Post Your Pretty Funny Stuff Here

[pidgiepoo]

Subject: The Old Flame


I received a phone call from a gorgeous ex-girlfriend who this morning
called 'out-of-the-blue' to see if I was still around
We lost track of time, chatting about the wild, romantic times we used
to enjoy together.
I couldn't believe it when she asked if I'd be interested in meeting up
and rekindling a little of that "old magic".
"Wow!" I was flabbergasted.
"I don't know if I could keep pace with you now", I said, "I'm a bit
older and a bit greyer and balder than when you last saw me. Plus I
don't really have the energy I used to have."
She just giggled and said she was sure I would "rise to the challenge".
"Yeah." I said. "Just so long as you don't mind a waistline that's a
few inches wider these days! Not to mention my total lack of muscle
tone....everything is sagging, my teeth are a bit yellowed and I am
developing jowls like a Great Dane!"
She laughed and told me to stop being so silly.
She teased me saying that tubby, grey haired, older men were cute, and >she was sure I would still be a great lover.
Anyway, she giggled and said, "I've put on a few pounds myself!"
So I told her to f**k off.

---------- Post added April 9th, 2012 at 01:26 PM ----------

Scrabble...

Rearrange the letters to spell out an important part of the human body which is even more useful when erect. P N E S I People who wrote SPINE became doctors... The rest are all my friends...

 

[WOODMAN]

Ghost Story...

An aspiring photographer was pondering ways to make himself famous, when he hit upon the idea of getting a picture of the ghost which was haunting a nearby old house. He packed up his equipment and went to the spooky old place, and sure enough, the haunt came out and started waving its arms about. "No, wait!" said the photographer. "I just want to get your picture. I will publish it and we will both be famous!" The ghost seemed to like the idea, and actually started posing for the camera. The photographer snapped several shots, and then hurried home to process his work. Unfortunately, all of the pictures came out underexposed and impossible to use. He was lamenting over his ruined work when his wife walked in and said "Are those the ghost pictures you were trying to get?" He replied, "No, unfortunately,-

Wait for it..

"the spirit was willing but the flash was weak.."

 

[sassyalice]

The Past, Present and The Future all walk into a bar.


It was Tense.

 

[Mark Derail]

Four guys have been to camping & scuba diving the site for years.

A few days before leaving, Frank's new wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going away that weekend. Frank's friends are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do?

Two days later, the three get up to the camping site and find Frank sitting there with a tent already set up, plenty of air tanks, firewood gathered, and dinner cooking on the fire.

"DAM, how long you been here, and how did you talk your wife into letting you go?"

"Well, Last night after you guys left, I was sitting in my Chair...pouting.......and my wife came up behind me......put her hands over my eyes and said, ‘Guess who?’

I turn around, and she was wearing a brand new see through nightie, took my hand and led me to the bedroom. There were candles and rose petals all over.

On the bed, she had some handcuffs! She told me to tie her up to the bed. Then she said,

"Go Ahead.........Do whatever you want."

So guys, Here I am !!!

 

[ScubaTigress]

Four guys have been to camping & scuba diving the site for years.

A few days before leaving, Frank's new wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going away that weekend. Frank's friends are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do?

Two days later, the three get up to the camping site and find Frank sitting there with a tent already set up, plenty of air tanks, firewood gathered, and dinner cooking on the fire.

"DAM, how long you been here, and how did you talk your wife into letting you go?"

"Well, Last night after you guys left, I was sitting in my Chair...pouting.......and my wife came up behind me......put her hands over my eyes and said, ‘Guess who?’

I turn around, and she was wearing a brand new see through nightie, took my hand and led me to the bedroom. There were candles and rose petals all over.

On the bed, she had some handcuffs! She told me to tie her up to the bed. Then she said,

"Go Ahead.........Do whatever you want."

So guys, Here I am !!!

BAM!!!! The diving always comes first, people! hehe

 

[nimoh]

BAM!!!! The diving always comes first, people! hehe

lmao, gotta remember that one

 

[pidgiepoo]

1 -How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
Marry It!
2 -What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A battery has a positive side.
3 - Why is the space between a woman's breasts and her hips called a waist?
Because you could easily fit another pair of tits in there..
4 - How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?
Put a nipple on it.
5 - Why do women fake orgasms ?
Because they think men care.
6 - What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?
Nothing, she's been told twice already.
7 - If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you done wrong?
Made her chain too long
8 - Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.
9 - Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
10 - Why do men pass gas more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.
11 - If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first ?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
12 - Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%..
It's called a Wedding Cake.
13 - Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.

 

[The Chairman]

 

[pidgiepoo]

With time, women gain weight because we ​

accumulate so much information and
wisdom in our heads that when there
is no more room, it distributes out
to the rest of our bodies. So we aren't
heavy, we are enormously cultured,
educated and happy.
Beginning today, when I look at my butt
in the mirror I will think, ​

“Good grief, look how smart I am!”​

​

Must be where “Smart Ass” came from!​

 

[ssidiv3r]