BigWhiteSquare
Contributor
devolution365:
Yes, you're a brat... for messin' up a good thing!
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Am I a brat?
- Thread starter devolution365
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Yes, you're a brat... for messin' up a good thing!
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OP
devolution365
Contributor
Yeah, well as un-romantic as it is, what spurred the wedding on was the fact that if we were married I could get health insurance through his work for half of what it costs me through my job right now. On top of that our car insurance could be combined, etc, etc. It just seemed like a good idea at the time. Now, you're right, I think we woulda been better off just continuing to live in sin
...of course then I would have never seen my 80+ year old Grandma with arthritic knees actually jump for joy upon our announcing our plans to get married!
...of course then I would have never seen my 80+ year old Grandma with arthritic knees actually jump for joy upon our announcing our plans to get married!
seakdivers
Guest
Wow - Erica I was in your exact shoes this summer. From the time my (now) husband proposed until the wedding was over with, we were constantly barraged with opinions from "well wishing" family members & friends. We couldn't get over how political the whole thing was. "we have to invite so & so because we invited the other so & sos and we don't want hurt feelings". Nevermind that I didn't even know who so & so #1 or #2 was. Or "I hope you don't mind that I invited my friend's cousin's grandmother". Gads.
I knew my friends/ family were going to do a shower for me whether I wanted it or not (just like you, I hate being the center of attention). There were the daily calls "have you registered anywhere yet?".... "you really need to register at a few places".... "people are calling - I need to tell them what you want/ need".
I was in the same boat as you - I had been living with my husband for 5 years, and we really didn't need anything, so finding things to register for was hard.
I told them flat out that if they were even dreaming of having any of those stupid shower games, that I would not be coming to the party. Period.
I felt like my personal life was being invaded constantly, so I ended up wording my invitations so that nobody was invited to the ceremony (other than the people I chose), but that they were welcome to come to the reception. I just couldn't handle being on display for a huge crowd of people, most of which I didn't really know.
I totally understand your frustration.
Don't let them control your plans, don't let them make you crazy.... and it will all turn out just fine.
P.S. Both of my grandmas jumped for joy too!! Lol... we had them be our witnesses at the wedding. It's kinda cool to have our marriage certificate signed by my grandmas.
I knew my friends/ family were going to do a shower for me whether I wanted it or not (just like you, I hate being the center of attention). There were the daily calls "have you registered anywhere yet?".... "you really need to register at a few places".... "people are calling - I need to tell them what you want/ need".
I was in the same boat as you - I had been living with my husband for 5 years, and we really didn't need anything, so finding things to register for was hard.
I told them flat out that if they were even dreaming of having any of those stupid shower games, that I would not be coming to the party. Period.
I felt like my personal life was being invaded constantly, so I ended up wording my invitations so that nobody was invited to the ceremony (other than the people I chose), but that they were welcome to come to the reception. I just couldn't handle being on display for a huge crowd of people, most of which I didn't really know.
I totally understand your frustration.
Don't let them control your plans, don't let them make you crazy.... and it will all turn out just fine.
P.S. Both of my grandmas jumped for joy too!! Lol... we had them be our witnesses at the wedding. It's kinda cool to have our marriage certificate signed by my grandmas.
cheesydiver
New
This is my first post, normally I just lurk but I have to put my 2cents worth in.
I have been married twice once in a huge church wedding and the other in Vegas, neither one was better than the other. I had no control on the church one neither did my wife, we just rode the wave and enjoyed the event that lasted quite a while that included showers and parties for groom and bride seperately and together.
The Vegas one was just different, it was fun and exactly what my wife wanted, I paid for her sister and mother to go and I had my best friend there with me. My wife and I controled all facets of the event including the celebration party after we got back. It was almost stress free (MIL and SIL weren't the happiest). My wife does not regret her decision to this day.
To tell the truth the most memories are from the church affair, considering that it was completely out of our hands it was the most stressful yet memorable and enjoyable day of my life to date (not counting the two births of my kids).
As a guy I can only relate from the male persective and that is "This to shall pass". I have to say that neither one of my marriages were based on that one event, I am still married to my second wife after 13yrs and I probably would have been married to my first wife (22yrs) if she hadn't died. Just be grateful that you have people that care enough to help you celebrate. I mean this benignly and without malice.
Please do not welcome me nor attack as I have a thyroid condition and may not be able to take it. Thank you in advance.
I have been married twice once in a huge church wedding and the other in Vegas, neither one was better than the other. I had no control on the church one neither did my wife, we just rode the wave and enjoyed the event that lasted quite a while that included showers and parties for groom and bride seperately and together.
The Vegas one was just different, it was fun and exactly what my wife wanted, I paid for her sister and mother to go and I had my best friend there with me. My wife and I controled all facets of the event including the celebration party after we got back. It was almost stress free (MIL and SIL weren't the happiest). My wife does not regret her decision to this day.
To tell the truth the most memories are from the church affair, considering that it was completely out of our hands it was the most stressful yet memorable and enjoyable day of my life to date (not counting the two births of my kids).
As a guy I can only relate from the male persective and that is "This to shall pass". I have to say that neither one of my marriages were based on that one event, I am still married to my second wife after 13yrs and I probably would have been married to my first wife (22yrs) if she hadn't died. Just be grateful that you have people that care enough to help you celebrate. I mean this benignly and without malice.
Please do not welcome me nor attack as I have a thyroid condition and may not be able to take it. Thank you in advance.
OP
devolution365
Contributor
cheesydiver: Yes, if I put it all in perspective, a year from now we'll be married and this silly drama will have been put behind us. If the momentum of the shower can't be stopped, this is the attitude I'll just have to adopt this attitude and I'll just try my best to ride it out. No matter what happens in the next couple months, I have no doubt that my relationship with my fiance will survive.
Unfortunately, the same can't be said for my relationship with my mother...
Oh, and I don't want to cause your thyroid any undo stress, but how about at least a ((little)) welcome:
Welcome to the board cheesydiver!
Unfortunately, the same can't be said for my relationship with my mother...
Oh, and I don't want to cause your thyroid any undo stress, but how about at least a ((little)) welcome:
Welcome to the board cheesydiver!
Missdirected
Contributor
devolution365:
That was cute Devolution.
almitywife
Vegemite Mod
devolution365:
i suppose most mums, after giving birth to a beautiful little girl, thinks about her wedding day, her dress and the day and how wonderful it will be... fortunately my mum was so thrilled when i finally landed a hubby she gave us a cheque for $10grand and said "go get married in Fiji".
just ride this out and try to remain calm, all else fails, i hear st johns wart is a good natural relaxant you might want to try
Cheesydiver - i too have thyroid problems (graves disease) so can we start our own special thread??
Neither of my wives had a shower. If my fiance now and I decide to get hitched it will be completely out of my hands. I know this and accept it. I know my bachelor party will be hard for some to attend since not all my friends dive. Just hope the ones that do get a couple mermaids to make an appearance. Why does it have to be such a big thing anyway? If they start playing those stupid games get up and leave. Register at scubatoys or your lds. We actually do have a registry for gifts. Family not sure what to get you for birthday or xmas go to lds and ask them. It's what I did last year for xmas. My fiance asked me every year what did I want. Nothing, I said, whatever you get is fine. Then I got certified and boy did that change. So instead of Aunt Martha getting you a blender you get a new primary light, or bughunter gloves. Instead of that 400 dollar china set a NEW REG! yeah. My first wife's mother insisted on two ceremonies because we went non-denominational. She had to have a rabbi. I agreed. the second time got hitched by a judge then had to go thru it with a priest after all their mumbo-jumbo about the first one(annullment hogwash). I went along this time also. And I'll probably go along with whatever this one turns out to be, why because it's not about the families in the end. it's about she and I and how it will be afterwards. If appeasing the inlaws (outlaws some of them) makes it easier for us I can live with that as long as it makes her happy. Ans it's only one day in the case of a shower. If they put a bow on yer noggin so what? Just be sure to post a pic of it here. We won't laugh, honestly!
Zeeman
Contributor
i'm with you - Erica - I hate being made a fuss over, and go through the same thing every year come my birthday, Christmas or any other such event. I don't "need" or "want anything, and anything I do want, I couldn't possibly ask someone else to buy for me - the list usually involves expensive motocycle, diving or skiing stuff. Or overseas trips.
I don't think you're a bratt at all, just behaving according to your nature. I don't think "not wanting presents" is bratty... I thought it was the other way around.
Z...
I don't think you're a bratt at all, just behaving according to your nature. I don't think "not wanting presents" is bratty... I thought it was the other way around.
Z...
OP
devolution365
Contributor
Thanks for the advice everyone. I think what I'm going to try to do is convince my Mom (and Aunts if need be) that instead of a shower before the wedding, either my Mom or I will host a reception party after we get back. That way those who aren't able to make it still feel involved, no gifts are expected at receptions (per the etiquette sites you directed me to), and no games will be played. Perfect solution? I hope so... We'll have to see if I can get the relatives to go along...
And Zeeman: Yeah, if I asked for what I really wanted I'd have asked for car parts for Xmas the last couple of years (I autocross). Hmm... Suspension, brakes, racing seat, carrier bearings and the transfer case they destroyed (doh!). :11:
Thanks again for all the support. If nothing else I got the attitude adjustment I needed. It'll all be over with in less than 3 months. Then my fiance and I can get on with our lives.
And Zeeman: Yeah, if I asked for what I really wanted I'd have asked for car parts for Xmas the last couple of years (I autocross). Hmm... Suspension, brakes, racing seat, carrier bearings and the transfer case they destroyed (doh!). :11:
Thanks again for all the support. If nothing else I got the attitude adjustment I needed. It'll all be over with in less than 3 months. Then my fiance and I can get on with our lives.
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