I used to have a series of "instructor jokes" that I would use all the time.
here are some:
Electric coral
during a naturalist dive, I would have a large slate I had prepared with about 70 species of fish coral and plant so I didnt waste time writing them all down every dive. Near the bottom was ELECTRIC CORAL.
Near the end of a dive I would find two sea whips (that look like electric cables) that were less than a meter apart.
Looking at my students I very seriously give the danger signal, then take my reg out of my mouth and lick my finger and thumb. Some students clicked at this point that this was a joke, some didnt even question it. carefully to avoid damaging the coral hold the end of the coral with licked fingers and do the same with the second one. Connect the two ends to head and shake violently while rolling your eyes for about four seconds then let go and do a big "Phew" signal and shake your hands.
By now your students will be divided into two groups, those laughing violently, and those with saucer sized eyes shaking their heads in disbelief.
Pick one of those laughing and let them have a go, they will copy to the letter.
Then offer it to one from the other group and you will get an emphatic "NO WAY, NO HOW AM I TOUCHING NO ELECTRIC CORAL" signal.
If you dont want to touch coral for fear of damaging it, you can do this with twin jug sponges by placing you hands inside without touching..
Rubber snake
I have a rubber snake (named Jake) that has dived with me in nine different countries now.
to spice up a boring dive, when students are not looking, remove snake from pocket and place under a rock or in a jug sponge. wave over a student that you dont think will panic and just as the arrive, pull the snake out of its hole buy the head and wave it violently from side to side. The coiled snake will appear to "swim" through the water. After a couple of seconds of struggling , remove reg and bite the snake behind the head and let it die. Check students and they will be looking at you like you are Steve Erwin from crocodile hunter.
empty conch shell
hold it next to your ear and tell your divers that you can hear the sea. For some reason English people think this is especially funny, and German people dont get the joke at all and really listen but cant hear anything..
Cell phone
I have a small plastic cell phone (from toys r us) that is a kids bathroom toy.
Whenever someones watch or computer starts beeping, I will whip out the phone and pretend to listen to it earnestly, nodding ocasionally, then give the phone an OK signal, and hang up. On the boat afterwards I have often heard divers discussing whether they should ask me if it was real, that I really have an underwater cellphone, or whether it was a joke. I pretend I dont hear and then go round the corner to laugh my head off.
