I care. I care that you are feeling pain. I care that you are feeling anger. I care for every feeling in between including the moments of happiness surrounded by guilt because you maybe felt something other than sadness for 10 seconds.

    My greatest hope is that you are able to accept your feelings in the moment, and allow yourself to feel whatever you need to at that time. And that it can swing widely back and forth and that's ok too. Give yourself permission to process and feel however you want.

    Sending my greatest hugs
    zixzax, Mimsy, Wingy and 5 others like this.
  10. Chidiver1

    Chidiver1 Barracuda

    At the end of the day all we have sometimes are memories. Try to remember the best times with them. They wouldn't want you to be in so much pain. Lost my dad out of nowhere last year and the manner that took him is gut wrenching for me and everything about me.

    I guess what I'm saying is there isn't much you can do except try to find a reason to keep pushing and so the best you can. While I can't put myself in your shoes I understand having loss very close to you. I have experienced it a few times in life, from family to friends who I was at odds with before they died unexpectedly.

    Everyone deals with loss differently. I don't think there is much you can do to make sense of any of it, just try to keep going and think of those good times. At some point that's all anyone will have left of us after we are gone as well.

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