Advantages/Disadvantages to your buddy being a family member

[EFB]

I was just curious what those of you who have been diving think about this. Do you usually know your buddy well? Is it a family member?

My hubby was my buddy during the one brief dive I have done. There's nothing I wouldn't do to keep this guy safe, but I wouldn't feel the same about some random person I was paired with on a boat. Granted, if I decided to dive, I have decided to be a good buddy...just it gets me to thinking. Is your judgement cloudy when your buddy is someone you love?

TIA

 

[TSandM]

I don't know if your judgment is cloudy, but the dynamics of your relationship follow you into the water, and that isn't always constructive. If one person tends to be dominant, that person will likely lead all the dives, make all the decisions, and allow the other person to be passive. That's great, right up until the time when the dominant person is either incapacitated for some reason, or is making a major mistake. Then you have two people in a lot of trouble.

In addition, when there are differences of opinion in diving, relationship dynamics may make people behave differently than they would in a more neutral setting. I'm talking about one spouse refusing to change something as much because it's their wife/husband suggesting it as because they're wedded to the original idea.

Having a diving spouse is great for ensuring you always have a known buddy, but it isn't always a recipe for smooth sailing!

 

[Kenny13]

I don't know if your judgment is cloudy, but the dynamics of your relationship follow you into the water, and that isn't always constructive. If one person tends to be dominant, that person will likely lead all the dives, make all the decisions, and allow the other person to be passive. That's great, right up until the time when the dominant person is either incapacitated for some reason, or is making a major mistake. Then you have two people in a lot of trouble.

In addition, when there are differences of opinion in diving, relationship dynamics may make people behave differently than they would in a more neutral setting. I'm talking about one spouse refusing to change something as much because it's their wife/husband suggesting it as because they're wedded to the original idea.

Having a diving spouse is great for ensuring you always have a known buddy, but it isn't always a recipe for smooth sailing!

I dive with my son and my son-in-law, which is great but I find that they usually have that tendency to naturally let me lead while they follow. My son more so than my son-in-law. One of the things I've been wanting to focus on the next time we get to go diving is have them take a more active role, and even take the lead when we go through our pre-dive planning and the dive itself. I don't want them to feel like they always have to follow me, and I certainly want them to be prepared to be more active in the leadership role. I believe they're both more than capable to do so.

 

[GrumpyOldGuy]

I dive with my sons and also with instant buddies on a boat and solo.
Diving with the sons beats the other 2 hands down, its a lot more enjoyable.
I do have to push them a bit to take lead on some dives, just part of being a dad.
I don't feel it clouds my judgement at all although I would be quicker to tell a buddy to find someone else next dive if they have safety issues.

 

[JBRES1]

I rather dive with a non family member dive buddy.
My 21 yr old daughter is my vacation dive buddy, and those dives cost me 2x as much as normal.
I worry about her more than I would a non family member. My wife told me, " if Sara doesn't come back don't bother coming back either"
I have to be nicer to her than I would a non family buddy.

In a nut shell its all about me. My comfort level is higher when its not a family member.
I just worry too much to enjoy the dive.

Jim Breslin

 

[DivemasterDennis]

My primary dive buddy is my wife Debbie. She has never done a dive, including her training dives, without me. She defers to me, as I am the insured professional and have more experience, but she is a terrific diver and I prefer diving with her. When I am diving without her, I dive with a person I know if they are around. If I am otherwise alone, I tend to pair up with someone who by their actions and equipment and size seems compatible. Sometime I let the boat crew pair me up. I like diving with someone that I know and am familiar with, even if just barely familiar. When buddied with a stranger, I make a point to talk with them and learn their skill and experience level, last dive, equipment and releases, and any issues they have. I sahe the same about me with them, all before we do our first dive. By the time we have that conversation, even if its a 5 minute conversation, we aren't strangers anymore.
DivemasterDennis

 

[Rubberhead]

My wife and I are buddies and we love having a major argument underwater, funny how it always comes down to a single finger jesture! lol

 

[tddfleming]

I have to say that while I have no real experience diving with strangers or anyone not related other than class related. There are days when I would prefer to. Both my husband and daughter are my dive buddies. Deep breath.... Daughter is great, wonderful, a real buddy, a head of the game. Husband, how can I say this, well, he is just bossy. I would rather dive with daughter any day of the week. While husband is bossy, I am hard headed, and we clash like vinager and oil sometimes. The nice thing about him is he allows me develop my own style, does not hover over me, I do not depend on him and he does not depend on me. Which I think allows us to learn to be better in our own sense. He likes to do tasks while diving. Daughter and I just like to look around. I think it is important to try and find a happy med. between what one likes to do and what your buddy likes to do. But I do not relax much when daughter is with us, always worrying about her.

After each dive, we try to figure out how best to deal with any issues that arise due to him not listening to me. Now he just knows better and he follows me.

 

[Bubbletrubble]

It's natural to care more for a dive buddy who happens to be a family member or good friend.
As long as those personal feelings lead you to make more conservative diving decisions, I don't see too many disadvantages to it.
I'll admit, however, that I'd probably be willing to risk more to effect a rescue of a loved one. That could be an issue if the circumstances are dire. For this reason, I do everything I can to prevent a minor issue from escalating to a major one. This means being very disciplined when it comes to gear maintenance, pre-dive safety tests, buddy checks, and making good decisions underwater.

My favorite buddy is my girlfriend, but if she's not available for a dive, I'll go diving with other buddies anyway. She feels exactly the same way.

If you and your family member or significant other (SO) are rather new to diving, I highly recommend that each of you plan/conduct dives with others as part of your ongoing training.

I've witnessed married couples/SOs where one buddy (usually the female) is less experienced and dives exclusively with the husband/father/boyfriend. It can work sometimes, but I've seen several examples of unnecessary drama occurring under such circumstances. IMO, the development of the less experienced diver into an independent, confident, competent diver is severely hindered by this situation.

Diving with non-family members, strangers, or other dive acquaintances teaches a beginning diver to take nothing for granted. The diver learns to function more independently. The importance of pre-dive planning and systematic buddy checks is ingrained. The novice also gets valuable experience with assembly/disassembly of gear in addition to troubleshooting of minor issues.

Dive with others. Encourage your SO/family member to do the same. You'll appreciate diving with each other more in the long run.

 

[rhwestfall]

I tend to sit back and let my wife lead. I'm there for her, but do wonder if she is up to the task of being there for me????? I am much more experienced than he in regards to diving and training. It has been a very subtle push to her to get more training, but only time will tell if that route is chosen. We both have the perspective that it takes time at each level of training to absorb what is necessary before moving on to advanced training.