Recipe for Trouble: Pressuring a Diver to Make a Dive

[archer1960]

Obviously I don't know your wife's personality, but one possibility would be for her to go ahead and take the classroom part, and if she still feels uncomfortable, she can bail out before going into the water. Also, reminding her that you'll be right there to help if anything goes wrong, might be encouraging. I'm with you on trying not to look like you're pressuring her to go, though.

 

[DiverDownD3]

Yeah, I don't really care if we spend the money on the class and she gets into the classroom or pool part and says it's not for her. Selfishly, I would love for to try it, but I'm trying my best to be neutral with her.

 

[Storker]

So I'm having trouble with a situation with my wife. We are going to Puerto Rico next week for her birthday. When I originally planned the trip, she expressed interest in a discover scuba class. I was very excited about the idea, because it's an activity that I would like us both to do. She said she wanted me to join her for this dive and I wanted to get some other dives in myself. After calling around to a few dive shops, I found one that would meet both of our needs. I will go out and do a shore dive while she is getting her classroom brief and shallow water exercises. I will then come back in and join her and the DM for her dive at a shallow site.

As I tell her I am getting ready to call the shop to book the dives, she begins to tell me she has some doubts and that she is nervous about it. She seriously is on the fence, she really wants to do it but she is afraid. I have explained to her that the last thing I want is for her to feel like I am pressuring her into this, because that's just a recipe for a bad time. I want her to make this decision. She keeps asking for more info and what to expect, but at this point I feel like I have told her about everything I can. I can't explain it anymore, outside of her actually diving.

I really don't know what to do here. Any advice is appreciated.

Your situation reminds me a bit of my discussions with one of my sons.

In situations like this, it's important to know whether the other party is genuinely motivated for the activity, or if they're just trying to appease the other person. I'm of the (very!) firm belief that anyone who takes diving instruction has to want it. There are more than enough stories about partners (particularly gals) who embark on a diving instruction path just because their SO wants them to. Diving is a risky activity. And just like any other risky activity, the risk is exacerbated if the person who embarks on that activity isn't honestly motivated.

Back to my anecdote, I was seriously concerned that my son would take his OW class because he wanted to. If he wanted to, I'd be thrilled that he wanted to share my fascination with the underwater world and I'd love to dive with him. OTOH, if he took the OW class just because his dad wanted to, and dived just because his dad wanted him to do, we'd both be in a potentially sticky situation. After all, diving means that you're spending time in an environment that you're not equipped to tackle, and do you really want to do that with a person who doesn't really want to be there?

 

[DiverDownD3]

@Storker I agree completely with what you've said. Maybe I should just ask her point blank if she's trying this for her. If she hesitates or has to think about it, that would lead me to believe she's doing it for me. Just from the conversations we've had I think she truly is fascinated by the idea and wants to do it, she's just uncertain and nervous. In a way, I think that's good. She realizes that even though scuba diving is meant to be fun, it's also serious. Even the "easiest" dives can have terrible consequences if not treated with respect.

 

[Storker]

Maybe I should just ask her point blank if she's trying this for her.

If you have a healthy relationship, I think this is the best option there is.

 

[dumpsterDiver]

So I'm having trouble with a situation with my wife. We are going to Puerto Rico next week for her birthday. When I originally planned the trip, she expressed interest in a discover scuba class. I was very excited about the idea, because it's an activity that I would like us both to do. She said she wanted me to join her for this dive and I wanted to get some other dives in myself. After calling around to a few dive shops, I found one that would meet both of our needs. I will go out and do a shore dive while she is getting her classroom brief and shallow water exercises. I will then come back in and join her and the DM for her dive at a shallow site.

As I tell her I am getting ready to call the shop to book the dives, she begins to tell me she has some doubts and that she is nervous about it. She seriously is on the fence, she really wants to do it but she is afraid. I have explained to her that the last thing I want is for her to feel like I am pressuring her into this, because that's just a recipe for a bad time. I want her to make this decision. She keeps asking for more info and what to expect, but at this point I feel like I have told her about everything I can. I can't explain it anymore, outside of her actually diving.

I really don't know what to do here. Any advice is appreciated.

I would take her to a pool with mask fins and snorkel and see if she can clear her ears, clear her mask, dive 12 feet deep, swim with a good stroke using fins. Within an hour or so, I think she will either be encouraged by her success or her apprehension about scuba will be increased. Sucking in and out on a scuba tank is really very, very easy - easier than snorkel diving..

 

[Freewillow]

@Mark Ingrassia. 2 remarks on your opening statement:

Very interesting story. Thank you for sharing this with us.

I read the 5 pages and could not find anyone asking why the liveboard dive responsible allowed a diver that has only dived to 30' to a dive @ 130 feet? What was the level of the lady diver.

The second has to do with " bolting to the surface without any safety stop". While "bolting to the surface" can be really dangerous, a "safety stop" in these circumbstances was quite useless.

 

[cephalopod2]

I would take her to a pool with mask fins and snorkel and see if she can clear her ears, clear her mask, dive 12 feet deep, swim with a good stroke using fins. Within an hour or so, I think she will either be encouraged by her success or her apprehension about scuba will be increased. Sucking in and out on a scuba tank is really very, very easy - easier than snorkel diving..

+1. If the pool session goes well, I would try some ocean snorkeling after that, before the DSD (if you two haven't gone snorkeling already). This is the progression I went through with a friend. Have the pool time and ocean snorkeling spaced days apart if you can. I 'm not sure the ability to clear her ears while free diving is necessary at this stage. If she's not an experienced swimmer or free diver it may be easier to leave that part to diving where she won't be pressured to equalize so quickly. I've met several newly certified divers who are still working out their equalizing - that skill may need more time and practice.

 

[DiverDownD3]

Wife and I did snorkeling when we were in Mexico years ago for our honeymoon. There was no issues there. Anyway, she did decide to give it a try. She reassured me that she wants to try this for her and not me. I reassured her that there is no pressure to make the dive. If we get in the classroom/pool session and she decides it's not for her. We will abort the dive and enjoy the rest of our vacation.