"My wife won't let me ..."

[jseyfert3]

While working at Lowe's as a cashier/customer service, I would see multiple married couples asking who was going to pay for the purchase. A fair number of these would literally fight about who was going to pay for the purchase. I just didn't understand this at all.

I guess for reference I should say that as soon as my wife and I got married, one of the first things we did was move to a joint account. I just can't see it being done differently. At first I made way less than her, now we make about the same, within a couple years she'll likely pull ahead of me in income, I'll likely catch up at some point but who knows. My point is it doesn't really matter to either of us who makes more, we discuss how to pay student loans, large purchases, savings, etc.

The 'Not sure' is when I brought up both of us taking flying lessons.

My wife got one solo cross country flight from her exam flight and license in college. Hasn't yet continued, but wants me to get my license soon and wants us to get not only a plane (eventually), but a Beechcraft Bonanza. We could cruise down to the Florida keys at 200 MPH (in a straight line), way much fun than commercial flying and then go diving together. Grab a couple friends to go with since it's a 6 seater.

Yeah, guess I'm lucky too!

 

[wetb4igetinthewater]

wants us to get not only a plane (eventually), but a Beechcraft Bonanza. We could cruise down to the Florida keys at 200 MPH (in a straight line), way much fun than commercial flying and then go diving together. Grab a couple friends to go with since it's a 6 seater.

Yeah, guess I'm lucky too!

Yes you are. You have some amazing years together in your future. Stin i geia sas ("to your health" in Greek)

 

[drrich2]

I guess for reference I should say that as soon as my wife and I got married, one of the first things we did was move to a joint account. I just can't see it being done differently.

My wife and I, too, have a joint account; I told her she could have a separate one if she wanted. Wouldn't offend me. That said, I can easily see why some might prefer separate accounts. My wife is rather thrifty and not prone to spend a lot. I spend more, but I'm alert to the family's finances.

If you have separate accounts, once you've negotiated who pays how much & what bills, then whatever's left over is, basically, his and hers, not theirs. So, if you want to save up and buy an expensive camera, or diamond ring, or an expensive titanium regulator when a cheaper model would've done, etc..., there's no guilt, because you're spending your money, not 'our' money.

Some people don't like asking permission, or feeling like they're imposing on the other person. Some may dislike being 'monitored' (e.g.: I can log onto the bank account & tell you where my wife's been today and how much she spent; I can guess on what decently well). And sometimes you've got a 'spender married to a saver' situation. It's another example of how companionate vs. mutually free you prefer to be. Thankfully there's room in this world for both choices.

Richard.

 

[NAM001]

Trace. It is a different world than your parents grew up in. Men have been systematically been neutered in the home and in the courts.
There are some eternal truths that will always apply.

1. The girls want a potential mate that plays sports on the field of battle and not on the bench. Its the gladiator thing that you will provide security and defend her.
Once they get you they don't want you to play sports cause you can hurt your self and stand to loose your ability to provide security for them.
Very much like guys want the hottest babe on the beach but once they get them they need you to get another suit.

2. Too many are raised in single parent homes and have no male influence other than what they get in the pre K baby sitter house.
Ex wives who are vindictive make terrible parents. And the dads are always wrong. Girks have to control the guys or they have to hang their heads in shame in public.

3. Society has spent too much resources telling girls " you can" and boys "you cant"

Too many of us have been reduced to "Have fun at the beach but you will have no money." First of all no money and there is no fun. Second never tell a male that,,,, as they are encoded to find a work around for problems. "No money - no fun- how can I change my situation.???? Girls on the other hand get told, have fun at the beach but no money. what you get is I have this killer suit , I don't need money. Both doomed before leaving the house. You would think that if you just showed up they would all be winners. That only works till you are in a situation where you are at odds, and the decision has to be made as to who has the final say. And its the single parent mother inlaw with the chip on her shoulder that wins.

So trace ,,,,,,,, hmmmm you loose unless you can muster enough support from sources that still have some testosterone to back you up if their wives will let them.

Perhaps you will have to settle with reading the DAN monthly mag from your living room chair and not the water front.

My wife had to make the decision from the start that if I took her on there will be diving. She got her cert and then we got married. She understands that through life you learn that not everything you do has to be equally liked by the other. SHe did not like the noisy dish washer so I bought her a new one. We agree, it is hers, and she runs it,,,,, but I have to bring my dishes to the kitchen. Much like the laundry. I dive and she shares that . I also have things that I like that she says no way ,,,, but its no way for her and for me to have a good time. I say "By im sure going to miss you" as I run out the door. I get back. she says She is glad I am home. I SAY WHERE DO YOU WANT TO EAT.

My wife and I are in our 60's We have decided from the start that if one of us is not happy neither is the other one going to be. Instead of trying to deal with the fall out of day to day life, we avoid the problem form the start and accept that if we were intended to be joined at the hip we would have come that way. Wouldn't that have been awkward for my first 2 training wives with her on the hip.

I THINK YOU CAN FIGURE IT OUT FROM THERE.

 

[Ninelinegoby]

My fiancé understands my addiction to diving, she too is a diver. But she's not fully addicted. The only thing she's every really said was " if your going to solo dive get a pony" so I did. Everyone's happy.
We take 1 or 2 dive trips a year together and I take 2 dive trips solo. It's a perfect solution for us

 

[Marie13]

When I lived in Portland, I was on the Mt. Hood Ski Patrol. One of the other patrollers told his wife on their first date "I was skiing when I met you, I'll be skiing when I forget you." A bit harsh, but not all that unfair. I told my current girlfriend (and future wife) this, but I replaced skiing with diving. She's very supportive of my diving, but I have cut back as she's the highest priority in my life. But I buy what I'm going to buy, even after marriage, unless we come into financial difficulties.

Obviously couples need to figure out what works for them (and their children if they have any). But for one to have the other on a leash, that's just unhealthy.

To follow up on my earlier post about a lot of men seeming to lack the quality I refer to as "spine," my litmus test is the issue of guns, and more specifically that I carry. If a guy can't handle the fact that a woman can shoot/carries, he's gone. It's useful to weed out the ones that wouldn't be a good fit. My idea of a perfect first date is at the the range. That just freaks a number of guys out. So be it.

 

[Bubblesong]

My daughter is the best shot of the four of us.

 

[wetb4igetinthewater]

To follow up on my earlier post about a lot of men seeming to lack the quality I refer to as "spine," my litmus test is the issue of guns, and more specifically that I carry. If a guy can't handle the fact that a woman can shoot/carries, he's gone. It's useful to weed out the ones that wouldn't be a good fit. My idea of a perfect first date is at the the range. That just freaks a number of guys out. So be it.

A friend of mine enjoys diving, motorcycles, and target shooting with his wife.

 

[AZNetEng]

A friend of mine enjoys diving, motorcycles, and target shooting with his wife.

As do I ( have both a friend who does and do myself)

 

[NAM001]

For perspective, how would most men react if their wives proposed spending comparable amounts of money about as often for expensive jewelry (in place of scuba gear) and solo trips to foreign destinations (e.g.: London/Buckingham Palace, Paris, the Vatican, the Pyramids, etc...) - make it somewhere the guy has no interest in going.

If you scuba dive, you may consider it 'quid pro quo.' But lets say you DIDN'T dive, and had no comparable hobby with such expenses and solo trips, but your wife still wanted the above. How open/understanding/supportive would you be then?

Richard.

There is always a limit to everything. My wife would say go diving but would hit the roof if I said I needed 15K for a RB for the trip. I don't have problem with the wife taking a road trip for a week with a girlfriend. She spends a grand and she is happy. She allows me to dothe same thing unless it too is with a girlfriend. haha.... it doesn't mean I take her up on it. the implied trust has much more value sometimes. The important aspect is that it does not become a competition. There is always a looser when you do.