"My wife won't let me ..."

[Trace Malinowski]

I am actually losing count of how many misogynist posts Trace has made over the years.

I believe my original post would seem to question the current state of masculinity rather than be an affront toward women. My mother was an equestrian instructor, college prof, catalog model, and Sunday School teacher. Talk about a Renaissance mom! I like, love, and admire women.

What I do have is a concern for men.

 

[MaxBottomtime]

 

[Hou s4m]

When I get caught buying new equipments, she'd ask to go to the store and get her things she didnt really need...
New BC = new hand bag
New fins = new shoes
New mask = new shades
New reg = new iPhone
New divecom = new bracelet
Equals.

 

[Saniflush]

Most of the time my wife is my dive buddy so no real problems other than we have a lot of the same tastes for new gear so that means purchases x 2.

 

[scubadada]

I seem to be an oddball in this thread. I perceive marriage to be a cooperative agreement between two equal partners. We both want that arrangement to be successful, so we are both aware of each other's needs and desires. We are also aware that keeping that arrangement alive includes keeping the both of us alive.

My wife is an avid snorkeler, but she will not dive. She had four ear drum ruptures in the past because of illnesses, and she is afraid of more damage. I tried to convince her for a while that she would be OK, but at length I realized it was not going to happen--and I fully respect it. I can no more make her want to dive than she can make me not want to dive.

She is respectful of my diving life, and she does not interfere with it except in one area--she does not want me ever solo diving. She knows I have done it on occasion, and she knows I believe there are circumstances where it is safer to dive solo, but she is firm. I respect that. When we plan vacations, we usually plan them to locations where I can get in some good diving, she can snorkel, and there is plenty for us both to do that does not involve either. I make sure that I do not monopolize the time through diving, and we spend a lot of time exploring her interests. Our last extended vacation was to Bali, where be both had a great time. We will be going to Palau next year, and she is carefully examining her choices there in preparation. Before that, though, we will be doing a trip to France, where I will not even think of diving. It is not a trip I would have gone out of my way to plan, but she really wants to do it, and I owe her at least that much.

On our 40th anniversary, we went to the Bahamas, a place she really wanted to visit, but also a place with some pretty good diving. On the actual date of our anniversary, I spent the day having one of my greatest days of diving ever, in Dan's Cave, with Brian Kakuk. I rushed back and we went out to an outstanding dinner. The rest of the trip was much less focused on diving.

That was our 40th anniversary. The upcoming trip to France will be our 45th. For those of you who are wondering, it is an attitude of sharing and mutual understanding that makes that possible.

I've only hit 37, have quite a ways to go, thankfully

 

[Pullmyfinger]

Cool thread.

I hear the "my wife" excuse come out of guys mouths regularly. As soon as you hear "my wife......" you can count them out of any serious plans for future ventures.
Those typs are never going to show up on race day.

Dating is for figuring out what each other is about. My wife knew from the start that I was all about diving; she traveled with me when I went to my IDC.
She enjoys diving as long as it's warm water. We have a lot of fun doing those kinds of dives. Usually she is the one suggesting that we go diving, which I'm very happy about.

She is cool with me doing technical dives, travelling to colder water places, DPVs, and the costs associated with it.
This is because I made it clear while we were dating that I was into all of that.
That's what dating if for.....choose wisely before you propose.
I told her then...."I'm a grown Man, I like doing grown man stuff."

Of course all things in life are a two way street so I make sure to budget plenty of money to buy the things that she is into.

She had a good paying job when we met, was squared away financially, and spent her disposable income on travelling and fashion (bags and shoes). She also made it clear that those were the kinds of things that she liked.

So....in my marriage all things are equal.

Sometimes our vacations are to go diving, other times it's trips to Hong Kong and it's shopping and afternoon tea....that sort of thing.
Of course she enjoys informing me during these kinds of trips that....."I'm a grown Woman, I like to do grown woman stuff."

Gotta love it. She's awesome.

I know more about bags, shoes and fashion than any grown man should......but I knew that from the start.....back when we were dating.

Two way street.

 

[Storker]

Dating is for figuring out what each other is about.

...at the time you're dating.

Since that time more than 30 years ago when I started going steady with the woman who is now my wife, I've taken up several different hobbies. Some of them for a shorter time, some of them for decades. If we hadn't been able to find compromises between her and my interests, her and my concerns, her and my idiosyncrasies, we would have divorced many years ago. A healthy long-term relationship must be based on mutual respect, and the ability to understand which battles that are worth fighting. For both parties. I've learned to understand when she has a serious issue with things I want to do - which usually means I don't do them - and she's learned to understand when some activity is really important to me and it's time for her to yield.

We're still together, we still love and respect each other, and we've found a decent compromise between giving freedom and feeling secure. Two years ago we celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary, and we're still going strong.

 

[Marie13]

I've stayed single by choice. Too many men these days have absolutely no backbone. I spend money on diving and (until I took up diving) shooting stuff. I come and go as I please. I don't ask permission of anyone.

 

[RandomGuy1]

Being married makes things no longer all about you. You are part of a partnership and both sides have feelings that have to be respected if you want that to last. If something I do makes my wife uncomfortable, I simply don't do it, even if she says that I can. Then again, there is always that fall back position of "You can do whatever you want to do in this life. You just have to be prepared to accept the consequences of those actions."

 

[kelemvor]

Recently married here. I've got an agreement with my wife that we'll discuss any purchase (by either of us) before making it. We've been single for years and are used to running our own show. Joint bank account is taking some getting used to and we don't want to wind up with a nastygram for mismanaging the account. Neither of us have ever said no about any purchase, but the act of talking about it tends to curb careless spending somewhat.

Also, it's a great "out" for dealing with high pressure salesmen (e.g. buttholes) which there are a lot of in dive shops these days. "Looks great, but I've got to discuss it with my wife first."

View attachment 406947

@MaxBottomtime know where I can buy one of those?