I agree!Louie:
That's a relationship issue for sure! I agree too!Louie:
But do you really lose if it's on dive equipment?Louie:
Wife is sometimes a bad buddy
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Sounds like you need to reassess your buddy skills. Seriously, why don't you tell us how your post-dive analysis discussion goes. If you're not having one, that's a problem. And if it's a one-sided discussion where you're trying to be the "expert" and she the "student," that's not right either.
It sounds as if you guys have a lot of work to do as a buddy pair, and I bet there are a lot of shortcomings in the ocean as well if you really analyze your behavior.
Jim
It sounds as if you guys have a lot of work to do as a buddy pair, and I bet there are a lot of shortcomings in the ocean as well if you really analyze your behavior.
Jim
I have some questions.
What are you doing during the dives?
If you are there just swimming burning gas and she wants to be looking at cool stuff, there is your disconnect.
In clear, high vis ocean water she can likely see enough to be happy even while moving.
In low vis I find it much better to stop and look at everything that can be seen in one place and only then move. While stopped you can be in position to both look at the same things and can look in each others eyes to check for comfort level.
Rarely are buddy problems all the result of one party. Usually it is a bad buddy TEAM more than a simgular bad buddy.
Additional training in low vis and possibly changing and adjusting the goals of the dive may solve the problem without getting drastic.
Do you discuss the plan for the dive before getting in the water?
Do you consider changing the plan after a lost buddy incident?
If the team breaks during the dive the plan is not really working and it may be time for a new plan.
Try this, get some PVC (1/2 is fine) and make a square 1' on each side. Drill holes so it fills with water and sinks. Take this on a dive and when you reach the bottom place it down. Now make a list of everything you can see in the square and also the things you can't identify. This is a team effort with both buddies looking, pointing and writing down things to jog the memory back on the surface. Between dives research to learn the identy of the things you didn't know.
This gives you something to do together interactively both during the dive and between dives. It makes the dives more fun and adds more fun to the surface interval.
The answer is probably more communication and interaction, not less.
What are you doing during the dives?
If you are there just swimming burning gas and she wants to be looking at cool stuff, there is your disconnect.
In clear, high vis ocean water she can likely see enough to be happy even while moving.
In low vis I find it much better to stop and look at everything that can be seen in one place and only then move. While stopped you can be in position to both look at the same things and can look in each others eyes to check for comfort level.
Rarely are buddy problems all the result of one party. Usually it is a bad buddy TEAM more than a simgular bad buddy.
Additional training in low vis and possibly changing and adjusting the goals of the dive may solve the problem without getting drastic.
Do you discuss the plan for the dive before getting in the water?
Do you consider changing the plan after a lost buddy incident?
If the team breaks during the dive the plan is not really working and it may be time for a new plan.
Try this, get some PVC (1/2 is fine) and make a square 1' on each side. Drill holes so it fills with water and sinks. Take this on a dive and when you reach the bottom place it down. Now make a list of everything you can see in the square and also the things you can't identify. This is a team effort with both buddies looking, pointing and writing down things to jog the memory back on the surface. Between dives research to learn the identy of the things you didn't know.
This gives you something to do together interactively both during the dive and between dives. It makes the dives more fun and adds more fun to the surface interval.
The answer is probably more communication and interaction, not less.
Louie makes a point that I'll take a step further.....
Does she like to dive or is she doing it "for you"?
If she's doing it just for you then give it a rest. If she really wants to be diving locally then get her some low vis dive training a good light and you be a better buddy. When my wife is showing trepidation I have her lead and set the pace. Working the compass takes her mind off her concern and she does well. I know I can keep her off to my side.
Maybe I'm spoiled here in Vacaionland with decent fresh and warm water diving despite some cold seasons but there must be some decent water in your part of the CST (hint, fatten your profile).
Dive every 2 years? I may be setting my self up for a flaming but I [ersonally can't see how anybody even with a "refresher" can be a safe competent diver and buddy when partcipating in the sport at that interval.
In fresh water we don't have as much eye candy. Slow swimming along the bottom seems to be the most rewarding and I think that sort of detail works best for females, let her st the pace and don't rush things. It may be all about artifacts and boulders instead of giant groupers and manta ratys but she's still enjoying diving in a 3 dimesional envionment that only a small group of humans are trained to do. She's gone this far help her find the rest of the magic.
Pete
Does she like to dive or is she doing it "for you"?
If she's doing it just for you then give it a rest. If she really wants to be diving locally then get her some low vis dive training a good light and you be a better buddy. When my wife is showing trepidation I have her lead and set the pace. Working the compass takes her mind off her concern and she does well. I know I can keep her off to my side.
Maybe I'm spoiled here in Vacaionland with decent fresh and warm water diving despite some cold seasons but there must be some decent water in your part of the CST (hint, fatten your profile).
Dive every 2 years? I may be setting my self up for a flaming but I [ersonally can't see how anybody even with a "refresher" can be a safe competent diver and buddy when partcipating in the sport at that interval.
In fresh water we don't have as much eye candy. Slow swimming along the bottom seems to be the most rewarding and I think that sort of detail works best for females, let her st the pace and don't rush things. It may be all about artifacts and boulders instead of giant groupers and manta ratys but she's still enjoying diving in a 3 dimesional envionment that only a small group of humans are trained to do. She's gone this far help her find the rest of the magic.
Pete
OP
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You guys do not get it.
I found out yesterday that she DOES NOT WANT to be in the low viz lake. She comes because I tell her she needs to practice before going to the ocean so she is aware of things like her depth, etc....
She gets to be a totally different person at the lake. She says she does not want to dive in cold water and low viz. And that is why she is such a different diver in the lake.
If I swim next to her we do tight circles in the same spot because she will not listen because she is uncomfortable. Do you honestly think I didn't think of that? Interestingly we have the oposite issue in the ocean. There is so much she wants to look at that she swims away from me all the time. I am one of those divers that slowly plods along.
I do NOT thik i am "such and awesome diver". I just wanted to know if it is safe for her to dive the ocean every so often with a refresher in the pool, like SHE WANTS. But if you want to trash me instead, have fun.
Don
I found out yesterday that she DOES NOT WANT to be in the low viz lake. She comes because I tell her she needs to practice before going to the ocean so she is aware of things like her depth, etc....
She gets to be a totally different person at the lake. She says she does not want to dive in cold water and low viz. And that is why she is such a different diver in the lake.
If I swim next to her we do tight circles in the same spot because she will not listen because she is uncomfortable. Do you honestly think I didn't think of that? Interestingly we have the oposite issue in the ocean. There is so much she wants to look at that she swims away from me all the time. I am one of those divers that slowly plods along.
I do NOT thik i am "such and awesome diver". I just wanted to know if it is safe for her to dive the ocean every so often with a refresher in the pool, like SHE WANTS. But if you want to trash me instead, have fun.
Don
Snowbear:Sounds like she's getting "lost" 'cause you end up swimming away from her. So..... why don't *you* try swimming next to *her*? Since you're such an awesome diver, you should be able to slow down to her pace and stop if she stops. That way the only way she can get behind you is if she swims backwards
I can relate.... she is uncomfortable, her buddy swims away from her in low viz, she gets more uncomfortable as she is now alone and "lost" so she follows her training and surfaces!
I gotta say that if she is willing to dive the low viz, you may need to be willing to support her in getting the training of which boomX speaks.... Proper preparation and a supportive buddy go a LONG way toward increasing comfort in low-viz cold water.
OP
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Chris,
We are in BFE Missouri. We have a 5 year old and a 1 year old. It takes a day to get to florida from here. The quickie valuejet (which I do not think even flys into the airports near here) is not much of an option. Florida is a two connection flight from here.
And then what do we do with the kids.
So, no, it is not a five star issue. The place we are going in Mexico is around 3 stars with a dock.
We were closer to the ocean when we lived in Minneapolis than in this travel black hole.
Don
We are in BFE Missouri. We have a 5 year old and a 1 year old. It takes a day to get to florida from here. The quickie valuejet (which I do not think even flys into the airports near here) is not much of an option. Florida is a two connection flight from here.
And then what do we do with the kids.
So, no, it is not a five star issue. The place we are going in Mexico is around 3 stars with a dock.
We were closer to the ocean when we lived in Minneapolis than in this travel black hole.
Don
ChrisA:
lord1234
Contributor
divorce....is the solution.
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