I'm really hoping Matt will rethink local diving, and here's why. Things keep getting overly dramatic and difficult for him here on SB, and that is likey because some discussions are just better had in person than online. Matt is likely someone who comes across better as a whole person, rather than as simple typing on a screen. If he would dive locally and maybe join a club, he could have face-to-face discussions with people who would love to share their knowledge and help him along. Such people would not be in a position of having shelled out thousands of dollars to make a dive trip, only to find themselves dealing with someone with lots of questions and need for discussion/assistance. If he connects with people locally, he'll get people who can take some time with him. He'll get experience learning how to sort out the people who really know their stuff vs. the people who just talk a good game, and he'll do that while not putting a pricey dive trip at risk. He'll develop skills that will help him enjoy the trips more when he takes them.
Most importantly though, perhaps in-person discussions will work better than an Internet forum. On the other hand, if he ends up still feeling like a pariah all the time, then maybe the world is trying to tell him something, and life will get easier if he starts to listen.
The first ten years of my dive career were vacation dives only. My skills really didn't develop much at all over that decade. I was comfortable being in the water and not a problem to anyone, but not especially talented, and definitely not growing as a diver. It's only since I've begun practicing locally in the last few years that I've "gotten it" about really becoming a diver. My real education didn't even start until after I'd already logged 100 dives. Compared to what I've learned in the most recent 100, I feel like the first 100 don't even count. I am sure that would never have changed if I'd stuck with vacation-only diving. As much as I liked diving before, I like it a LOT more now.
Matt, if you're reading this, I hope you find your way, and I wish you a great lifetime of diving.