Wife will not let me dive without a dive master..

[carltona]

Become a divemaster yourself. Problem solved.


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[Mscdex]

Become a divemaster yourself. Problem solved.


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Working on master diver

 

[jimbeeler]

I'd say calmly talk to her and see if she can express specifically what her concerns are. Then address them. You're just going to a relatively calm lake / quarry, basically to just get some underwater time with nothing challenging. The fact that you are a new diver, you probably still remember all of the safety stuff drilled into your head from the training and that should work for you.

Invite her to go with you. She doesn't have to dive but she can observe the care you use in the preparation of the dive. That might alleviate her fears. The fact that you're probably going to a place where there are lots of DM's and Instructors there, should help too. I basically did that for my first 20-30 dives after getting certified.

Jim

 

[islandak]

... At the end of the day I showed her the danger statistics compared to other activities and just said that I'm going on my dives. My slight compromise is to bring a friend who has been an active diver for the past 5 years. She is going to be in her quiet mood for a few days but that really isn't the worst thing.

I'm glad it worked out. Quiet mood for a couple days is FAR better than it could be. :cool2: What has worked for me is a slow progression to the goal. Basically, she knows if I really want to do it, it's going to happen. She also knows I'm going to respect her wishes. Slow, steady movement to the goal has gotten me my MBA, a three week field study for that MBA, and my OW certification. On the flip-side, I don't think I'm ever jumping out of an airplane or getting that motorcycle. But... who has time for that many hobbies anyway. HaHa.

I don't know if I would have just said, "I'm going on my dives!", but after a thorough safety explanation and the "I'm going with MUCH more experienced divers" angle, I think the outcome would have been positive.

 

[Diver0001]

Ignored???? You have no clue what happiness is, IF you think living under someone's thumb is a life... I've never seen a couple that follows the simple rules of a happy spouse makes a happy marriage... And I'll leave all you poor suckers that only wish they had a life to bitch about your other half...... BYE...

Jim....

Jim, I know what you're talking about. Relationships work best when partners are equals (equal power, equal rights, equal responsibilities) but it's not an easy thing for most people to achieve. With a divorce rate over 50% and a lot of people who are not divorced sort of muddling through then it's kind of idealistic. In actual fact, most people's introduction to politics and diplomacy happens in relationships, especially once children are involved. As long as we live alone we can ignore or avoid other people and just do exactly as we want.

I'm not saying this is the way it should be but there are many things in life that are not the way they should be. Most people have to work on being happy. The only person I can think of for whom it comes completely naturally is the Dali Lama.

R..

 

[Storker]

Relationships work best when partners are equals (equal power, equal rights, equal responsibilities) but it's not an easy thing for most people to achieve.

I hear ya. Coming fall, I've been in the same relationship for thirty years, and next year we'll (probably ) be celebrating our 25th wedding anniversary. She's an intelligent and educated woman, with a demanding job, and that makes her both strong and opinionated. I won't say I'm under any thumb, though, I've got an education and a job myself, we regard each other as equals and we are both very aware that mutual respect and understanding is vital for a successful long-term relationship. I use to tell kids these days that one of the big secrets of keeping a relationship is to pick your battles carefully. If a thing really doesn't matter that much to you, it's a smart thing to let it pass.

As far as I can remember, my wife has really only vetoed one of my wishes¹, and that was when I wanted to try skydiving. That was more of a wild idea than a deeply rooted wish for me, so I chose to let it pass. In all other issues, if one of us is uncomfortable with the wishes and desires of the other, we discuss as rationally as we can, and we negotiate a compromise that both can live - and live well - with. We've even found common ground for raising three children in a family where one of the parents is religious and the other is an atheist (and, to my great satisfaction, neither of the kids have turned out religious ).

If my wife were to tell me the same thing the OP has experienced, the advice of growing a pair and telling her how it was going to be whether she liked it or not, would be very bad advice. Very, very bad indeed. OTOH, our standard solution of sitting down and discussing the subject calmly, analyzing real risks, respecting each others' feelings and ideas about the issue, and the basis of those feelings and opinions, would most probably lead to a good compromise. I'd respect her anxiety and concern for me and find a way to do "my thing" safely while she'd see that I value her opinion and adjust my way to meet her needs. I'd understand that she's worried for me and loves me, while at the same time I'd get to do what I wanted, albeit not necessarily exactly the way I first assumed I'd do it. IMO, that's how you solve conflicts in a healthy partnership, not by "growing a pair" and telling the other person her how it's gonna be. How is she supposed to continue believing she's the most important person in my life (excepting the children, of course) if I don't respect her concerns?



¹ BTW, she's also told me I'm not allowed to dive overhead environments. That's perfectly fine with me, the thought of overhead diving scares the heebie-jeebies out of me. Since she was ignorant about diving before I took it up, I suspect that some of her opinion on that has its origin in my own attitude towards that kind of diving...

 

[Diver0001]

Choosing your battles is good advice. Both myself and my wife have habits that the other one doesn't quite accept. For example, I would like to accept it that my wife has a strange (to me) need (and it is a need) to pile up papers (old post, newspapers, magazines, books etc). She thinks it makes the house look "lived in". I think it makes the house look cluttered. There have been discussions and the net result is zero. I've lived with her for over 18 years and I'm sure now that there will be no winning ground on this. Therefore, I've learned to only discuss it when my clutter alarm is reaching critical. For her part she's learned to not to call me autistic when I spaz out about it and file everything away (I try hard to not do it in alphabetical order LOL) or to throw away 36 metric tonnes of old (sometimes unread) newspapers. I don't even read newpapers. I get all of my news from the internet. Why would anyone voluntarily clutter up their house with newspapers in this day and age. I don't get it.

If we fought about this, it would be a constant source of friction in the relationship but it would solve nothing. I guess I could "grow a pair" and "lay down the law" like some of the old-school guys on this thread but it would still accomplish nothing and forcing my wife into an unnatural mode of behaviour (namely, enforcing my anti-piles-of-paper-spaz-mode on her) would make her unhappy, which would ultimately make both of us unhappy.

So we both adjust and try to find a happy medium that we can both live with.... but in reality, we're both picking our battles.

R..

 

[Mscdex]

I can't believe how long this post got. I really want to thank everyone for their tips

 

[Randy g]

Now for your very own Man Card.>>>>>>>Home of the Worlds Only Authentic Man Card | OfficialManCard.com.

 

[Kharon]

Get a new wife.