Etiquette of “NO, you are not diving with us”

[Scubageezer]

Another response I like is "I'm sorry, but we'd prefer to keep our buddy team intact for this dive. We can't add a buddy today."

Don't let yourself feel pressured or bullied into taking on someone else. Unless you're being paid for the thrill of escorting other divers, you pick your buddies. IMHO, if you show up at a dive site without a buddy, you'd better be prepared to dive solo or, if there is no one willing to dive with you, go home....

This is very similar to the approach that I take. Northeastwrecks is spot on advising that you not allow yourself to be bullied. You sound like a nice person who doesn't want to hurt anyone's feelings but maybe better that than getting into a situation that you don't want.

I know I'm a bit selfish when it comes to my diving - life's too damned short to have it anything but enjoyable. One of the things in our control to make it enjoyable is who we dive with. Don't give it up. Happy diving!

 

[wedivebc]

This is one of those rare occasions, where being DIR would have MAJOR advantages.

"...dude, that's not a 7ft hose. Is that a COMPUTER on your wrist? Sorry man, we're DIR and we don't dive with... well you know!"

I don't get it. Can you explain this?

 

[Diver0001]

I don't get it. Can you explain this?

He's saying that being an arrogant **** has it's advantages.

R..

 

[piikki]

>I'm reading this right?<

Please ask if I express myself unclear – English is not my native language.

>In the third paragraph you also left him sitting there alone when he indicated that he had a problem.
And in the last paragraph you're irritated that he abandoned you.
Don't get me wrong but you abandoned a buddy with problems in paragraph 3 and you're irritated that he wasn't where you "parked" him in paragraph 5.....<

I think you probably understood right. He was behind me (as he was not ‘allowing’ me dive shoulder-to-shoulder), so I was turned back to attend to him when he indicated something was not right. I am not sure if he understood that I wanted him to wait, and that I will be back. Maybe he though I said ‘bye-bye’? All, I can say is that we had strongly pressed that do not vanish without clearly indicating. Since we did not go through many signs it was enraging that this would have slipped his mind. At no point did he request help (like tighten something).

‘Parking’ is indeed what I wanted to do with him. At that moment, I nor him could see the boat - I could see my buddy struggling with the line only by taking one good kick. There is a question if she should have pushed to go tying up or just turned back to us right away. However, there was also some good reasoning trying to get that entanglement hazard off our rookie hands.

I am pretty sure the guy did not understand the wait sign or was so distressed at that point he had to go. We were in 50 ft of water and in thermocline, if he had mask clearing problems and possibly ear trouble it was not a pleasant place, especially viz reduced to 5ft. He could not have been totally freaked out since he signed his plan and obviously stuck to it. The unfortunate thing for him is that as the middle man, I kept my buddy a priority and since for a moment I did not know she vanished from my sights because of the tying task I turned my back to this guy to make sure my buddy was not gone altogether. Meanwhile, whatever conclusions he made, one of them was not to keep sight of me or keep position so I could find him - which is what I am used to. But people are different, my judgement was that he was not panicking and could have waited those few seconds for us to regroup. I was wrong.

 

[Diver0001]

‘Parking’ is indeed what I wanted to do with him.

<snip>

my judgement was that he was not panicking and could have waited those few seconds for us to regroup. I was wrong.

I understand what you were trying to do. I think in the future you should avoid "parking" someone who indicates that they have a problem. Panic (or other escalating problems) can develop very rapidly. When someone indicates that they have a problem then you should assume they need your help and give them priority #1. Never leave them alone until the problem is sorted out. Escort them to the surface if necessary and so on.

Your buddy team also had serious and not easily solved buddy-contact problems. Dry-suit boy was falling behind and wanted to follow you (as opposed to swiming with you) and your girlfriend wasn't paying attention to anything except herself. You seem to be the only one who had the big picture. In an experienced buddy team regrouping would have been unnecessary. All three buddies would have had the big picture. I think this is something you need to discuss with your girlfriend.

And finally, I want to stress what a couple of the others said. Three person teams can work but you should never feel obligated to dive with anyone. If your intuition says no then say it out loud and be done with it.

R..

P.S. what is your native language....just curious.

 

[piikki]

Diver0001 -

I don't think I'd quite pass as fluent in Dutch even though knowing English, German and Swedish seemed to get me quite far figuring it out there. I am originally, say north from you - north a good ways and east not across too many borders.

 

[Diver0001]

Estonian?

R..

 

[piikki]

You are too south, don't stumble over the ruins of iron curtain either

 

[Diver0001]

Finnish

 

[teknitroxdiver]

Here's what you say:

Sorry mate, we're all done here...

In a thick Australian accent...that should do it....



Or you can do the 'arrogant ****' approach....