Etiquette of “NO, you are not diving with us”

[PerroneFord]

OUCH!

In more plain terms, some DIR divers are particular that they dive with others who are similarly configured and who share the same ideals.

He's saying that being an arrogant **** has it's advantages.

R..

 

[mstevens]

how to say no and not feel like you ruined someone’s day (instead of your own)?

I think people spend WAY too much time explaining and justifying their choices to others. If I don't want my wife to dive with me (which hasn't happened and is doubtful for the future, but makes a good example) then I DO owe her an explanation. Ditto with best friend or someone I've agreed to dive with but then must change my mind about for some reason. Anyone else just needs to know I won't be diving with them, but does not need to know why (no matter how much they may WANT to know). If I understand your scenario properly you don't really owe this person anything beyond a civil "no, thanks."

As a psychiatrist with tons of patients who have trouble saying "no," I side with Judith Martin ("Miss Manners," and a former State Department protocol weenie): explanations are your enemy. Just say "no" in a civil way and be done with it. If you're pressed for a reason you can keep repeating "I'm just not able to do that" or some such thing rather than making up a reason. If you give a real reason, even if it's perfectly reasonable, the other person may try to argue the point, bargain with you, convince you you're wrong, etc. until you give in out of exhaustion.

You're perfectly within all reasonable societal expectations not to do something simply because you do not wish to.

 

[wedivebc]

OUCH!

In more plain terms, some DIR divers are particular that they dive with others who are similarly configured and who share the same ideals.

So I guess I'm not good enough to dive with you?

 

[robo]

Example.

If some guy comes up to you on the street while you enter a bar with your buddy, and asks if he can join you for a beer at your table, its your choice. Same with your dive... you and your friend and want to dive by yourselves...thats fine! Don't feel guilty about it.

If he spent some time building an aquaintance, and gave you time to discuss it and be comfortable with joining you, thats different.

Its a big ocean and there are lots of options available to him.

 

[Charlie99]

So I guess I'm not good enough to dive with you?

Diving with someone that has nearly identical gear, very similar training, and has been taught to respond to problems in the same way that you have been taught obviously increases dive safety.

Some people are willing to compromise safety, others are not.

I'm not DIR, so I'll compromise safety and dive with an unknown such as you. I'm even so reckless that I've even been known to dive using a yoke valve rather than much safer DIN.

It's all relative, and each person must choose what he considers to be reasonable and acceptable risks.

 

[Tom Winters]

This is one of those no-win situations. First of all, it's not Rebecca Romijn wanting to join you just an overheated doofy guy. So if the guy joins you, you kinda have to watch out for him. If you gracefully decline his self-invitation, you're going to spend the whole dive feeling a little out of it for blowing the guy off PLUS you gotta hope that the guy doesn't kill himself. No one needs angst like that.
You need to do what I do - only do boat dives. On my own boat, it's no problem. On charter boats, the staff knows in advance not to stick someone with me unless I'm getting paid.
Unless it's Rebecca Romijn.

 

[Trisha]

What's the liability on this?
The mental liability is wondering if you are gonna come across his body in the surf if you don't help him.
The legal liability is that, having consented to dive with him, he might sue you for any problem that occurs.
The real kicker is that your description could be taken that he only wanted to share the dive flag, not really buddy up, hence bird-dogging him may not have been needed.

Personally, my dive -- my call. If he needed a buddy, he should have brought one.

 

[lamont]

i've run into this before with solo guys cruising popular dive sites trying to find insta-buddies.

so far i've found that "training dive" works to get people to back off. other than that, i generally try to be helpful and explain the dive site and whatever else i can do, but i really don't want to dive with them.

arguably diving with an instant shore buddy is no different from diving with someone who posted on scubaboard looking for buddies -- but it tweaks me the wrong way...

 

[Markdone]

i've run into this before with solo guys cruising popular dive sites trying to find insta-buddies.
....
arguably diving with an instant shore buddy is no different from diving with someone who posted on scubaboard looking for buddies -- but it tweaks me the wrong way...

As a diver who travels a lot on business, I frequently "show up" at the pier, and get on a boat dive when my schedule allows.

I always go through the boat operator, who sometimes has another unaccompanied diver, or makes a recommendation based on their observations. I've also scanned the crowd and asked other pairs if I can dive with them as a triple.

Although it hasn't happened yet, I'm mentally prepared for "no", and would understand that a reason is not required.

I have to admit I didn't think it might be the challenge to qualify as "good enough" (or DIR enough or whatever) that some of the writers here make it to be. One thing I will change now, having been alerted to the number of skittish divers out there, I'll make sure I'm welcome before we leave the pier!


Mark

 

[piikki]

I see we are getting to the psych part of this - I admit having my mother on the back of this all "Everybody gets to play or nobody gets to play" kinda attitude, sharing was ingrained hard. I am working on it!!

I think the things most affecting this poor choice on our part were:
a) inexperience - first time, we were taken aback anyone would even ask to join us, we should be the ones whining for bigbro to let us tag along, we didn't have our lines rehearsed
b) the trap of vagueness which led us 50ft from beach and starting to feel like we are backing off from an earlier yes. A yes that was to a totally different question but not in his mind. It just got too far before we really figured out what was going on. This probably equals to inexperience as well, we should have asked about his intentions more bluntly but how to clarify if you thought it was all clear. Then it was like, WE made him get all the way here just to tell him to back off...

("Excuse me, where is your buddy? So, you going solo? I am sorry, we didn't understand you were planning to dive with us but just use our flag. Sorry to tell you but I can't keep track of two buddies at the same time - so do you need help getting back ashore?" That's what should have come out of our mouths but we were dumbfounded.)