"My wife won't let me ..."

[drrich2]

For perspective, how would most men react if their wives proposed spending comparable amounts of money about as often for expensive jewelry (in place of scuba gear) and solo trips to foreign destinations (e.g.: London/Buckingham Palace, Paris, the Vatican, the Pyramids, etc...) - make it somewhere the guy has no interest in going.

If you scuba dive, you may consider it 'quid pro quo.' But lets say you DIDN'T dive, and had no comparable hobby with such expenses and solo trips, but your wife still wanted the above. How open/understanding/supportive would you be then?

Richard.

 

[wetb4igetinthewater]

For perspective, how would most men react if their wives proposed spending comparable amounts of money about as often for expensive jewelry (in place of scuba gear) and solo trips to foreign destinations (e.g.: London/Buckingham Palace, Paris, the Vatican, the Pyramids, etc...) - make it somewhere the guy has no interest in going.

If you scuba dive, you may consider it 'quid pro quo.' But lets say you DIDN'T dive, and had no comparable hobby with such expenses and solo trips, but your wife still wanted the above. How open/understanding/supportive would you be then?

Richard.

I can't answer that one, as my girlfriend and I match so amazingly well with travel. Anywhere either of us wants to go, the other wants to as well. Hypothetically, I'd like to say I'd be supportive, but just like defending the honor of a lady from a group of outlaw bikers, you never know until you are actually in that situation.

 

[Resqdivemedic]

I consider myself incredibly lucky that I ended up with the right wife. I hope everybody is so lucky

Count me in with this quote. My wife is completely understanding and has pretty much let me dive whenever I want/can. She even gave me the blessing to go to Florida for my IDC and IE. A full week away. She is awesome!

 

[sphyon]

Yeah I expected a mixed bag with this thread, and it's certainly interesting.

Personally, my wife and I have been together 10 years and I couldn't think of a more supportive person I've met. I firmly believe everything I do is enhanced when she joins in.

She absolutely will call me out if I am about to do something stupid, but it's my choice if I want to be an idiot.

Cave diving? No prob, she did make sure I updated my living will haha.

Dedicated scubamobile? No prob, got her a wrangler that we pimped out for diving.

Hellcat Challenger? She called me a dumbass, but one look at the smile on my face and it was all good.

I need to get her a nice vacation haha!

 

[MaxBottomtime]

I got very lucky meeting Merry. We dive together...well, we sometimes see each other underwater but she says she worries when I go without her. I still go, but I call her to let her know when I'm out of the water. Happy wife = happy life.

 

[MMM]

Maybe you are looking at this the wrong way. Maybe it's not a permission-seeking behaviour. Instead, it may be an "I'm not sure so I'll ask my best friend" behaviour.

 

[boulderjohn]

I seem to be an oddball in this thread. I perceive marriage to be a cooperative agreement between two equal partners. We both want that arrangement to be successful, so we are both aware of each other's needs and desires. We are also aware that keeping that arrangement alive includes keeping the both of us alive.

My wife is an avid snorkeler, but she will not dive. She had four ear drum ruptures in the past because of illnesses, and she is afraid of more damage. I tried to convince her for a while that she would be OK, but at length I realized it was not going to happen--and I fully respect it. I can no more make her want to dive than she can make me not want to dive.

She is respectful of my diving life, and she does not interfere with it except in one area--she does not want me ever solo diving. She knows I have done it on occasion, and she knows I believe there are circumstances where it is safer to dive solo, but she is firm. I respect that. When we plan vacations, we usually plan them to locations where I can get in some good diving, she can snorkel, and there is plenty for us both to do that does not involve either. I make sure that I do not monopolize the time through diving, and we spend a lot of time exploring her interests. Our last extended vacation was to Bali, where be both had a great time. We will be going to Palau next year, and she is carefully examining her choices there in preparation. Before that, though, we will be doing a trip to France, where I will not even think of diving. It is not a trip I would have gone out of my way to plan, but she really wants to do it, and I owe her at least that much.

On our 40th anniversary, we went to the Bahamas, a place she really wanted to visit, but also a place with some pretty good diving. On the actual date of our anniversary, I spent the day having one of my greatest days of diving ever, in Dan's Cave, with Brian Kakuk. I rushed back and we went out to an outstanding dinner. The rest of the trip was much less focused on diving.

That was our 40th anniversary. The upcoming trip to France will be our 45th. For those of you who are wondering, it is an attitude of sharing and mutual understanding that makes that possible.

 

[Stoo]

I am fortunate that my wife loves diving and is supportive of my addiction...

I am a bit surprised by some of the comments in this thread honestly. The fact that you make much more than your spouse really shouldn't come into it. Any large expenditure should be discussed with the other and similarly the pursuit of higher risk activities should be undertaken only after "enthusiastic consent" from the other partner, to borrow a current phrase.

In other words, just because you "can" doesn't always mean that you "should". Failure to respect the other's wishes or opinions is not the key to a happy marriage... IMHO of course.

Of course "whatever works" for these couples is none of my concern but this attitude sure hearkens back to the '50s.

 

[drl]

I wonder how often "my wife won't let me" is an excuse for something the man has reservations about but is too macho to admit?

 

[drrich2]

Some of us find our spouse before we find scuba diving. Even were that not the case, some of us (in other words, me) are such odd-balls that finding a match is such a lengthy, 'needle-in-a-haystack' ordeal that adding extra stipulations like 'must be an avid diver' isn't practical.

I see a difference in approach to vacations in those aiming for mutual happiness.

1.) Separate vacations - I'll do a live-aboard, you'll go on a road trip with a girl friend.
2.) Compromise vacations - go somewhere we both like, not my 1st choice, I'll dive, but not as much as I want or the best diving I could find.
3.) Alternating vacations - we'll go together to Bonaire for me, later do a cruise for you, then...

I've done some of all 3 approaches. I wouldn't want to be stuck with just one approach.

She is respectful of my diving life, and she does not interfere with it except in one area--she does not want me ever solo diving. She knows I have done it on occasion, and she knows I believe there are circumstances where it is safer to dive solo, but she is firm.

This speaks to an interesting special case; what happens when the spouse (either gender) has a stubborn opposition which the diver considers irrational/neurotic? Solo diving may well be the poster child for this; my wife did the basic OW & nitrox courses and got indoctrinated into the 2 types of diving; 'buddy diving vs. solo/reckless/dangerous diving' dichotomy and would not be argued out of it by rational debate. So I quit debating and went solo diving! Obviously not everyone has the same view.

In my defense, she used to ride a motorcycle. I had a negative opinion of that, but I never told her she couldn't, or tried to brow-beat her into stopping. What's good for the goose is good for the gander...

Richard.