Wife is sometimes a bad buddy

[DivingCRNA]

Here is my dilema....

My wife is fun, smart, and does a great job with the kids. REALLY!

But....

Diving in low vis freshwater with her SUCKS SUCKS SUCKS. She loves to dive the ocean, but we go every 2 years or so. So she never wants to dive unless it is in the ocean.

I have been trying to get her to lake dive to practice for an ocean trip, but it sucks. She will not swim next to me, she will only follow me-I cannot see her behind me. Then she gets lost and surfaces. I wear a 7 mm wetsuit in freshwater lakes and mines because it is cold below the 'cline. Constantly surfacing to find her gets me really overheated and sucks.

So, I have figured out I am NOT gonna fix her low vis diving problem. She is uncomfortable and she bugs the crap out of me surfacing because she is uncomfortable. She says she feels claustraphobic in the low vis.

Here is the question: I want to still dive the lakes and mines. I think it is fun. Is it safe for her to only ocean dive every year or two and take a pool refresher before trips, or should she stop diving if she is gonna refuse to dive the lakes?

Thanks,

Don

 

[boomx5]

I would get her some better training so you don't have to toss her under the bus on the internet any more.

 

[Snowbear]

She will not swim next to me, she will only follow me-I cannot see her behind me. Then she gets lost and surfaces.

Sounds like she's getting "lost" 'cause you end up swimming away from her. So..... why don't *you* try swimming next to *her*? Since you're such an awesome diver, you should be able to slow down to her pace and stop if she stops. That way the only way she can get behind you is if she swims backwards

So, I have figured out I am NOT gonna fix her low vis diving problem. She is uncomfortable and she bugs the crap out of me surfacing because she is uncomfortable. She says she feels claustraphobic in the low vis.

I can relate.... she is uncomfortable, her buddy swims away from her in low viz, she gets more uncomfortable as she is now alone and "lost" so she follows her training and surfaces!

Here is the question: I want to still dive the lakes and mines. I think it is fun. Is it safe for her to only ocean dive every year or two and take a pool refresher before trips, or should she stop diving if she is gonna refuse to dive the lakes?

I gotta say that if she is willing to dive the low viz, you may need to be willing to support her in getting the training of which boomX speaks.... Proper preparation and a supportive buddy go a LONG way toward increasing comfort in low-viz cold water.

 

[ChrisA]

Where do you live? You say you can only get to the ocean every couple years.
That's a long time. Maybe what you mean is you can only afford to fly to a five star resort and stay a week only every coule years. A Value Jet flight to Florida and a stay at the Motel 6 and dive off the beach is cheap. Then you can comeout to California and put your 7mm wetsuit to use. Diving here is just parking change and air fills.

As for diving near home. Let her lead. You follow. Then she can't loose you.

My opinion is that you can't be god at anything you do once every few years but of course inexperianced divers can be safe. Everyone was fresh out of OWclass at one time and most don't die right away. The trouble is your wife wil be a beginning diver and require suppervision on every trip.

Here is my dilema....

My wife is fun, smart, and does a great job with the kids. REALLY!

But....

Diving in low vis freshwater with her SUCKS SUCKS SUCKS. She loves to dive the ocean, but we go every 2 years or so. So she never wants to dive unless it is in the ocean.

I have been trying to get her to lake dive to practice for an ocean trip, but it sucks. She will not swim next to me, she will only follow me-I cannot see her behind me. Then she gets lost and surfaces. I wear a 7 mm wetsuit in freshwater lakes and mines because it is cold below the 'cline. Constantly surfacing to find her gets me really overheated and sucks.

So, I have figured out I am NOT gonna fix her low vis diving problem. She is uncomfortable and she bugs the crap out of me surfacing because she is uncomfortable. She says she feels claustraphobic in the low vis.

Here is the question: I want to still dive the lakes and mines. I think it is fun. Is it safe for her to only ocean dive every year or two and take a pool refresher before trips, or should she stop diving if she is gonna refuse to dive the lakes?

Thanks,

Don

 

[mrobinson]

Well, I'm glad you're asking for help. I sense in your description something I can relate too. My husband thought as you did, in a little more sensitive manner. We realized the real issue was buddy awareness. I didn't need him holding my hand, but I needed more true eye contact - one that looks in my eyes, sees I'm ok, but asks anyways and waits for confirmation. When I took the DIRF, it was amplified why. Another way to be in constant buddy contact is with a HID. If you both have one, you can know everything is in order. Please feel free to ask more if there's anything else you might want to know about.
I'm sure you're thinking you are a great buddy. Take a course like DIRF to confirm it, I dare you.

 

[Rick Inman]

... will not swim next to me... will only follow me ... gets lost and surfaces... ... feels claustraphobic in the low vis.

Sounds like half the people I dive with who are not my wife, and I don't mind being as patient with these people as other divers once were with me.

 

[Ana]

Here is my dilema....

My wife is fun, smart, and does a great job with the kids. REALLY!

But....

blah blah blah

or should she stop diving if she is gonna refuse to dive the lakes?


Don

before anymore diving in conditions she doesn't care for, she should see this nicely written post about her.
If you are correct about her being smart there may be a few more things she'll refuse.

 

[H2Andy]

or should she stop diving if she is gonna refuse to dive the lakes?

sounds like you want to tell her "you either dive the lakes with me or you dont'
dive at all."

look... if she's not comfortable diving the lakes with you, she's not comfortable
diving the lakes with you.

if she enjoys ocean diving, then enjoy it with her. take a pool refresher course
like you said, before hand, if it will make HER feel better.

i don't mean any offense, but this sounds like an control issue for you. you
need to respect her boundries.

that said, if she can't dive as a buddy with you (you say she will only follow
you, that she will not swim where you can see her), then you need a different
buddy.

maybe diving in low vis is not your wife's thing. you gotta respect that.

 

[limeyx]

Here is my dilema....

My wife is fun, smart, and does a great job with the kids. REALLY!

But....

Diving in low vis freshwater with her SUCKS SUCKS SUCKS. She loves to dive the ocean, but we go every 2 years or so. So she never wants to dive unless it is in the ocean.

I have been trying to get her to lake dive to practice for an ocean trip, but it sucks. She will not swim next to me, she will only follow me-I cannot see her behind me. Then she gets lost and surfaces. I wear a 7 mm wetsuit in freshwater lakes and mines because it is cold below the 'cline. Constantly surfacing to find her gets me really overheated and sucks.

So, I have figured out I am NOT gonna fix her low vis diving problem. She is uncomfortable and she bugs the crap out of me surfacing because she is uncomfortable. She says she feels claustraphobic in the low vis.

Here is the question: I want to still dive the lakes and mines. I think it is fun. Is it safe for her to only ocean dive every year or two and take a pool refresher before trips, or should she stop diving if she is gonna refuse to dive the lakes?

Thanks,

Don

It is guy in front's job to make sure guy(girl) behind them doesn't get left behind.

 

[Louie]

Don,

You need to find a new buddy for diving the lakes.

Your wife needs to find dives she enjoys.

Everyone, please ask yourself:

What is the point of being accompanied (on an activity you very much enjoy) by someone who is reluctant, fearful - or worse - even resentful?

Why would you want to spend time and money doing something that is not something you enjoy?