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Death of my Son, I need some help

Discussion in 'Passings' started by Superlyte27, Jan 31, 2019.

  1. Schwob

    Schwob Solo Diver

    # of Dives: 200 - 499
    Location: Illinois - ("Schwob", formerly "Schwaeble")
    1,603
    811
    113
    Man!
    You got a mountain to climb for a long time!
    And as little as that may help, if at all, know that as long as you’re talking, we‘ll be listening ... and watching...
    Not much to be glad about here, but that last, quoted post of yours does sound good! Glad about that.
     
    bowlofpetunias likes this.
  2. Alan Browne

    Alan Browne Angel Fish

    # of Dives: 25 - 49
    Location: Quebec
    57
    12
    8
    I have no way to relate to what you wrote. You have my deep sympathies and condolences. I have one son, now 28, off exploring S.E. Asia and I can't imagine how I would handle him dying. I too regret the times missed, the arguments we had, misunderstandings not corrected... but at least we do get to do things together.

    I will say that I have immense respect for what you wrote above. I know I wouldn't be able to do so. At least I don't think so. So with that, you seem to be at least one step off in the right direction.

    It would do no harm at all to find a grief counselor or psychologist. You should not bear guilt. That may be one of the hardest things to shake, but you must.

    The "Christian" thing. To me (forgive me) that has the trappings of insulation when you need, over some time, to grieve, to cherish memories, perhaps write those down as part memorial and part therapy. Raw. Don't let anything be between you, your son and your feelings.

    You should also consider your wife's grief as part and parcel with your own while bearing in mind that you will both go through this differently in terms of expression, listening/hearing/interpreting, time ...

    Again, I'm very sorry for your loss and I do hope you come through with this tragedy lighter on your shoulders. In time.
     
  3. Nick Steele

    Nick Steele DIR Practitioner

    # of Dives: I'm a Fish!
    Location: Coral springs
    363
    172
    43
    While I can’t imagine what you are going through my deepest condolences to you and your family!

    It’s good to see some humor in your post though. Hope you can find some way to cope and best of wishes to you and your wife.
     
    bowlofpetunias likes this.
  4. solo gato

    solo gato Angel Fish

    15
    11
    3
    I concur; counseling can help atleast get a good picture of things, In my case my marriage took a major hit and I needed pro help to understand everything. my marriage never recovered but it happens and life goes on.
     
  5. Superlyte27

    Superlyte27 Cave Instructor

    # of Dives: 5,000 - ∞
    Location: Florida
    3,431
    2,286
    113
    It's weird how the swing is so big from moment to moment. Yesterday, life didn't seem to suck as much. Today, it seems overwhelming. Definitely not a fan.
     
    cathal likes this.
  6. The Chairman

    The Chairman Chairman of the Board

    # of Dives: I just don't log dives
    Location: Cave Country!
    52,721
    18,905
    113
    Like any pendulum, the swing reduces naturally. Some days will always leave you gasping for air. The first birthday without him and the anniversary of his death were particularly hard, even though I thought I had prepared for them. No matter how hard you try to avoid that hole, it's still there. No matter what plans you make, you have to make allowances for that hole.
     
    Hoag likes this.
  7. Hoag

    Hoag Manta Ray

    # of Dives: 200 - 499
    Location: Ontario
    1,186
    856
    113
    I am happy to read that "Yesterday, life didn't seem to suck as much." It may be a small step, but it is an important step in the healing process. As @The Chairman says, it will be like a pendulum. Some days will be better than others but gradually, the days of extremes will become fewer.
     
    Schwob and The Chairman like this.
  8. Reelman1

    Reelman1 Angel Fish

    # of Dives: 500 - 999
    Location: Rocky Mountains
    49
    18
    8
    We lost our son and daughter 17 years ago this March... a lot has been said here, most of which is good. The "firsts" are bad...Christmas, birthday, etc...I don't know if it gets better, it's gotten "softer", I guess, over time...try to remember the good stuff... don't ever hesitate to get hold of me if you just want to vent...we're praying for you guys ...and it is perfectly fine to get pissed, this is some rank sh*t we're dealing with here...no foolin man, get hold of me if you want, ok?
    Rob
     
    Boiler_81 and Nick Steele like this.
  9. Superlyte27

    Superlyte27 Cave Instructor

    # of Dives: 5,000 - ∞
    Location: Florida
    3,431
    2,286
    113
    So...
    I did something pretty stupid today. And I pretty much hate my existence.

    I've been holding onto Brian's cell phone for the last two months. I haven't cancelled the bill yet because I didn't have the strength to. Today, I figured that I would charge the phone and grab the voicemails and text messages from it. I know his friends have still been calling and writing to his phone.

    I couldn't get my charger to plug in without removing his case. Well, apparently the ME cleaned the blood from the outside of the phone, but not from the inside of the back of the case.. When I removed the case, I wound up with my son's blood all over my hands.

    Everyone I talk to says that this will never get any better. It'll just get different. It would be nice if it just didn't get any worse.

    Thanks for all the people reaching out to me here and in PM. It breaks my heart that so many people have been through this. It's even more upsetting that so many people I would consider friends have gone through it, and yet, I never knew.
     
  10. Jay_Antipodean

    Jay_Antipodean Need to dive more!

    # of Dives: 50 - 99
    Location: Melbourne, OZ.
    427
    168
    43
    May tomorrow be a better day for you than today.
    Sending you some positive vibes from this corner of the globe.
     

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